Let 30-something "road warrior" / "up in the air" BIL live in our house few days at a time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my thought on helping out relatives. You want to have successful siblings, nieces and nephews and ILs all around. Especially when supporting them is not costing you money (or too much money). Later in life, even if you never need help from your successful relatives ever, it is a great peace of mind if they can be self-sustaining and can look after their own families etc.

I would say - go for it. He is not mooching. He is saving money. If he is a thoughtful person, he can buy you flowers or wine once in a while, even if he is not paying rent. Having successful sibs means that when your ILs need help later in life, this brother will be in a position to be helpful, instead of being a failure or a burden.

He is not an impovetished grad student, he makes six figures plus bonuses. Sorry, he is mooching, the question is whether to let it slide. To me “flowers once in a while “ dont cut it for feeding (grocery bill and cooking effort), cleaning and laundering after an adult guy. And there is no guarantee that he will be help with ILs - because hey, OP has family, household and all that adult stuff and he is just a “road warrior”.

Now, if he picks up the cleaning lady tab and reciprocates somehow, since his pockets are very heavy from saving tens of thousands on his own place, then we can talk about how its great to help each other as a family.

No consultant I have ever known with this arrangement has ever expected this. It's more like, can I bring some flowers, take the family out to lunch, buy and cook dinner, and use the washer and dryer? They are looking for a spot to land to do the mundane things they need to take care of, but they're not looking to you to provide it. Just the space to land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my thought on helping out relatives. You want to have successful siblings, nieces and nephews and ILs all around. Especially when supporting them is not costing you money (or too much money). Later in life, even if you never need help from your successful relatives ever, it is a great peace of mind if they can be self-sustaining and can look after their own families etc.

I would say - go for it. He is not mooching. He is saving money. If he is a thoughtful person, he can buy you flowers or wine once in a while, even if he is not paying rent. Having successful sibs means that when your ILs need help later in life, this brother will be in a position to be helpful, instead of being a failure or a burden.

He is not an impovetished grad student, he makes six figures plus bonuses. Sorry, he is mooching, the question is whether to let it slide. To me “flowers once in a while “ dont cut it for feeding (grocery bill and cooking effort), cleaning and laundering after an adult guy. And there is no guarantee that he will be help with ILs - because hey, OP has family, household and all that adult stuff and he is just a “road warrior”.

Now, if he picks up the cleaning lady tab and reciprocates somehow, since his pockets are very heavy from saving tens of thousands on his own place, then we can talk about how its great to help each other as a family.

No consultant I have ever known with this arrangement has ever expected this. It's more like, can I bring some flowers, take the family out to lunch, buy and cook dinner, and use the washer and dryer? They are looking for a spot to land to do the mundane things they need to take care of, but they're not looking to you to provide it. Just the space to land.

Adding to say, would be horrified if there were any impact in terms of finances or labor. I have never known a consultant who stays with someone and expects meals and for someone to wash their underwear. That's not the deal unless you're dealing with a truly clueless person. Which you should be able to see a mile away.

The low disturbance McKinsey consultant buying you dinner, doing their own laundry, and gifting you 10k in airline tickets is by far more typical in my experience.