Asking an adult to let you know when they get home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how people think this is nice and comforting, etc. But when you think about it, it's a little odd. Do you text your family members whenever you drive anywhere to let them know you got there safe? If you're on a trip, for example, do you text your parents whenever you go from point a to point b?

Not knocking the "text me when you get home" thing, just curious about why you'd do it for one trip but not another.

Because it's not about preventing disaster, it's about offloading anxiety onto someone else. The trip they want reassurance about is the one that occurs while they're thinking of you (e.g., plane ride right after their visit) not the more dangerous one that occurs when they're not thinking of you (e g., late run to the corner store).

If my plane goes down, (a) it will be on the news, so you'll know, and (b) there's nothing you can do to help. But I find it very reassuring that my workplace has a policy about who to call if I am unexpectedly absent: that's actually helpful.

[Anonymous]

It's not onerous, OP, and it shows concern for your well-being.

It says something about your maturity that you have an adolescent reaction to such a simple request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mom would do this when we drove anywhere over 2 hrs away. She would then call immediately after we sent a message we had arrived.

I have no problem sending a text. Most of us do in the family. However, if I just left a few hours ago and texted that I arrived home safely, I usually don't pick up the phone. I am more than willing to call back tomorrow, but when I get home I have things to do before I go to bed and I don't have time to talk to the person I just left.

[Anonymous]

A few years back DH and I were dropping SIL off at her hotel while we were all on a family vacation but staying in different lodging. MIL made DH have SIL text him when she got to her hotel room. That's a little much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how people think this is nice and comforting, etc. But when you think about it, it's a little odd. Do you text your family members whenever you drive anywhere to let them know you got there safe? If you're on a trip, for example, do you text your parents whenever you go from point a to point b?

Not knocking the "text me when you get home" thing, just curious about why you'd do it for one trip but not another.

Because it's not about preventing disaster, it's about offloading anxiety onto someone else. The trip they want reassurance about is the one that occurs while they're thinking of you (e.g., plane ride right after their visit) not the more dangerous one that occurs when they're not thinking of you (e g., late run to the corner store).

If my plane goes down, (a) it will be on the news, so you'll know, and (b) there's nothing you can do to help. But I find it very reassuring that my workplace has a policy about who to call if I am unexpectedly absent: that's actually helpful.

But if a plane goes down, it'll take a while for your family to figure out if you were on that particular flight. I used to travel a lot for work and my dh never asked about my flight information and I always wondered what would happen if my plane did go down. I guess he'd have called my cell and waited to see if I called back.

[Anonymous]

My own mom still texts me when her airplane lands. Meaning any airplane she is on (and she travels a lot!). It's a sign people care, if this is a big issue you need perspective

[Anonymous]

Yeah I grew up in a family like rhis. Parents and grandparents.who did this are gone. I'm Married but my single brother still does this w us.usually..im fine with it and glad to.be his person.

[Anonymous]

Just do it. I have a friend who insists on this whether an take Uber, drive or my DH is driving and neither of us has had any alcohol. When she was in her 20s her best friend was killed by a drunk driver on the way home from my friend’s BD party. She can’t sleep until she knows you are ok. It’s a small thing to put others at ease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents, sister and I do this without even asking. My sister and I are both married with our own families.

Us too.

[Anonymous]

We do this in my family - it feels more like a social interactional custom than anything else - kind of like saying please and thank you. In some pragmatic sense, these are all meaningless activities, but personally I like life better with please, thank you and a brief text saying you’re home safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when you agree to do this you add to their anxiety and paranoia. I would refuse.

Actually, it's the opposite. You are adding to their fear. You know this, and are doing it on purpose of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is suffocating, but they most likely suffer from anxiety, so I would comply but have fun with it. Text “dead in ditch” or “abducted by serial killers” when you arrive home. ?

You joke but about 20 years ago my mom and sister tried to make us all have a code phrase we could call and say if we were ever abducted. Anxiety is real. It stopped after a while since my mom constantly butt dials us from her cell and I would jokingly yell into the phone “are you abducted?!”

[Anonymous]

My mom used to make me call her when I would drive back to college or the base when I was in the Army. I stopped doing it, she stopped asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when you agree to do this you add to their anxiety and paranoia. I would refuse.

Actually, it's the opposite. You are adding to their fear. You know this, and are doing it on purpose of course.

The thing is, when someone has anxiety and you give in to their anxious requests, you’re reinforcing the idea that their anxiety is reasonable. When you stop catering to their anxiety, then they can begin to deal with their issues. It’s like when kids are afraid to go to school because they think their teacher doesn’t like them. The worst thing you can do is keep them at home because it teaches them that you agree they should have something to about from going to school. Learning coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety is healthier than forcing friends and family to alter their lifestyles to temporarily alleviate your fears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is suffocating, but they most likely suffer from anxiety, so I would comply but have fun with it. Text “dead in ditch” or “abducted by serial killers” when you arrive home. ?

You joke but about 20 years ago my mom and sister tried to make us all have a code phrase we could call and say if we were ever abducted. Anxiety is real. It stopped after a while since my mom constantly butt dials us from her cell and I would jokingly yell into the phone “are you abducted?!”

Old people don’t know that you hit the lock button on the phone before putting it in your bag. Just tell her.