Crazy to have another kid at 42?

[Anonymous]

You have to look at your own personality and desires. Everyone is different. As a kid I moved around a lot , lost a number of family members to death; I longed for stability later in life.

I had many opportunities to travel, party, and live three different lifetimes before age 30. Didn’t have my first kid until 30 and now about to have my 4th. These have been some of the best years of my life (building the family). Everything else, for me, was fleeting and temporary.

While the road hasn’t been always easy or picture perfect (former spouse with mental health issues, finances, etc), I wouldn’t change a thing about having children at an older age if you are able. While outsiders may judge by your circumstances or perceived future financial status, great parenting will shine through the fog. No one can predict the future.

I’ve been blessed with olders who have emerged to be very caring and compassionate young people. They fascinate me with their resilience and motivation to seek knowledge. While they are not the valedictorian high academic performance type, they are consistently on grade level and are generally seen as solid kids by their teachers and peers.

My younger and soon to be here infant have a ten year age gap from their older siblings. I find that it has provided an opportunity for them to become nurturers, learn and see childcare modeled, and also has reinforced the concept of reciprocity/responsibility for others. My patience has grown dramatically since my first round of siblings and the youngers also get the benefit of that experience.

But one must audit what is important to them. For me, I hope to grow older with a ton of family around to share moments and silly pictures etc. Not everyone wants that though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, personally. Regardless of the egg age, anything can happen and I wouldn’t want the possibility of adding a disabled child to the mix, esp if I was already older and taking care of the child into adulthood becomes harder for me as I’d be facing my own mortality.

+1
I think the risk is higher with age, and I just don't have it in me to raise a SN child, so we're more than happy with 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t. My dad was almost 43 when I was born. Most of my friends’ parents had them in their 20s and my dad kept up pretty well. But once he neared his mid 50s he seemed to age rapidly every year.

My dad is 73. He looks and acts like a 50 year old. My FIL is 65. He looks and acts like an 80 year old. Not all men are the same.

[Anonymous]

Crazy from my perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, personally. Regardless of the egg age, anything can happen and I wouldn’t want the possibility of adding a disabled child to the mix, esp if I was already older and taking care of the child into adulthood becomes harder for me as I’d be facing my own mortality.

+1
I think the risk is higher with age, and I just don't have it in me to raise a SN child, so we're more than happy with 2.

A person can have a SN child at any age. Genetics and prenatal care have more of an impact than age, truly.

If a person is a late bloomer (like I was, didn’t start a cycle until later) and has no genetic history of certain ailments and is generally healthy they have about as much chance as anyone else...

No one should be scared just because they hit the 40 mark. It really depends on a persons makeup and unique circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Selfish and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Selfish and gross.

Gross??

[Anonymous]

"I" think it's crazy for many reasons but I am not you. You do you OP.

[Anonymous]

My SIL had a child at 48. Personally I would not. My primary concern would be that I want to retire on time and I expect my kids to be pretty much fully independent by that time.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

I don't think late 50s/early 60s is too old to parent a child in college.

Early 60’s is when they would be entering college. And don’t forget about master’s, grad school, etc. OP, hope you are fine working until you drop dead. Or perhaps you are independently wealthy, but doesn’t sound like it since you are working with 2 kids already!

Who are you people expecting to support kids getting master's degrees, attending grad school, "etc."?? I wasn't hitting mom & dad up for money in law school, hell, I wasn't even on their insurance. Maybe raise a child into an adult by the time they're in their 20s and you won't have such a dim view of children?

Have you ever spent time on DCUM money & finances? I’m not speaking from personal experience (I’m an immigrant with loans). Fully funding 529’s for college + masters is the norm.

It's only the norm for a very narrow portion of the population. And it's not the only way to do things.

Yeah, the other option is to let them saddle themselves with student loans they'll be paying way into their golden years. . . while trying to support/take care of very elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

I'm the third kid in my family and my dad was 40 when I was born. He retired at 62. I never considered myself to have "old" parents and both have had a very fruitful retirement. DH's Dad was 38 when his youngest sibling was born and is hoping to retire at 75. I wouldn't add retirement as a factor because it's solely dependent on your finances, health, and other factors. I understand that my examples are of men and they did not have to carry, birth, and recover from a child, but saying retirement, college, etc are the reasons not to have a child mean it shouldn't matter male/female when looking at age.

If you feel good now and want a third child, go for it!

[Anonymous]

Yes! Do it. 3 is awesome. As long as you have the energy and the money, I'd go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I can't speak to the 42 part, I can speak to the 3 kids part. I just had my third six months ago at 33 and both of us work outside of the home. Every day is a shit show and I am not sure I see it getting easier because elementary school just adds even more activities etc. I thrive when things are crazy, but if you don't I would really think through whether three is right for you!

This was me - the job was the problem. I got a new one that was more supportive and flexible and my life and stress levels improved dramatically. So much so that we had #4 who is now 6 months, and life still feels mostly manageable.

[Anonymous]

Focus on the two children you already have.

[Anonymous]

I have my 4th at 46. It was not planned but he is a joy and we wouldn't change a thing. Yes, we are old parents but there are couple around like us. While not as energetic, I'm much better at the parenting thing in other areas.