Let 30-something "road warrior" / "up in the air" BIL live in our house few days at a time?

[Anonymous]

Yes, he is doing it to save money. I value my privacy and our house is not big, so I woukd not agree to this. If he is saving money, he can get a hotel room.

But, if you are fine with it, just make sure it is a tentative agreement - as in you will see how it goes but you have the right to say no at any time.

[Anonymous]

Based on what OP told us I would do it. The only caveat I would have is he can't do this forever, not because I don't want him in my house but because I don't think it's a good long term solution for him. He's in his mid 30s with an excellent income for a single man and really should have a place of his own for his emotional well-being and to just grow older in. I wonder why he sold his condo instead of renting it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes he is mooching, but it would be awesome if you to do this. I slept in my apartment 6-7 nights a month for most of my 20s and early 30s. Three times I “lived” in my corporate apartment for almost a year and didn’t have a 2nd home, just my parents address and a PO Box.

If you do this, I would ask that he get a storage unit for his “stuff” and use your place like a hotel / guest room. If he wants to leave stuff (more than a drawer of clothes and a bin of toiletries that can be stored in a cabinet, I’d charge him a modest “rent”.

What job has you on the road 25 out of 31 days per month for over a decade no less?

IT consulting - Accenture, Deloitte, IBM, Booz. Fly out Sunday night or Monday morning, fly home Thursday or Friday afternoon. Some weekends fly somewhere fun with your friends who all do the same thing and have more per diem money, hotel points and FF miles than they know what to do with.

I'm one of the PP's with this. It's consulting, not necessarily IT (financial services for me). I've been doing Sunday night to Saturday evening (6 day workweeks, woohoo!/, returning only to see my partner and maybe meet a friend for lunch, do my laundry, and unpack/repack. This won't be forever, but man, if I were a bit younger and didn't want to have somewhere to land I would REALLY appreciate a set up like OP could provide. I pay downtown DC rent and it's pretty obscene when you have this schedule.

Yeah, if you're around so infrequently you should move to Gaithersburg or something. Your stuff doesn't care if it has a fancy DC location.

I think it's actually the opposite. I'm around so infrequently right now I don't want to have to buy a car and wouldn't want to have everything I need scattered through a burb. I like that I can accomplish all of my tasks (pharmacy, dry cleaning, shoe repair, tons of restaurants, grocery store, etc.) without leaving a 2 block radius. Plus all of my friends live downtown and if I want a shot in hell of seeing them, I need to be able to zip around the city quickly to make the most of my time. I like that I am accessible to Union Station and also Reagan. Downtown makes sense trying to make the most of my time with a lot of time away.

Meh. If you want to make the most of your money you could use uber and save a ton of money living outside of central DC. But if you want to maximize time, that's a different story.

[Anonymous]

I am an introvert and a monthly houseguest, no matter how well-behaved, would wear me out.

Even if I were happier to have company, I would want to put the brakes on a year-long commitment, as he has asked for. What's his long-term plan? Where is his stuff? I'd want to know that, and I'd also make it clear that I'm not committing to the full year: "We can try it for a few months and see how it goes."

[Anonymous]

Given the situation you describe, OP, I would probably go for it. But, you need to have a clear picture of what it is, and many of the PPS are inaccurately describing the situation.

He is not a houseguest, he is living there. It's he permanent residence. He'll declare it as such, pay taxes in your state. Guests can leave quickly. He can't, because he has nowhere else to go immediately.

It will all likely be fine, but people behave differently when they are guests as opposed to how they behave at home. And your home is about to become his home.

The fact that he gave up his condo before bringing this up gives me a little pause. What is his plan if you said no? I suppose AirBnB for 6 days a month?

[Anonymous]

We did this for a friend from college for a year. She worked for McK and stayed with us 2ish weekends a month. I think she did so much living out of a suitcase that she was lonely and likes seeing her surrogate family a few nights a month. She moved in with her boyfriend at the end of the year and we sort of missed her actually! We wouldn’t let her pay for anything, because she really didn’t increase our costs much... Maybe the occasional $20-30 of booze/food and a very slightly higher utility bill? (She did offer though.) She also watched our kids a couple of times for the occasional date night for DH and I.

Anyway, the Christmas right before she moved out, she gifted us 4 any destination airplane tickets on her points. Saved us about $10K. Win-win!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would expect something in return. Why should it be only him saving money? I think a mortgage payment or two would be a fair thing for him to kick in. You might say it's family, don't charge each other money, but he is saving a shit ton of dollars by giving up his apt. Is he a grateful/generous person by nature?

