DH appears overly chummy with much younger woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? You should be a little more concerned.

+1!

Large age gaps are not a big deal, culturally.

I hate to echo this and make broad generalizations but it does slightly elevate concern if she's Eastern European. Not saying all Eastern European women are Melania Trump, or that they're prostitutes, or anything disparaging like that. This woman has a job and is presumably here legally and doesn't need a green card, and if she did, would have plenty of other options who are not so old. But the fact is that culturally, it is more normal for young women to be with much older men, and for married older men to have wandering eyes when their wives are post-menopausal. It sounds reprehensible here but it's more accepted there.

What's more, is that 30 is "younger" in the US than it is in Eastern Europe, so it's probably a mix of not seeing as much of an age difference as you do/taking advantage of newfound social freedom here in this country.

- another Eastern European

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned because I would want my dh to show clear boundaries with other women and OP's dh is not doing that. That's a concern regardless of whether there is actual cheating going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? You should be a little more concerned.

Sadly, this is true. I did the expat thing in Eastern Europe for 6 years and saw MANY marriages implode when men left wives for much, much younger local women. There really seems to be less of a stigma for women in that part of the world targeting/dating older, sometimes much older, men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? You should be a little more concerned.

+1!

Large age gaps are not a big deal, culturally.

I hate to echo this and make broad generalizations but it does slightly elevate concern if she's Eastern European. Not saying all Eastern European women are Melania Trump, or that they're prostitutes, or anything disparaging like that. This woman has a job and is presumably here legally and doesn't need a green card, and if she did, would have plenty of other options who are not so old. But the fact is that culturally, it is more normal for young women to be with much older men, and for married older men to have wandering eyes when their wives are post-menopausal. It sounds reprehensible here but it's more accepted there.

What's more, is that 30 is "younger" in the US than it is in Eastern Europe, so it's probably a mix of not seeing as much of an age difference as you do/taking advantage of newfound social freedom here in this country.

- another Eastern European

Agreed, coming from another Eastern European. While in the US 30 is young, it's basically washed up and middle aged for a woman to be over the age of 25 in my native country. And there isn't the same stigma to be with an older man. I would be uncomfortable with the friendship and I would trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Damn the man is 65 years old let him live a little.

[Anonymous]

I had a guy your husband’s age hit on me (I was 30). He would always stop by my desk and give me compliments/tell me a funny story/ask for computer help. I put a stop to it when he gave me a dozen red roses by handing them back and reminding him that I was married. So was he but that didn’t stop him. Your husband is close to cheating if he hasn’t already. This woman sees a shortcut to the life she aspires to ala Wendi Deng.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, I don't know.

I work in a largely male environment and work fairly closely with a guy in one of the departments I support. We've worked together in these roles for 11 years and it's a cool work friendship. He's probably 15-20 years my senior and has what I believe to be a happy marriage. I can tell you that in our case there is exactly 0 impropriety going on. I like and respect him and we will chat about non work stuff like "how was your weekend" or "did you run today?" We have an easy rapport. But there is 0 chance it would ever be more than that. If I ever met his wife, I'd be happy to meet her.

I have a lot of guy friends. I have always worked in mostly male environments due to my job, so I'm used to hanging with guys. I'm hoping in your case it's something similar.

[Anonymous]

Is this all happening at work?

If he's pursuing friendships with other women outside of work that's 100% inappropriate. If that's the case I would put a stop to that. Most couples make friends with other couples. Not seeking out the opposite sex, especially single ones. If he's doing that he falls under the "creepy married" guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? You should be a little more concerned.

+1!

Large age gaps are not a big deal, culturally.

I hate to echo this and make broad generalizations but it does slightly elevate concern if she's Eastern European. Not saying all Eastern European women are Melania Trump, or that they're prostitutes, or anything disparaging like that. This woman has a job and is presumably here legally and doesn't need a green card, and if she did, would have plenty of other options who are not so old. But the fact is that culturally, it is more normal for young women to be with much older men, and for married older men to have wandering eyes when their wives are post-menopausal. It sounds reprehensible here but it's more accepted there.

What's more, is that 30 is "younger" in the US than it is in Eastern Europe, so it's probably a mix of not seeing as much of an age difference as you do/taking advantage of newfound social freedom here in this country.

- another Eastern European

Agreed, coming from another Eastern European. While in the US 30 is young, it's basically washed up and middle aged for a woman to be over the age of 25 in my native country. And there isn't the same stigma to be with an older man. I would be uncomfortable with the friendship and I would trust your gut.

+1 beware OP. My ex-husband left me for one of those. It didn’t work out, but she destroyed a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this all happening at work?

If he's pursuing friendships with other women outside of work that's 100% inappropriate. If that's the case I would put a stop to that. Most couples make friends with other couples. Not seeking out the opposite sex, especially single ones. If he's doing that he falls under the "creepy married" guy.

You were not clear iIF they work together, but I agree with this pp + 100. Fellow employees are certainly talking about hm and it would be n his best interest to shut that down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a lot of mo yes he could spending on her in exchange for sex?

Not particularly. She doesn’t seem like a prostitute (I know, that could mean nothing) and she has a real job, I know where she works. She’s relatively new in town, from I think Bulgaria. NOT that I want to generalize about Eastern European women. She’s very nice, and intelligent, and there are other, wealthier, and more conventionally attractive men in their 40s in our circles that she could have “targeted” if that was her agenda. But she just really seems to like DH, and It seems a bit much for “just friends.” -OP

Oh girrrrrrl, she's a operator. Dont turn your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? You should be a little more concerned.

+1!

Large age gaps are not a big deal, culturally.

I hate to echo this and make broad generalizations but it does slightly elevate concern if she's Eastern European. Not saying all Eastern European women are Melania Trump, or that they're prostitutes, or anything disparaging like that. This woman has a job and is presumably here legally and doesn't need a green card, and if she did, would have plenty of other options who are not so old. But the fact is that culturally, it is more normal for young women to be with much older men, and for married older men to have wandering eyes when their wives are post-menopausal. It sounds reprehensible here but it's more accepted there.

What's more, is that 30 is "younger" in the US than it is in Eastern Europe, so it's probably a mix of not seeing as much of an age difference as you do/taking advantage of newfound social freedom here in this country.

- another Eastern European

Agreed, coming from another Eastern European. While in the US 30 is young, it's basically washed up and middle aged for a woman to be over the age of 25 in my native country. And there isn't the same stigma to be with an older man. I would be uncomfortable with the friendship and I would trust your gut.

+1 beware OP. My ex-husband left me for one of those. It didn’t work out, but she destroyed a family.

The thing is if not her, someone else. Be happy you weren't the one that wasted decades. I know women that did that because they stuck their head in the sand. Thought spying on them was wrong yet they should have done that way back in the beginning. Probably a lot of red flags. She probably did you a favor.

[Anonymous]

I wouldnt say anything, but just keep watching and keep your confidence up

I am an attractive 35 married woman and 100% believe men and women cannot 100% be just friends. It seems someone is always a little flirty but I would never cheat

[Anonymous]

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

[Anonymous]

Seriously watch out for Eastern European women. They have no problem going after older married men. Doesn’t matter that you’re not rich by our standards, to them he is loaded.