How to be a good wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy and I prefer very traditional gender roles. Luckily Dw does also.

I provide via excellent job so she can raise our kids and we have enough $ for help. My expectations is she keeps in shape, well groomed, wears quality and attractive clothes, and yes we have an active sex life, which includes lots of what we both want. doesn't mean bj or sex every day but we both try to be available for each other.

Our marriage is more or less like this as well. But even with this, there is the expectation the both spouses:
1) Be kind. Speak at least as nicely to your spouse as you would to a stranger or a co-worker.

2). Be considerate. Anticipate some of the needs of your spouse at least some of the time. If the other person something important coming up, give them some space. This isn’t the time to bring up what a PITA his mom is. If someone is sick at home, then offer to go to the store and get some food or medicine.

3). Both partners should know the financial situation in the house, the day to day running of the house, how to care for the house and cars and make basic repairs, and how to take care of the children. And both should help the other out when needed. If he loses his job, then she needs to cut way back on spending and maybe look for part time work. If she is sick or has surgery, then he should step up and do the basics to manage the day to day of the house. You don’t just keep doing you and tell the other person to step it up or remain ignorant of their contributions.

This is what I see most of the complaints about on this forum from men and women. People either dont understand or underestimate what the other person is bringing to the marriage, and at the same time leave no room for their partner to make a change. Wife is mad that husband isn’t home more, but isn’t willing to make signifant changes to their spending to enable him to work less. Husband doesn’t value his SAHW, but won’t step it up at home so she can return to work.
Also, just doing small things to make the other persons job easier on a regular basis is helpful too. If he’s making dinner, set the table and fix a salad. If he’s mowing the lawn, do the inside household chores so you both have the afternoon free, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always think the “food and sex” stuff is ridiculous. It makes it sound like men want some kind of Amelia Bedelia/prostitute hybrid, when really men want someone who is part I dream of Jeanie, part June Cleaver, part Alice Nelson, part Charlie’s Angel, and part Claire Huxtable, all wrapped into one person. Men are just as complicated as women.

They really aren’t.

They really are.

Sorry your husband is exhausting.

He isn’t any different than the multitudes of other men I know personally through work, church, friends and family, as well male authors and poets I have read, male radio hosts I have listened to, male teachers I have had, etc.

Men are just as thoughtful and complicated as women.

Hear hear!! I agree.
They are DIFFERENT from women, have different priorities, but that's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy and I prefer very traditional gender roles. Luckily Dw does also.

I provide via excellent job so she can raise our kids and we have enough $ for help. My expectations is she keeps in shape, well groomed, wears quality and attractive clothes, and yes we have an active sex life, which includes lots of what we both want. doesn't mean bj or sex every day but we both try to be available for each other.

Our marriage is more or less like this as well. But even with this, there is the expectation the both spouses:
1) Be kind. Speak at least as nicely to your spouse as you would to a stranger or a co-worker.

2). Be considerate. Anticipate some of the needs of your spouse at least some of the time. If the other person something important coming up, give them some space. This isn’t the time to bring up what a PITA his mom is. If someone is sick at home, then offer to go to the store and get some food or medicine.

3). Both partners should know the financial situation in the house, the day to day running of the house, how to care for the house and cars and make basic repairs, and how to take care of the children. And both should help the other out when needed. If he loses his job, then she needs to cut way back on spending and maybe look for part time work. If she is sick or has surgery, then he should step up and do the basics to manage the day to day of the house. You don’t just keep doing you and tell the other person to step it up or remain ignorant of their contributions.

This is what I see most of the complaints about on this forum from men and women. People either dont understand or underestimate what the other person is bringing to the marriage, and at the same time leave no room for their partner to make a change. Wife is mad that husband isn’t home more, but isn’t willing to make significant changes to their spending to enable him to work less. Husband doesn’t value his SAHW, but won’t step it up at home so she can return to work.
Also, just doing small things to make the other persons job easier on a regular basis is helpful too. If he’s making dinner, set the table and fix a salad. If he’s mowing the lawn, do the inside household chores so you both have the afternoon free, etc.

Unfortunately, "very traditional roles" do not leave room for change. And "very traditional roles" usually lead to spouses who do not appreciate what their counterparts do. It's all fined and good until the DH loses the high income and cannot find a similar job (it happens), or the DH falls in love with someone else (it happens!). And the DW is left at a huge disadvantage if the marriage does not work out.

I would never advise my daughter to get into a marriage with "very traditional roles". Somewhat traditional (e.g. work part time, work at a less demanding job)? maybe. Very traditionl? Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

He expects sex and lots of it. Whenever and however he wants it. Doesn't matter if you're tired after a long day of work, or if you get 3 hours of sleep each night because he snores like a bear, or if you've been up all night long with an nursing infant. You better deliver. And with a smile. And initiate sex too. Sex is really the only defining determiner for a good marriage to a man. Have sex = great marriage. Don't have sex = he'll have an affair and you'll be stuck trying to figure out if you should tuck in all your pride and forgive him or divorce him on the spot. Hopefully that happens before you become a single mom. If not, you'll divorce him and have to split your time with your kid w/him and the woman he decided to have sex with when you wouldn't. Cheers!!

