Crazy to have another kid at 42?

[Anonymous]

For perspective, please don’t underestimate how progressively
difficult pregnancy, delivery and postpartum becomes as you get older. I speak from experience and had three uncomplicated p/d/PP from ages 28 to 36. It took a bit longer to recover, physically and mentally, I was just exhausted.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. My dad was almost 43 when I was born. Most of my friends’ parents had them in their 20s and my dad kept up pretty well. But once he neared his mid 50s he seemed to age rapidly every year.

[Anonymous]

I had my twins when I was 41. I love them to pieces, so no regrets here. Do I wish I were younger? Sure. Maybe I wouldn’t be so exhausted all the time. Maybe my back would not be hurting so much. At the same time, I am happy that I was more established in my career when I had them. At the end, having kids earlier, was not in the cards for me. And the alternative of not having them seems unthinkable now.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not. For many reasons. I married someone from another country/culture that tends to have kids much younger than people in the US (at least on the East Coast). Reflecting on that culture, I do find it a bit sad that with 35 or 45 year gaps between generations there's very few years where grandparents are likely to be around and/or in great health to really be an active part of a grand-child's life. I realize not everyone has grandparents in their life for a variety of reasons, but huge generational age gaps is definitely one reason. If you have a kid at 43, and then your kid has a first kid at 43 you would be 86 when your first grandkid is born.

[Anonymous]

No. I would not do it, but I am not you.

[Anonymous]

After numerous IF treatments and my first baby at 42, I had a surprise baby at 46! I cannot believe how lucky I am and do not spend time worrying I am too old. I am too grateful every day to have them. I may work longer but I enjoy my career so am not lamenting a lifestyle I might not have opted for anyway. No problems with pregnancy and kid is great. So not crazy in my view.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a question that cannot be answered for you.

For me, no. We have a fantastic family of 4, and the youngest will in theory go to college when I’m 50. I’m looking forward to many good years of travel and quality time with my husband again once the kids are launched, not to mention eventually grandkids and retirement. But that’s just me.

[Anonymous]

I had my 2nd at 39. If you want one, and if you can afford one, and if you can afford to leave something behind if you die early, then have one.

[Anonymous]

I would not do it. You have two healthy children now. They are in the golden ES years. I would just enjoy that. Baby again and so much older in college. I wouldn’t choose it again (and I did it).

[Anonymous]

My third was born when i was 42. it's great. the third kid is sort of delightful and your 3 and 5 year old will love the babe..Good luck.

[Anonymous]

At 42, my kids were 18 and 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

Maybe not, but one of DS's friends is the 4th of 4. All of the others are out of college, and he's a freshmen. It is BEYOND obvious that the parents are over the whole parenting/games/high school thing. They are very wealthy, so money was not an issue. I'm sure they love him, but they are very "been there, done that" about it all. He's pretty lonely, and I think quite aware of the fact that they're tired of FT parenting (because they don't).

Which isn't to say everyone is like that, but I can understand why someone feels that way about some aspects. I only have 2, but I feel pretty "over it" when it comes to things like attending all games of every sport, for instance. I can still do it without it being noticeable, but I can see how by number 3 or 4, 5 or 10 yrs from now, it would be WAY harder.

Your age gap won't be this big - i was 3 1/2 years younger than my next sib - and loved being (finally) the only kid in my parents house. They had figured out how to parent teenagers, so were pretty laid back, but not permissive or absent and I had watched my older siblings, so knew how to keep my parents happy and informed, and not be an ridiculous.. Have the kiddo, another kid is a delight and you won't regret it.

[Anonymous]

I'm 41 with a 4.5 month old (and 4.5 year old). I'll just encourage them to have kids in their 20s if they want free babysitting and generational gap problem solved.

OP, no one can make this decision for you other than you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s crazy, I’m the youngest of 4 with a 4 year age gap per kid so my mom had me when she was older. And maybe it’s because she divorced my father and didn’t marry again but she doesn’t seem to like everyone out of the house, she always wants her grandkids and kids over and wants all of us to vacation with her. I think it just depends on the person’s patience level and temperament but I know plenty of people right now having babies at 37-40 , I don’t think 42 is that much of a difference.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. But I’m 41 with a 15 and a 13 year old.

While I love the idea of having a little one in the house (teens are not always cute and cuddly!), the long view of raising another is not appealing.