Help me find a punishment to fit this crime

[Anonymous]

Op here- just to be clear I didn’t scream at him at all. I lectured him. I am very gentle and rarely raise my voice so when I take a stronger tone the kids get upset.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him to fix the situation. Have him offer the cards to the neighbor boy not at the birthday, and ask him to come up with another gift. Earning money is also fine. Like one chore, $1, have him do two a day for $20.

Neighbor boy gets two gifts. You get help with chores. Son learns that fixing things takes time and effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we won’t miss the birthday, the kid doesn’t have a lot of friends and really likes my son. Honestly, it’s more of a punishment to make him go. Maybe I should ask if he can stay for longer?!

He doesn’t get allowance so that’s out.

He has been increasingly defiant as summer has progressing.

He’s an alpha child and is always trying to lead the pack, including me his mother. I feel that this is also about teaching respect for women as he often feels that his way is the right way and argues with me (more then his father) when I tell him to do something.

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I understand that the lecturing was not helpful but honestly I was too mad to care. I am not a robot and I was furious at him! His little sister said “cover your ears like this” lol!!

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One more thing- maybe another reason why I’m so mad I’m realizing is because the birthday kid is obviously kind of uncool and unlikeable. he’s from a different culture than us and I see him struggling a lot and my heart goes out to him and his mother. I wish my son would take more of an interest in him but i can’t push it too much. I specifically picked out the cards as I thought they would help him fit in more and be a good social currency. So, maybe a punishment surrounding this kid? Not sure like maybe more play dates? Is that a good idea or mean?

OP, do I really need to tell you that screaming at your son while he cries is not funny, nor is it likely to lead to him "respecting" you. Perhaps his issue with your authority is not that you are a woman, but that you are out of control and struggle to parent? I mean, forcing him to be friends with the little boy you feel sorry for as a punishment? Really? It's a terrible idea.

There is no more punishment for the cards. You lost control and screamed at him; the teachable moment is over. The social awkward neighbor child does not exist to help you teach your son a lesson, so stop thinking up ideas involving him. It's fine to struggle, no one is perfect. But get some help for yourself. Parenting classes or a few consultations with a therapist.

You are what is wrong with American parents.

OP, call your kid in, and rip up the cards in front of him. All his favorite toys and screens go to "jail" until he earns their way out. Including going to the party and being the best birthday guest ever.

You were right to yell.