[Anonymous]

^LOL. This comports with the other thread on here that sex is the most important thing for a man.

Get sex right and I think nothing else matters is the lesson l learned on DCUM. I think it’s similar to what is written here as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always think the “food and sex” stuff is ridiculous. It makes it sound like men want some kind of Amelia Bedelia/prostitute hybrid, when really men want someone who is part I dream of Jeanie, part June Cleaver, part Alice Nelson, part Charlie’s Angel, and part Claire Huxtable, all wrapped into one person. Men are just as complicated as women.

They really aren’t.

They really are.

Sorry your husband is exhausting.

He isn’t any different than the multitudes of other men I know personally through work, church, friends and family, as well male authors and poets I have read, male radio hosts I have listened to, male teachers I have had, etc.
Thanks
Men are just as thoughtful and complicated as women.

Man here, I am really not that complicated. I love food, sex and affection and if my wife is happy I am too. Most men are like me and can be very happy with the simple stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always think the “food and sex” stuff is ridiculous. It makes it sound like men want some kind of Amelia Bedelia/prostitute hybrid, when really men want someone who is part I dream of Jeanie, part June Cleaver, part Alice Nelson, part Charlie’s Angel, and part Claire Huxtable, all wrapped into one person. Men are just as complicated as women.

They really aren’t.

They really are.

Sorry your husband is exhausting.

He isn’t any different than the multitudes of other men I know personally through work, church, friends and family, as well male authors and poets I have read, male radio hosts I have listened to, male teachers I have had, etc.

Men are just as thoughtful and complicated as women.

Hear hear!! I agree.
They are DIFFERENT from women, have different priorities, but that's OK.

No, we’re not complicated. Also we don’t change from the person you married just because you want us to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full stomach
Empty balls

We're not that complicated

Wife here and I agree with this. If my husband is getting laid regularly and no one's giving him a hard time about anything, he's very happy. You would think for a guy with his level of intelligence it would be more complicated than that but it's really not.

I agree, too, but it helps if both have a healthy appetite for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He expects sex and lots of it. Whenever and however he wants it. Doesn't matter if you're tired after a long day of work, or if you get 3 hours of sleep each night because he snores like a bear, or if you've been up all night long with an nursing infant. You better deliver. And with a smile. And initiate sex too. Sex is really the only defining determiner for a good marriage to a man. Have sex = great marriage. Don't have sex = he'll have an affair and you'll be stuck trying to figure out if you should tuck in all your pride and forgive him or divorce him on the spot. Hopefully that happens before you become a single mom. If not, you'll divorce him and have to split your time with your kid w/him and the woman he decided to have sex with when you wouldn't. Cheers!!

Don’t date or marry a man who wants sex more than you do. And definitely do NOT ever have more sex before marriage than you would want after marriage. In this way, the problem you mention above is fully in your control and isn’t actually a problem at all. Do you now understand your important role in avoiding this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be great if you made a pile of money. Seriously, we're OK with that.

Have some pride, dear god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be great if you made a pile of money. Seriously, we're OK with that.

Have some pride, dear god.

NP. Why is is that the person needs to have pride for wanting the husband to earn money whereas it's OK if men want wives who always look good/stay thin/wear nice clothes/provide sex like men want? Sounds hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Don’t change just because you’re married. Stay the same as you were before marriage and you should be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be great if you made a pile of money. Seriously, we're OK with that.

Have some pride, dear god.

NP. Why is is that the person needs to have pride for wanting the husband to earn money whereas it's OK if men want wives who always look good/stay thin/wear nice clothes/provide sex like men want? Sounds hypocritical.

Men and women are not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be great if you made a pile of money. Seriously, we're OK with that.

Have some pride, dear god.

NP. Why is is that the person needs to have pride for wanting the husband to earn money whereas it's OK if men want wives who always look good/stay thin/wear nice clothes/provide sex like men want? Sounds hypocritical.

Men and women are not the same.

Wow, didn't expect this response. Hypocritical is hypocritical. Not sure that one sex is allowed to be so and another isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full stomach
Empty balls

We're not that complicated

Wife here and I agree with this. If my husband is getting laid regularly and no one's giving him a hard time about anything, he's very happy. You would think for a guy with his level of intelligence it would be more complicated than that but it's really not.

I’m cracking up because this is my DH exactly. It took me a long time to figure this out too because I just swore he was keeping score somewhere or it couldn’t be that easy.