Reflections from an aging soccer dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question from a happy parent. My 11yo kid has been playing for the same club for years. He is not a superstar but he easily made A team every year. His team is doing very well, winning a lot of games in league and tournaments. He’s happy and committed. I can’t think of any reason to move him, but can’t help wondering if I missed something in the big picture. I am not looking at scholarships or pro probabilities, even though my kid aspires to be one. I just thought it’d be nice to have a hobby and some friends and maybe a boost to college admissions. Any advice?

Your goals and your kids goals may not be aligned here. All kids certainly think they can be a pro, but if playing in college is a serious goal for your kid then you might need to look at things a little differently but at 11 years old there is certainly time.

All you can really ask for at this age is that he is happy and stays committed, he will let you know if he wants more of a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question from a happy parent. My 11yo kid has been playing for the same club for years. He is not a superstar but he easily made A team every year. His team is doing very well, winning a lot of games in league and tournaments. He’s happy and committed. I can’t think of any reason to move him, but can’t help wondering if I missed something in the big picture. I am not looking at scholarships or pro probabilities, even though my kid aspires to be one. I just thought it’d be nice to have a hobby and some friends and maybe a boost to college admissions. Any advice?

Looks like you are in a good spot, you hit on the important things such as "he's happy and committed" . I didn't see things fall apart until u13/u14 when kids started to drop like flies, mostly from distractions like girls and wanting a more active social life, some when to other sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question from a happy parent. My 11yo kid has been playing for the same club for years. He is not a superstar but he easily made A team every year. His team is doing very well, winning a lot of games in league and tournaments. He’s happy and committed. I can’t think of any reason to move him, but can’t help wondering if I missed something in the big picture. I am not looking at scholarships or pro probabilities, even though my kid aspires to be one. I just thought it’d be nice to have a hobby and some friends and maybe a boost to college admissions. Any advice?

Things will change a lot in the next few years. If he’s happy I don’t even understand why you are posting, humble brags aside.

If he’s not doing a lot of work in his own in coming years, he may not stay on the A team and if that hurts his ego then he might lose the love. It’s often harder for kids that have everything go their way early in their sports career to handle failure down the road.

[Anonymous]

^agree. All the A team players from my son’s U9 year quit the sport when they got demoted a few years later.

[Anonymous]

If I could Hoback in time and not do soccer. Yes. Not do it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question from a happy parent. My 11yo kid has been playing for the same club for years. He is not a superstar but he easily made A team every year. His team is doing very well, winning a lot of games in league and tournaments. He’s happy and committed. I can’t think of any reason to move him, but can’t help wondering if I missed something in the big picture. I am not looking at scholarships or pro probabilities, even though my kid aspires to be one. I just thought it’d be nice to have a hobby and some friends and maybe a boost to college admissions. Any advice?

Things will change a lot in the next few years. If he’s happy I don’t even understand why you are posting, humble brags aside.

If he’s not doing a lot of work in his own in coming years, he may not stay on the A team and if that hurts his ego then he might lose the love. It’s often harder for kids that have everything go their way early in their sports career to handle failure down the road.

Thanks for your advice. What would you recommend he does on his own time? Running? Clinics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question from a happy parent. My 11yo kid has been playing for the same club for years. He is not a superstar but he easily made A team every year. His team is doing very well, winning a lot of games in league and tournaments. He’s happy and committed. I can’t think of any reason to move him, but can’t help wondering if I missed something in the big picture. I am not looking at scholarships or pro probabilities, even though my kid aspires to be one. I just thought it’d be nice to have a hobby and some friends and maybe a boost to college admissions. Any advice?

Things will change a lot in the next few years. If he’s happy I don’t even understand why you are posting, humble brags aside.

If he’s not doing a lot of work in his own in coming years, he may not stay on the A team and if that hurts his ego then he might lose the love. It’s often harder for kids that have everything go their way early in their sports career to handle failure down the road.

Thanks for your advice. What would you recommend he does on his own time? Running? Clinics?

Footskills, footskills, footskills.

Running is not a skill.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why YOU need to talk with coaches yourself. How else are you going to learn what matters soccer wise, what matters to the coach soccer wise, what the coach sees in your player what the coach looks for in other players and the coaches development philosophy as it applies to the team and your player if you don't try and have that conversation? Asking questions is not in and of itself adversarial and there is no reason to view a coach in an adversarial way. It sounds like you have been frustrated and changed clubs a couple of times and based on the quoted statement above you might be overreacting to things that you might not have a full understanding or proper perspective of developmental stages and timelines for players.

