Mom moving in ... terrible idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I would let her live for the few months.

But what if she won't leave? Hard on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe this is even a question, OP. Shame on you.


You can set the ground rules and request "no nagging", some chores around the house if she moves in. It will take some effort on her side, but if she tries it might not be that bad.

No shame needed.

Op, it is ok to say no. There seems to be no reason why the OP’s mom cannot live on her own. She is a grown adult and is making money off the sale of the house. If the OP’s mom were sick, it would be different. I worry that the mom would never move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do it but that's me. It doesn't sound like you have a very mature outlook on what is happening with your mom and based on your post you also seem to regress when you are interacting with her … so it doesn't sound like a good idea for you.

It sounds as though Op has a perfectly happy life and she is willing to be there for her parents in spite of a rocky childhood. Op not wanting one of those parents to actually move in with her is totally understandable because this particular parent appears to have an overbearing personality along with a penchant for enabling her alcoholic male lovers. I think it's quite mature of Op to see the writing on the wall with that scenario and do what is best for her own sanity and the well being of her marriage and her small children.

Op can offer to help her mom look for an appropriate living situation, though.

[Anonymous]

A dying parent and a parent who makes bad decisions are two different people, and you can treat them differently.

I side with the people who say you can help her figure out a long-time living situation that she can afford. She does not need to move in with you to figure that out. Put your energy into being a listening ear and helping her check out apartments.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s not just you she would be nagging, but after a while, she would nag your DH and kids too. Don’t put them in that position.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be okay if it’s super short term—like she found an apartment but no openings till next month. Not an indefinite stay and make sure her stuff is in storage not at your house.

[Anonymous]

A peaceful, happy home is not an easy thing to achieve, especially when you grew up with the opposite. Help your mother find a new place to live but protect your nuclear family by not making it your home. I give you permission to put yourself first this time, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe this is even a question, OP. Shame on you.


You can set the ground rules and request "no nagging", some chores around the house if she moves in. It will take some effort on her side, but if she tries it might not be that bad.

No shame needed.

Op, it is ok to say no. There seems to be no reason why the OP’s mom cannot live on her own. She is a grown adult and is making money off the sale of the house. If the OP’s mom were sick, it would be different. I worry that the mom would never move out.

Setting a no-nagging rule isn't going to work. Unless you're willing to duct tape the woman's mouth shut. I wouldn't let her move in or even acknowledge her at all if she were my 'mom'.

[Anonymous]

Does your mom work? What is her daily schedule like? How will that impact yours?

Can you ask her if she’s really thought through how it will be to live with you all for a while and be okay with your lifestyle? If she says yes, then you have the perfect setup to squash her nagging. Just reply “Mom, this is how we roll. You said you’d be okay with it.” It will just gently remind her that she needs to bend to your rules.

If she is too much, you tell her she clearly needs her independence and space and living together is straining your relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'd have ground rules and a timeline clearly established with her.

[Anonymous]

It’s your mother. The woman who raised you. Only in the states.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you cared for your abusive dad but won't help your mom out for a few months. Your mom, who raised you and likely shielded you from your dad's abuse? Sounds like you're blaming her for your dad's actions, which is pretty crappy.

my grandmother raised me and when she passed, I basically raised myself. My mom has always attached to men. I love my mom dearly and talk to her everyday, but she has some bad qualities and I'm nervous about bringing it into our home.

OP I have the same type of mom and I moved in with her with my 3 yr old and my newborn while we were closing on our house and our rental was up. It was not good for me at all. I did not feel I was living my own life and I couldnt get out of there fast enough. Its of course different for you because it would be her moving into your house, but I dont think its a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A peaceful, happy home is not an easy thing to achieve, especially when you grew up with the opposite. Help your mother find a new place to live but protect your nuclear family by not making it your home. I give you permission to put yourself first this time, OP.

1000% this!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s your mother. The woman who raised you. Only in the states.

Says the abusive mother.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it OP. Do not let your mom move in. Please listen to me!!!! You will regret this.