For those with grown kids, what advice would you give?

[Anonymous]

If they have any medical symptoms take it seriously and be tenacious. My 25 yr old daughter just had a bowel resection and ovary removed because of endometriosis. She used to complain about pain since she was 13. We all thought she was just sensitive.

[Anonymous]

To the previous poster with DD with resection and ovary removal, I think my 24 year old daughter is headed in this direction after years of pain. She has been diagnosed with PCOS and is currently not working due to this pain. If you could share more about this, and what you learned about your daughters condition, perhaps in a thread in the Health section, I would be very grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is your kid. All those people who say my kid won't or doesn't does.

They are smoking, they are drinking, they are vaping, they are having sex.

Remember what you were doing at their age and realize things are happening a lot faster these days. Meet the other kids and meet their parents and be friends with them even if you don't like them.

Don't stock the beach house during beach week with bases and cases of beer.

I was NEVER that kid. I never drank, smoked, did drugs, and was barely kissing boys senior year. I still have never done a drug or smoked a cigarette a day in my life. This is something people tell themselves to make them feel better about their kid who IS doing these things.

Do you think you were NEVER that kid due to great parenting? I've also never done drugs or smoked, and I didn't drink until I was 21. But that was just my personality, and had nothing to do with my parents.

NP. I think t's a little of both, but do agree personality has a lot to do with it, and your peer group to a degree. I didn't drink until college, tried weed a couple times in grad school, had sex way later than most of my peers. I was an eldest child, quiet, and had a good group of friends in high school but my closest were also the sliighty nerdy good-two-shoes type. My middle sister was much more of a rebel, struggled a bit socially while desperately wanting to be popular, and definitely engaged in more risky behavior in high school. She was a great liar and managed to throw a house party while my parents were out of town. My youngest brother was more in between us, he drank some in high school but was generally pretty responsible. He ran with kids who were pretty motivated academically but not quite the nerds.

And you know what- we're all pretty well-adjusted adults. My DH and his sister never drank until they were 21 (SIL pretty much abstains entirely) and DH does attribute it to how strict his parents were. Maybe, but I can see how my SIL is raising her kids in that same strict manner and how her son is starting to rebel against it. I think one thing I would do differently than my parents did is just TALK to my kids about this stuff beyond the "don't drink, don't smoke, don't have sex" that we got. I want them to feel comfortable enough to call me if they get in trouble.

[Anonymous]

I was a goody two shoes who never smoked, drank, had sex, etc. It was mostly because we were absolutely terrified of my psychologically abusive parents.

I missed all of the signals that my son was struggling in high school, getting high, going to school high -- because this was so incredibly far outside of my own experience.

While it's great to feel all smug and superior that you were perfect child' , it's also really easy to think that your kids are also perfect little angels and miss all of the signals of what's really going on.

I wanted to trust my kids since I was basically treated like a prisoner for years. I fought with my husband about ever doing things like putting a phone tracker on their phone.

My number one piece of advice would be to attempt to work through your own issues before your kids reach the next stage, and to realize what they are and how they affect your parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take advice from parents with kids who are happy & successful. They did something right.

I chuckle every time the parents of kids who have dropped out of college, live at home at 30 and have zero ambition/ self worth are quick to give advice.

Some people are happy and healthy despite having terrible parents, so YOUR advice isn’t really relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was told once, "at 13years, you're done". They're formed. There's not much you can do. I now think that is true. I didn't pay attention when that advice was given to me. Don't really know what I would have done differently *BUT* I do think 9 - 13 are by far the most formative years when parents still have influence.

I'm a parent of three kids and am also parenting our niece; ages are 16-28. I don't agree with the above. Parents have a lot of opportunities to help "coach" kids through HS, college and even beyond. If you have a good relationship, you respect their self-awareness and goals, but respond to requests for advice. Even if they don't take it, you let them know you're in their corner.