Believe me, we aren't overreacting and we aren't club hoppers. We have multiple kids and look for the best situation for each, which is why we have experience with different clubs. In this situation, our coach is hard to pin down to talk to, but when we talk to him, he is great. We have had two extended conversations and none have been adversarial What he tells us is that our kid has talent, he loves him and wants him on the team, because he believes he could be a great player when the grows. Right now, playing against top level teams, he's a contributor, but not a starter, and that is mainly due to his size. Previously, at a different club, when he was demoted to a lower level team, we were also told it was mainly due to his size. And he hated that lower team, because the kids knew nothing about soccer and in fact, was at risk of being injured playing with much larger kids who could barely control their bodies. We made him do that for a year and it was not fun. He almost quit. The only thing that kept him going was the supplemental training and playing that he did.

The issue I am raising, not necessarily specific to my child, but relevant to him, is that it is extra hard to find a place to play at a decent level and where soccer is fun when you are a late birthday or small or a late boomer. Look at these other responses and you can see that my family is not alone. Sitting on the bench is not easy for kids who want to be out there and when their effort or personal development is not reflected in more playing time, kids disengage. You yourself seem to equate status and talent with playing time. Kids do that too. Even if my kid is mentally tough, he sees his playing time as a reflection of his abilities and from that, he concludes he is not that good, which makes him less interested in soccer. He feels the same thing about new kids being added to the team when there is already a large roster. His confidence falters, he plays worse, and now he wants to quit.

You seem to have all the answers, and obviously think I'm a bad parent and my kid ) is a marginal player. Fine. But it is always worth considering whether there is a better way to do things that could benefit more kids and keep them playing sports longer, which is how this conversation started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I could Hoback in time and not do soccer. Yes. Not do it at all.

Care to share why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are adding making this way more complicated than it needs to be and bubble players just don't happen in a vacuum.

1. If your playing time went from 60% to 30% you might be a bubble player.
2. If your player is suddenly seeing reduced playing time and playing in vastly different positions, you might be a bubble player.
3. If a new kid comes in and starts in your kids main position, you might be a bubble player.
4. If your kid is asked to "guest" in a couple of games on the lower team, you might be a bubble player.

Fine. Who cares? I guess if your kid is a bubble player they deserve no feedback, coaching or encouragement? You you think that it is totally acceptable to cut fully participating youth players mid season because they must know they are bubble players? It is right to significantly reduce or eliminate the playing time of a fully contributing, committed player because new kids are added to the team (and there is no lower team)?

Basically, you seem to be saying that unless your child starts and plays an entire match, they are clearly bubble players, they obviously suck, they must know they suck, and if they had better parents, they would take them elsewhere. OK. You prove my point, which is that it must be all about winning now. I think that kids can learn from being bench players. I'm not shopping from club to club because my child isn't a starter.

You do realize that in your C team statements you proved my point, right? Today's little tiny non-starter may be tomorrow's star. Today's man child striker could be tomorrow's bench player. Both need to work, independent of their size, on their other abilities. But the not quite there kid is less likely to get better (or stick with it) if she's always an afterthought and never gets to play.

I have seen a couple kids all the way through youth soccer. One an elite player, one a B team player. The movement between A and B is virtually non-existent. Most of the movement is among the players of within those teams - who on the A roster is seeing the most time. Almost all of the kids on the A teams have the talent to be there - just depends upon how committed they are. Truly uncommitted kids do drop out, and yes the early bloomers get a brief period to shine while they have 6 inches and 30 lbs on their teammates, but mostly the kids who are the very best athletes at 13 will still be in that group at 18. It is much more likely they will leave for another team, drop out of the sport, or be injured versus replaced by a new B team player that has blossomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is exactly why YOU need to talk with coaches yourself. How else are you going to learn what matters soccer wise, what matters to the coach soccer wise, what the coach sees in your player what the coach looks for in other players and the coaches development philosophy as it applies to the team and your player if you don't try and have that conversation? Asking questions is not in and of itself adversarial and there is no reason to view a coach in an adversarial way. It sounds like you have been frustrated and changed clubs a couple of times and based on the quoted statement above you might be overreacting to things that you might not have a full understanding or proper perspective of developmental stages and timelines for players.

Believe me, we aren't overreacting and we aren't club hoppers. We have multiple kids and look for the best situation for each, which is why we have experience with different clubs. In this situation, our coach is hard to pin down to talk to, but when we talk to him, he is great. We have had two extended conversations and none have been adversarial What he tells us is that our kid has talent, he loves him and wants him on the team, because he believes he could be a great player when the grows. Right now, playing against top level teams, he's a contributor, but not a starter, and that is mainly due to his size. Previously, at a different club, when he was demoted to a lower level team, we were also told it was mainly due to his size. And he hated that lower team, because the kids knew nothing about soccer and in fact, was at risk of being injured playing with much larger kids who could barely control their bodies. We made him do that for a year and it was not fun. He almost quit. The only thing that kept him going was the supplemental training and playing that he did.

