Moving things from a kiss goodnight on the sidewalk to coming up to my apartment

[Anonymous]

Happy for you OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He asked me out again for the next night - Sunday night. To a restaurant near his place, haha, but he picked me up and drove me back home so I did not have to deal with the snow. Invited me back to his place - we fooled around but did not yet have sex, which is the level of hooking up I wanted at this point. He has a seven year old and had custody Saturday night, and mentioned in passing on Sunday that he had a babysitter for her Saturday night (he did not have custody Sunday night). I think he put her to bed, babysitter came, and then he needed to get home to relieve the baby sitter before it got too late maybe? Anyway, I think my confusion was right on - he was enjoying kissing me, but he did not want to come up because he needed to get home, so he was sending mixed signals...

He's a loser. Find a better guy to fool around with.

[Anonymous]

I am almost positive a.)He is married/living w/a girlfriend & had to get home or b.)He had another date lined up.

[Anonymous]

When you say custody, you mean visitation? This is the red flag for me. He should be spending time with his child during his visitation not hiring babysitters to try to get in your pants.

[Anonymous]

he needed to get home to relieve the baby sitter before it got too late maybe? Anyway, I think my confusion was right on - he was enjoying kissing me, but he did not want to come up because he needed to get home, so he was sending mixed signals...

Did you already know he had a kid? Seems like "I have limited time because I have a sitter at home" is something he should have mentioned before arranging the date. Getting a sitter is not problematic... not telling you about it is troubling.

[Anonymous]

Getting a sitter is absolutely problematic if he doesn't have primary custody of his daughter. He should be spending limited custody time with his kid and hooking up on his nights with her. This is a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you say custody, you mean visitation? This is the red flag for me. He should be spending time with his child during his visitation not hiring babysitters to try to get in your pants.

Why do you assume visitation? He has fifty fifty custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting a sitter is absolutely problematic if he doesn't have primary custody of his daughter. He should be spending limited custody time with his kid and hooking up on his nights with her. This is a huge red flag.

Op here. He has fifty fifty custody. I think the kid was asleep.

I do wonder about this. For a few months I dated a guy who had two high schoolers every other week. He practically went radio silent during those week. I understood, but at the same time felt like maybe he could've seen me for lunch or seen me for a few hours while his kids were with friends or at least called me a couple times. I kind of agree - sometimes he has custody on Saturday nights and sometimes he doesn't and I assumed this was a Doesnt night and was surprised it was not. On the other hand, we went out once the kid had been put to bed, and it's kind of in some ways potentially a good sign that he would make time to see me rather than just ignoring me during custody weeks.

[Anonymous]

I have a little more than 50% custody and I would never hire a sitter for a date. I have plenty of time to date without sacrificing time with my son. The right man understood that too. Red flag IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a little more than 50% custody and I would never hire a sitter for a date. I have plenty of time to date without sacrificing time with my son. The right man understood that too. Red flag IMO.

Maybe he’s excited about OP and didn’t want to wait all week. If he put his daughter to bed and she was sleeping, AND he has 50-50 custody, I think it’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a sitter is absolutely problematic if he doesn't have primary custody of his daughter. He should be spending limited custody time with his kid and hooking up on his nights with her. This is a huge red flag.

Op here. He has fifty fifty custody. I think the kid was asleep.

I do wonder about this. For a few months I dated a guy who had two high schoolers every other week. He practically went radio silent during those week. I understood, but at the same time felt like maybe he could've seen me for lunch or seen me for a few hours while his kids were with friends or at least called me a couple times. I kind of agree - sometimes he has custody on Saturday nights and sometimes he doesn't and I assumed this was a Doesnt night and was surprised it was not. On the other hand, we went out once the kid had been put to bed, and it's kind of in some ways potentially a good sign that he would make time to see me rather than just ignoring me during custody weeks.

Stay away from men with kids! You are far too self involved to potentially be someone's stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a little more than 50% custody and I would never hire a sitter for a date. I have plenty of time to date without sacrificing time with my son. The right man understood that too. Red flag IMO.

Maybe he’s excited about OP and didn’t want to wait all week. If he put his daughter to bed and she was sleeping, AND he has 50-50 custody, I think it’s ok.

Different poster but you are wrong. This man's priorities are screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a little more than 50% custody and I would never hire a sitter for a date. I have plenty of time to date without sacrificing time with my son. The right man understood that too. Red flag IMO.

I agree with you and I don't have kids yet. I rarely date single fathers because rightly their kids should be first. A guy who skips on time with his kid to go on dates would be a turn off for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am almost positive a.)He is married/living w/a girlfriend & had to get home or b.)He had another date lined up.

This. Something is off. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s excited about OP and didn’t want to wait all week. If he put his daughter to bed and she was sleeping, AND he has 50-50 custody, I think it’s ok.

Agree. No harm done.