My 12 year old isn’t smart

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP, that you are taking some beating here. I can tell from your responses that you are really in it. I don't have any advice! I just wanted to offer empathy. and HUGS. I don't believe it is your fault. Stay strong, lady!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand that situations can sometimes be complicated but him being “entitled “ is on you, the parent. You need to straighten him up while also cheering for the positive efforts he make. You cannot simply give up on your child and expect a good outcome.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is good at something. Find his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here — to have a child that lacks both common sense and book smarts and is entitled and never at fault makes me nervous.

It just is.

That’s understandable. But this is a MUCH kinder way to describe your son’s situation than where you started. I am sorry you are facing the challenges you are facing. You’ve gotten some good suggestions. And you should also try to stop describing him (even in your own head, or on an anon forum) so negatively and with such animus (sp?). My brother was like your son, and he knew my parents disliked him.

[Anonymous]

This is PP with a brother like your son. My brother is now a 50-something year old adult with a great family (wife and step-daughter — he didn’t have kids and that’s good bc he doesn’t have the patience for babies/toddlers, but he’s actually a great step-dad), a job (he’s a guard at a jail), and a home. He’s doing well, although still unpleasant to be around. BUT he still carries around with him the knowledge that his parents disliked him growing up and spent most of their time angry with him. That still affects him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with a child that is just dumb as a sack of hammers. He also lies a lot and displays like every personality trait to make a perfect addict or inmate.

Please don’t tell me not to write his fate.

I’m looking for ways to lessen the inevitable damage.

And to decrease the anxiety and aggression in our household.

Steer him towards a career in sales. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. He's lacking skills in important areas that are affecting his behavior.

I get that you're venting and there are worse places to do so than an anon forum, but your perception of your son is part of the issue.

I second the suggestion for something with horses or even a volunteer program at an animal shelter.

[Anonymous]

You didn't really explain what you meant by "dumb". In terms of what--academic skills? practical skills? What do his therapists and teachers say? Does any of this therapy involve you or his other parent? Are you mom or dad? What does the other parent think?

I see lots of angles from which more perspective would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op — this is an off the beaten path idea but have you tried a therapy with horses? A few years ago a parent volunteer I worked with was involved with that kind of therapy somewhere around or near the DC area. I’m being totally serious about this. There is something about being around these animals and caring for these animals that helps people. I’ve heard of groups that work successfully with people who have special needs. I’ve also heard use of it to help rehabilitate convicts.

Yes. equine therapy is a real thing. As is marine therapy (i can't believe if it's dolphins or orcas). However, I believe it's mostly used for people with PTSD.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my DS at that age.

We were certain he was headed to prison.

Then we got a an accurate diagnosis (14), got him medicated (14), he started to finally mature and find hobbies (15 and music).

He’s now 24 and just started his Masters in music compilation and business. He’s of average intelligence (we got him IQ tested, 105). He has a passion and a drive. He has support and medication and he constantly is working on his mental health.

Don’t label your kid at 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my DS at that age.

We were certain he was headed to prison.

Then we got a an accurate diagnosis (14), got him medicated (14), he started to finally mature and find hobbies (15 and music).

He’s now 24 and just started his Masters in music compilation and business. He’s of average intelligence (we got him IQ tested, 105). He has a passion and a drive. He has support and medication and he constantly is working on his mental health.

Don’t label your kid at 12.

Np here I have a cousin who it might be too late for...how did you eventually get the accurate diagnosis? What did you look for in terms of therapists? Do you have any suggestions for a kid who is already independent aged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my DS at that age.

We were certain he was headed to prison.

Then we got a an accurate diagnosis (14), got him medicated (14), he started to finally mature and find hobbies (15 and music).

He’s now 24 and just started his Masters in music compilation and business. He’s of average intelligence (we got him IQ tested, 105). He has a passion and a drive. He has support and medication and he constantly is working on his mental health.

Don’t label your kid at 12.

OP had said her son is on meds and seeing a therapist. Some parents should see their kids for who they are. And 12 is old enough to have a sense of how they might turn out in terms of personality and drive.

[Anonymous]

What is his IQ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has your genetics. You are a miserable person so of course he has issues.

There’s that DCUM support I know and love.

I think more people should accept their kids are exceptional. Our son isn’t smart. And yet he’s entitled. And he’s never wrong.

It’s a dangerous combo.

He became that way because of your parenting. Step up and help him with school or get him a tutor. Better yet, give him to another family who wants him. You clearly don't. This is a parenting issue.

Where are these families willing to take him????? Yeah right. The foster system must just be empty......

I don't believe parents can make kids 100 Percent one thing or another. Can you parent a kid into adhd, bi polar, anorexia??? Not really

[Anonymous]

OP, you mentioned that there were addicts in your family. Is there any chance that there’s a history of personality disorder? I am NOT diagnosing your son. I bring it up because cluster B personality disorders like narcissism and borderline are sometimes linked to addiction. When these things pop up in families, they can cause multi-generational trauma. Sometimes that can manifest in attachment disorders and ADHD symptoms in children. IF (and only if) that is the case, you understanding your family history better an help you to be a better parent and to set good boundaries. One resource that I love for this is outofthefog.net. Anyway, it’s a reach, but it seems like you’re looking for any and all possible solutions, so I thought I’d throw that path out there to explore in the off chance that it fits.