The issue I am raising, not necessarily specific to my child, but relevant to him, is that it is extra hard to find a place to play at a decent level and where soccer is fun when you are a late birthday or small or a late boomer. Look at these other responses and you can see that my family is not alone. Sitting on the bench is not easy for kids who want to be out there and when their effort or personal development is not reflected in more playing time, kids disengage. You yourself seem to equate status and talent with playing time. Kids do that too. Even if my kid is mentally tough, he sees his playing time as a reflection of his abilities and from that, he concludes he is not that good, which makes him less interested in soccer. He feels the same thing about new kids being added to the team when there is already a large roster. His confidence falters, he plays worse, and now he wants to quit.

You seem to have all the answers, and obviously think I'm a bad parent and my kid ) is a marginal player. Fine. But it is always worth considering whether there is a better way to do things that could benefit more kids and keep them playing sports longer, which is how this conversation started.

You've never conveyed any of this until now and based on this post I really don't know what your problem even is. It appears that to solve your child's placement issues you have done pretty much everything I have touched upon all along.

Talk to the coach, get a feel for role, potential etc.

It sounds like the previous team laid out their reasons for doubt, your son was small. Ok that is the coaches opinion, you saw things differently and moved to a club where the coach is aligned with your ideals a bit more. Yes, coaches get kids wrong or just like what they like but until that conversation actually happens as a parent you are flying blind.

[Anonymous]

I have seen a couple kids all the way through youth soccer. One an elite player, one a B team player. The movement between A and B is virtually non-existent. Most of the movement is among the players of within those teams - who on the A roster is seeing the most time. Almost all of the kids on the A teams have the talent to be there - just depends upon how committed they are. Truly uncommitted kids do drop out, and yes the early bloomers get a brief period to shine while they have 6 inches and 30 lbs on their teammates, but mostly the kids who are the very best athletes at 13 will still be in that group at 18. It is much more likely they will leave for another team, drop out of the sport, or be injured versus replaced by a new B team player that has blossomed.

Not saying it is, but is another possible explanation that the B team players who were overlooked left for other clubs where they might have become A team players? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

A top B team player at 9v9 should be a A team player at 11v11. This seems to always get lost in all of these discussions on movement.

ANY B team player at 9v9 can be an A team player at 11v11.

It might happen within the club or the player needs to change clubs but that leap is not that large. Once at 11v11 puberty must be kind and the change to the big field exposes some kids better or for worse. But by U15, girls at least, kids are what they are. Boys still have room to grow but the technical side of development is pretty much set for both boys and girls by this age. the tactical side of the game is where most kids actually separate. This is when the early bloomers who rarely had to think will be exposed and those B and C team kids who have been grinding for years and understand the game can move up.

The biggest problem for kids is when they and their parents just accept their lot on the B or C team and they simply don't bother trying out for higher level teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have seen a couple kids all the way through youth soccer. One an elite player, one a B team player. The movement between A and B is virtually non-existent. Most of the movement is among the players of within those teams - who on the A roster is seeing the most time. Almost all of the kids on the A teams have the talent to be there - just depends upon how committed they are. Truly uncommitted kids do drop out, and yes the early bloomers get a brief period to shine while they have 6 inches and 30 lbs on their teammates, but mostly the kids who are the very best athletes at 13 will still be in that group at 18. It is much more likely they will leave for another team, drop out of the sport, or be injured versus replaced by a new B team player that has blossomed.

Not saying it is, but is another possible explanation that the B team players who were overlooked left for other clubs where they might have become A team players? Just curious.

I'm not saying a player here or there doesn't get overlooked, but I think it's fairly rare. Also, to go from one team where they are 'overlooked' to another where they 'blossom' is so subjective - Is it a team in the same league/division? Similar talent pool? Better coach or field access? There's really no way to control for all of that, and frequently when players depart they are knowingly going to a team is maybe a step down in talent or competition where they know they can make a bigger impact. Players need to do what's right for them to enjoy playing and get the experience they want, so if they are not happy and want more playing time or a different position, they should go for it. For players that move, I'd say the majority of time they are moving to teams where there talent will have a greater impact, which is usually a lesser team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^agree. All the A team players from my son’s U9 year quit the sport when they got demoted a few years later.

Curious as to why they quit. Bruised egos, other interests, not playing with the same group of players, ...? What I realize as an adult, is that I miss seeing a group of kids develop together as a team over multiple seasons with little roster tweaks. My kids dabbled in soccer and moved on to sports they prefer. However, these one year / season teams lack something in my mind and heart. Maybe it's the lack of support / unity around a club. What I mean is, that everyone at all levels is cheering on and commited to that club, attends the club's other level and age games to cheer them on. Right now it's like each kid brings their own cheerleaders (e.g. mom/dad). Something is just ... lacking.