For those with grown kids, what advice would you give?

[Anonymous]

The two main things I learned was to trust my gut and the small steps add up over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take advice from parents with kids who are happy & successful. They did something right.

I chuckle every time the parents of kids who have dropped out of college, live at home at 30 and have zero ambition/ self worth are quick to give advice.

I wonder how many of those kids have disabilites that you don't know about or understand but go ahead, pass judgement on the parents.

[Anonymous]

My five are grown. No one living in my basement - at least not right now. My only advice is to love and accept the child you have. Not the child you thought you would have. Provide unconditional love and acceptance. Support and encourage their passions. The time goes by faster than you can possibly imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take advice from parents with kids who are happy & successful. They did something right.

I chuckle every time the parents of kids who have dropped out of college, live at home at 30 and have zero ambition/ self worth are quick to give advice.

But they could give advice on what they wish they had done differently.

[Anonymous]

Quality time is great, but quantity time matters.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the happy successful kids are just really good at hiding their pain And mistakes from their type a parents. I know I was. What you see is often what you want to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take advice from parents with kids who are happy & successful. They did something right.

I chuckle every time the parents of kids who have dropped out of college, live at home at 30 and have zero ambition/ self worth are quick to give advice.

You can chuckle all you want but those are the people I’d want to hear from—what they would do differently in hindsight.

[Anonymous]

Always set a good example for your kids. Don’t smoke, only drink in moderation, be a family and not a bunch of individuals, portray a happy marriage, create boundaries or guard rails and hold to them, prioritize education over sports, teach them the basics of money/savings/hard work, and let them know they are loved. Our kids are now married young adults and we are very proud of them and feel good about what we did as parents.

[Anonymous]

Our four girls are all grown up and in their 20s and 30s now. They are all doing well to varying degrees, and we have a very good relationship with all four of them. One really had her struggles getting through high school, and that was not easy. The other three were all pretty easy DCUM standards.

Looking back, the one thing that I wish I had done differently is put so much pressure on the kids, particularly the oldest, to achieve academically. There is simply no point to it – you cannot motivate and unmotivated kid, and with time and maturity the destined to become motivated will do it on their own their own. I still believe that going to college matters, but which college you go to really does not. So much wasted energy in high school on college admissions for nothing! Ten years out you will not know which kid went where, and which of your kids’ friends went where.

On the sports front, we were fortunate in that our kids were not athletically inclined, but our sons-in-law were and none of them have anything to do with the sport that so consumed them and their parents when they were growing up. Take that for what it’s worth.

To sum things up, while it’s easier said than done, parents really need to learn not to sweat the small stuff. Or, often, even the medium size stuff. Things have a ways of working out with age and maturity. And when they become adults kids will remember if parents were too hard on them, and that’s not a good thing.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Sorry for the typos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always set a good example for your kids. Don’t smoke, only drink in moderation, be a family and not a bunch of individuals, portray a happy marriage, create boundaries or guard rails and hold to them, prioritize education over sports, teach them the basics of money/savings/hard work, and let them know they are loved. Our kids are now married young adults and we are very proud of them and feel good about what we did as parents.

This, plus start with them at a very early age. If you spoil them early on it becomes very difficult early on. You need to be a teacher from day 1.

[Anonymous]

Diplomacy, Sarcasm, Morbid Humor, Firm Boundaries, Roll With The Punches, and ALWAYS keep an ace up your sleeve.
Six kids. Three sons (27, 26, 24), two daughters (17, 15), The Admiral. (13 going on 85). Three grandchildren, three D'sIL, and it's just so much fun!
I have been married three times, am a #LEOW (Law Enforcement Officer Wife), am a professional musician, amateur Geologist, Singer, and I was raised in a trailer in a hollow in the Appalachian Mountains of NE Tennessee/Southwest Virginia. I have made more mistakes than most people would in 100 years, but I have raised some damn good kids!

[Anonymous]

Wish I'd had my kid do regular chores. It was just easier to do stuff ourselves but making them do regular chores isn't because it makes your life easier (organizing them to do takes time) but because it teaches them good work habits.

[Anonymous]

Get them a therapist when they need one. Don't hope stuff like depression and anxiety will just go away. Especially if this or things like addictions plague other family members. Your kid may go through this just because of their DNA.

[Anonymous]

It is your kid. All those people who say my kid won't or doesn't does.

They are smoking, they are drinking, they are vaping, they are having sex.

Remember what you were doing at their age and realize things are happening a lot faster these days. Meet the other kids and meet their parents and be friends with them even if you don't like them.

Don't stock the beach house during beach week with bases and cases of beer.