My 12 year old isn’t smart

[Anonymous]

OP he's only 12. You need to reframe how you see this. True, everyone isn't brilliant, but if he's as scheming as you say, he's probably quite intelligent.

Are you in therapy separately? My only exposure to this type of behavior is a sister who was quite clearly a sociopath at a very young age. I don't know how my parents survived it, but treatment may have helped. It sounds like you're doing the right things for your son, but you need to take care of yourself too.

[Anonymous]

He needs a hobby. Is he involved in any extracurricular activities?

As soon as he’s old enough, make him get a job at least during the summers. Every summer.

[Anonymous]

Is he funny or handsome or good at sports or drama? Is he kind? I can’t believe there’s nothing he’s good at. It’s just that you don’t see or value those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, yes, not every kid is smart. It's tough to come to this realization especially when everyone around you is bragging about their kid or every kid seems to be getting straight As all the time every time. But if you really have got him help and tried all you could, then you just have to begin the process of accepting.

I went to a small private school growing up and I am in touch with my most of 75 kids I knew in 8th grade thanks to social media. Pretty much how kids were at age 12 is how they ended up as adults and those who changed were the exception and not the rule. So yeah, I get what you are saying.

You might want to consider looking up Auditory Processing Disorder. It goes undiagnosed quite a bit. What you said about your child lacking common sense is what made me think of it. One of my kids was finally diagnosed with this after an ADHD diagnosis and a few others. He did appear to lack common sense and did seem to be able to follow along normal conversations or give the right words in some conversations. It was very frustrating to me because I ended up feeling like you that maybe he was just dumb. I feel bad saying it but sadly he really did sound dumb in some situations.

DC has slow processing speed and poor memory recall. Unfortunately, she doesn't qualify for an IEP because she doesn't have a learning disability. We're tried numerous times because the psy.ed. testing recommended an IEP. It's very difficult to be around colleagues, friends, family members etc. who are constantly bragging about how smart their kids are, involved with some any activities, etc. and to see my child struggle with the most basic academic task. My heart physically aches for my child.

[Anonymous]

There's a peculiar problem of privilege in this area, where MC/UMC kids who are not academically inclined or who have disaffiliated from school just have no place to belong. I often think that my DC would have had an easier time of it if we lived in the industrial midwest where I grew up. There just seemed to be a greater acceptance of alternatives to college, even among middle class folks.

My suggestion--besides therapy for yourself--would be to seek out alternative models for your DC. Do you have any happy, well-adjusted adults in your family or your wider circle who didn't go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with a child that is just dumb as a sack of hammers. He also lies a lot and displays like every personality trait to make a perfect addict or inmate.

Please don’t tell me not to write his fate.

I’m looking for ways to lessen the inevitable damage.

And to decrease the anxiety and aggression in our household.

Steer him towards a career in sales. Seriously.

Good salespeople tend to be bright and be able to have empathy for others.

[Anonymous]

OP the only thing I can offer is a virtual hug. Keep up the fight on behalf of your child, but realize that sometimes we can do everything for our child(ren) to steer them in the right direction of life and they will still make the wrong turns.