DH appears overly chummy with much younger woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say you are fine because I can't imagine the average 30 year old woman wants to get with a 65 year old man.

Maybe she has daddy issues and he is a replacement dad for her?

You are so very naive.

[Anonymous]

See other thread about woman who receives photos of her DH and ap. Lots of good advice there.

I would most certainly snoop - if he is up to something you will want evidence should you want to take him to court.

[Anonymous]

Am I just intimidated because she’s 30, slender, and has a “sexy” foreign accent?
Also, our mutual friends have never said they suspected anything, not that I’ve asked. They like her.

^I think this is your answer.
Your husband seems like a really nice guy, helping others is not unusual for him, it just happens that this woman is young, hot and being EE, probably a little warmer and spontaneous than others.
Of course, you can't just stop feeling what you're feeling - so tell him about it. I'm sure he'll tone it down. But it would be silly to stop any communication with this woman just because of your insecurities. It's also not fair to your husband who seems loyal and a good man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this all happening at work?

If he's pursuing friendships with other women outside of work that's 100% inappropriate. If that's the case I would put a stop to that. Most couples make friends with other couples. Not seeking out the opposite sex, especially single ones. If he's doing that he falls under the "creepy married" guy.

No, they did not meet at work.

What a mixed bag of answers here. I honestly don’t know what to think. She’s really outwardly at least kind and interesting, she’s never married but has lived in several different countries. I *think* she’s from Bulgaria or it might be a neighboring country that she grew up in, lived elsewhere in Europe but definitely Eastern European. I know her by name. She is a neighbor and met my husband at a bar, and we have a lot of mutual friends (ranging from her age to our age). All I can say is DH and her have taken some kind of unusual liking to each other, especially her. A few things bothered me when talking to her, like her asking probing questions like “how did you meet?” and apparently knowing details about him that I didn’t realize he was sharing. And he’s helped her with her car and furniture a while back and has given her a ride home when her car was in service, etc. DH has generally been that kind of guy with friends, male, female, married friends ...but something still seems inappropriate.
Am I just intimidated because she’s 30, slender, and has a “sexy” foreign accent?

Also, our mutual friends have never said they suspected anything, not that I’ve asked. They like her.
OP

I would be uncomfortable with this situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, this situation will absolutely haunt you and that alone will ruin your marriage because it will turn you into an anxiety-ridden person. People are hard-wired to run from people who are angst ridden.

(BTW you are totally justified in feeling upset by the behavior. I would find it disloyal if my DH did chores etc for any woman who isn't old enough to be at least his aunt.)

But I would not confront him - that will only make him hide it more (if he wants to keep the status quo).

You need information for the following reasons:
1. to get the info you need to put you mind at ease
2. to get the info you need to protect yourself in case he does want to jump ship.

[Anonymous]

You need to put your cards on the table and tell him he can have sex with her all he wants.
They will be forever grateful to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say you are fine because I can't imagine the average 30 year old woman wants to get with a 65 year old man.

Maybe she has daddy issues and he is a replacement dad for her?

You are so very naive.

How is a 65 year old man attractive to a 30 yo woman? Gross.

Even if he’s in phenomenal shape for his age, he’s still going to be wrinkly and saggy under his clothes. Plus gray hair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him how you feel. If he pooh-poohs it, ask him how he would feel if you had the same relationship with a handsome, up-and-coming 30 something colleague and was calling him “dear” and telling him details about your life. Sometimes, you have to spell it out for people.

Calling some dear is not sa day.

Babe, baby, even sweetheart or honey would be red flags.

But dear sounds very platonic, father/daughter to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say you are fine because I can't imagine the average 30 year old woman wants to get with a 65 year old man.

Maybe she has daddy issues and he is a replacement dad for her?

You are so very naive.

How is a 65 year old man attractive to a 30 yo woman? Gross.

Even if he’s in phenomenal shape for his age, he’s still going to be wrinkly and saggy under his clothes. Plus gray hair?

It's all about the Benjamins....

The woman is from Eastern Europe. It doesn't matter if he's not a billionaire or a millionaire. If someone does reasonably well in America especially the DC area, he's just as good as a millionaire over there. An older man is probably considered more easily flattered or seduced. Less competition.

[Anonymous]

Hard to know if cheating or just enjoying attention from a young beautiful woman

[Anonymous]

My DH is 55 and he has a female friend in her mid-30's who he plays a lot of golf and tennis with because she is better than most of the guys. I'm envious because I don't play either. Early on I was concerned because she is single and very attractive but he's never given me a reason to think that something might be going on. She usually calls our house line to speak with him so I chat with her quite a bit. Her being around has led me to get into better shape and do a little more initiating so I should actually thank her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this all happening at work?

If he's pursuing friendships with other women outside of work that's 100% inappropriate. If that's the case I would put a stop to that. Most couples make friends with other couples. Not seeking out the opposite sex, especially single ones. If he's doing that he falls under the "creepy married" guy.

No, they did not meet at work.

What a mixed bag of answers here. I honestly don’t know what to think. She’s really outwardly at least kind and interesting, she’s never married but has lived in several different countries. I *think* she’s from Bulgaria or it might be a neighboring country that she grew up in, lived elsewhere in Europe but definitely Eastern European. I know her by name. She is a neighbor and met my husband at a bar, and we have a lot of mutual friends (ranging from her age to our age). All I can say is DH and her have taken some kind of unusual liking to each other, especially her. A few things bothered me when talking to her, like her asking probing questions like “how did you meet?” and apparently knowing details about him that I didn’t realize he was sharing. And he’s helped her with her car and furniture a while back and has given her a ride home when her car was in service, etc. DH has generally been that kind of guy with friends, male, female, married friends ...but something still seems inappropriate.
Am I just intimidated because she’s 30, slender, and has a “sexy” foreign accent?

Also, our mutual friends have never said they suspected anything, not that I’ve asked. They like her.
OP

What you describe sound like my ex dh’s affair down to the rides and help. Check his cell phone records and get a gps for his car. Do not confront; he will deny and hide better.

If you did that to me and I was not guilty, it would destroy the relationship for me.

I don't think so. The destruction would be my husband meeting women in bars, befriending them and working on their car. Totally wrong.

OP just be up front, tell him you want this to end whatever it is. I would talk to her as well next time she calls, or you see her. Give her a tactful but firm hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say you are fine because I can't imagine the average 30 year old woman wants to get with a 65 year old man.

Maybe she has daddy issues and he is a replacement dad for her?

You are so very naive.

How is a 65 year old man attractive to a 30 yo woman? Gross.

Even if he’s in phenomenal shape for his age, he’s still going to be wrinkly and saggy under his clothes. Plus gray hair?

Melania and Donald Trump.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you've gained a lot of weight then you should work on that. You seem obsessed with this EE woman being "slender" which hints to me that you're probably not.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you have a conversation with your husband.? Tell him why you are uncomfortable with this woman. If he is innocent and generally a nice guy, he should understand your concern.