I know they’re wrong, so why do I feed bad?

[Anonymous]

Feeling a certain way is no indication of what should be decided. Be glad your DH is providing a more emotionally healthy environment for his/your family.

Btw, everyone prefers no strife in relationships. That's just the go-to emotion. You have to live with the discomfort. You just do. In this case you don't get to do the right thing and not have discomfort (years of MIL acting the way she does has cemented that)

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Why? How is that insulting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Why? How is that insulting?

None of that is even the point. I just think OP is just someone with enough human empathy to feel bad for other people, even sometimes people who get what they probably deserve when it would have been easy enough to have had a different outcome. And to recognize that her DH probably isn't feeling terrific about stepping back/closing the door even if it's the best decision for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Why? How is that insulting?

Ehh... Do I really have to explain that?

[Anonymous]

You may be mourning the fact that he doesn't have a good relationship with them, that they are crappy, and that your children are missing out on having nice grandparents. Good for your DH for drawing boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I understand wanting to wake up on Christmas morning in your own home with your own kids, but if everyone is local surely you can carve out some time to see them at their place for a few hours on one of those days. And I assume you invited everyone to your house if you want to stay home. (When our kids were little, we told all families (none of whom were local) that we would be celebrating Christmases at our house and they were all welcome to come, on our dime. They complained, but got over it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Where did you get that? I didn't see any indication that everyone was local.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Why? How is that insulting?

Ehh... Do I really have to explain that?

Yes. But you're making the decision not to because you're reluctant to shame them in writing. You'd prefer the passive aggressive route. Not hard to see what kind of MIL you are or will be.

OP and her husband are free to do whatever they'd like on the 24th and 25th. They have their reasons. None of which are yours to judge. Also none of OP's MIL's business. If they wanted to spend the time with her, they would be doing so. There are reasons they chose not to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Where did you get that? I didn't see any indication that everyone was local.

Assuming she would have mentioned it if they weren't. Honestly I'm appalled by how you all treat your parents/in-laws. I'm not a MIL and have had more than my share of issues with my husband's side of the family. But family is family. You forgive your parents and hope your kids will do the same with you. (not talking about abuse obviously). That includes making time for them and some level of effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand wanting to wake up on Christmas morning in your own home with your own kids, but if everyone is local surely you can carve out some time to see them at their place for a few hours on one of those days. And I assume you invited everyone to your house if you want to stay home. (When our kids were little, we told all families (none of whom were local) that we would be celebrating Christmases at our house and they were all welcome to come, on our dime. They complained, but got over it.)

Typically difficult people who cause issues don’t get special treatment. I totally get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Where did you get that? I didn't see any indication that everyone was local.

Assuming she would have mentioned it if they weren't. Honestly I'm appalled by how you all treat your parents/in-laws. I'm not a MIL and have had more than my share of issues with my husband's side of the family. But family is family. You forgive your parents and hope your kids will do the same with you. (not talking about abuse obviously). That includes making time for them and some level of effort.

So you spun it out of whole cloth, and then based your criticism on it to give you a chance you lecture OP and a few PPs.

Well bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I get this right. Your families are local but you are not seeing anyone on the 24th nor 25th? I could see how that can be insulting for her.

Where did you get that? I didn't see any indication that everyone was local.

Assuming she would have mentioned it if they weren't. Honestly I'm appalled by how you all treat your parents/in-laws. I'm not a MIL and have had more than my share of issues with my husband's side of the family. But family is family. You forgive your parents and hope your kids will do the same with you. (not talking about abuse obviously). That includes making time for them and some level of effort.

Last time I checked, favoritism, manipulation, guilt tripping, are all forms of abuse. Really PP? Some families are just dysfunctional. Be happy you can’t relate, and if you can relate, stop being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's grieving the relationship you WISH you had. That never actually existed.

Give it time and support your DH.

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Gosh I was just thinking this today. What they are doing specifically today didn't hurt me, but it does remind me of what I will never have and that was kind of a bummer. For about five minutes anyway, and then I hung out with my own kid and totally forgot all about it. Just know your kids will have such a different life than you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it time. You will stop feeling bad about it.

I hope so. I think what I’m doing is looking at it though the lenses of a loving parent who puts a lot of positive energy into her relationship with her children, and feeling empathy for that parent. But MIL isn’t that parent, so I shouldn’t. DH knows this, I know this, but I don’t think MIL does. In a strange way, I pity her. I’m sad for her that she wasn’t a better parent. That probably makes no sense.

Just think...if you have boys you too will have a son who is apathetic towards you and a DIL who will be gleeful to not see you over the holidays. Just enjoy your kids now. The clock is ticking.