[Anonymous]

Here is my thought on helping out relatives. You want to have successful siblings, nieces and nephews and ILs all around. Especially when supporting them is not costing you money (or too much money). Later in life, even if you never need help from your successful relatives ever, it is a great peace of mind if they can be self-sustaining and can look after their own families etc.

I would say - go for it. He is not mooching. He is saving money. If he is a thoughtful person, he can buy you flowers or wine once in a while, even if he is not paying rent. Having successful sibs means that when your ILs need help later in life, this brother will be in a position to be helpful, instead of being a failure or a burden.

[Anonymous]

If he's a good house guest, definitely.
It could be nice for the whole family.
Poor guy works too hard, is lonely, and probably craves the comfort of family.
Your kids will benefit from having another nice adult family member around occasionally.

Family is a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this for a friend from college for a year. She worked for McK and stayed with us 2ish weekends a month. I think she did so much living out of a suitcase that she was lonely and likes seeing her surrogate family a few nights a month. She moved in with her boyfriend at the end of the year and we sort of missed her actually! We wouldn’t let her pay for anything, because she really didn’t increase our costs much... Maybe the occasional $20-30 of booze/food and a very slightly higher utility bill? (She did offer though.) She also watched our kids a couple of times for the occasional date night for DH and I.

Anyway, the Christmas right before she moved out, she gifted us 4 any destination airplane tickets on her points. Saved us about $10K. Win-win!

I'm a consultant, and I have been on both sides of this equation. IF you're actually friends and enjoy each others company...sounds good! Polite people will not make this something where anyone feels taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on what OP told us I would do it. The only caveat I would have is he can't do this forever, not because I don't want him in my house but because I don't think it's a good long term solution for him. He's in his mid 30s with an excellent income for a single man and really should have a place of his own for his emotional well-being and to just grow older in. I wonder why he sold his condo instead of renting it out?

I agree and also wonder why he sold his place and wants to do this mid 30s. I'm the consultant PP with the downtown DC place and honestly, it saves my sanity. Even if I may be away a lot (and this varies. I can work from home for stretches), I relish having a place to return to that I LOVE. He, and I, can afford it so not sure why he would do this at this stage in life. The people I work with who do are usually young 20 somethings who are more down for the adventure aspect and for whom money is more of an issue. I'd still let him stay, but yes, he should want to get off that housing hamster wheel!

[Anonymous]

OP, in the long run it might be better for the relationship if you would reflect on what *would* make you feel that this was an even exchange. A gift card to your favorite restaurant? Some splurge, something that he could provide, to even things out. Maybe a gift card to Home Depot, reloaded with each visit! Something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my thought on helping out relatives. You want to have successful siblings, nieces and nephews and ILs all around. Especially when supporting them is not costing you money (or too much money). Later in life, even if you never need help from your successful relatives ever, it is a great peace of mind if they can be self-sustaining and can look after their own families etc.

I would say - go for it. He is not mooching. He is saving money. If he is a thoughtful person, he can buy you flowers or wine once in a while, even if he is not paying rent. Having successful sibs means that when your ILs need help later in life, this brother will be in a position to be helpful, instead of being a failure or a burden.

He is not an impovetished grad student, he makes six figures plus bonuses. Sorry, he is mooching, the question is whether to let it slide. To me “flowers once in a while “ dont cut it for feeding (grocery bill and cooking effort), cleaning and laundering after an adult guy. And there is no guarantee that he will be help with ILs - because hey, OP has family, household and all that adult stuff and he is just a “road warrior”.

Now, if he picks up the cleaning lady tab and reciprocates somehow, since his pockets are very heavy from saving tens of thousands on his own place, then we can talk about how its great to help each other as a family.

[Anonymous]

My brother did that with me. He's definitely not a neat freak, by any means, but honestly, I still enjoyed it. Think we're a bit closer now.

[Anonymous]

You say he is a neat freak. He is family so I'd be likely to say yes if his stays are not impactful. Also likely to say yes if he is hot and I enjoy his company. We had several room mates for years renting our basement apartment and I loved it- it was like having two husbands in all the best ways, as both were kind, funny, intelligent and neat. Always someone around to kill a spider or mansplain crap.

If he didn't pay for any meals/ate food without providing money toward it/was messy or was a dick I'd be more likely to say no.

It's cheap but if I liked him I wouldn't mind.