Cross class marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where did everyone meet their rich S/O..
Did that lead to a perfect set up for marriage?

School. Ivy that DH’s family has attended for generations. I am an immigrant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did owning a plane/helicopter become UMC?

PP with in-laws with plane. I'm not totally sure what to call them. Yea, I agree, plane and helicopter seem more than UMC. But I feel weird calling my in-laws actually wealthy/upper class because they just don't seem like "wealthy" people somehow. Like, they don't buy art... or like, go to fundraisers for politicans.... Also, fwiw, the helicopter was from a kit....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the Clintons and the Kennedy’s had/have lots of class. They are certainly not in the same category as the Kardashian’s, lol. No comment on the Trumps.

Bill Clinton shot his load onto an intern's dress. In the office of his employer. While married. And lied about it. That's real class.

[Anonymous]

Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, small minds talk about people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

This isn’t really a clash of classes thing. It’s just people from the same class who have different values and interests.

At the end of the day, values matter more than class.

[Anonymous]

It mattered the first time I was married. My husband grew up pretty low class and I did not. It became an issue when we had kids. I went to boarding school and wanted our son to go as well. It became a huge issue for us. My ex could not understand why I wanted to spend $50K on tuition. Things like that really got in the way. I knew my older son was not ready to go to college and wanted him to do a gap year and travel. Ex husband would have none of that. My son lasted a semester. I understand that even when you grow up in a lower class, you still know what to do, but it was a huge issue for us. I am now engaged to someone who also grew up in a lower class, but was a striver. He had something in him that made him want to be and do better. His kids did really well. While there are some things that I expose him to, it's not as bad and he is open. I also don't care as much since we aren't raising kids together. He is also great about attending all of the events, etc. that I have to go to. He's happy to be along for the ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife grew up in a family that had m money but limited education. I grew up in a family that values education and the pursuit of knowledge as the prime directive.

Our DD is following in my footsteps. She thinks her mom is incredibly lazy and shallow (SAHM to a HS student who does no cooking or cleaning).

There are constant conflicts about education vs. socializing. (FWIW, I make decent money, but not big-law money)

Hi cancer guy!

[Anonymous]

My wife was married to a man who was a name carrying member of a real, super deep foundation of America old money family (think Vanderbilt, Havermeyer, Rockefeller) . The grandparents have entire museums with their names on them, they had mansions that they hadn’t visited in years that were fully staffed; they could move mountains with a pen stroke.
My wife was the daughter of blue collar parents who sometimes had to choose which bills to pay because that month there wasn’t enough.
The older generations of the family were nothing but nice to her, they listened to her when she spoke and treated her like an equal- like family; the younger ones weren’t so kind, they occasionally treated her like a temporary guest. During her time with her ex she said she met some really good family members but she also met an inordinate number that made her naseasus to be around.

From her descriptions the ex husband was a dressed up trash can, amazing education, incredible advantages all wrapped up in a hollow man with zero grit and really flexible morals. Their marriage was short and she was granted an exit package that could’ve bought a few houses in McLean outright but she turned it all down choosing only to keep her Honda Accord.

Wealth certainly makes some things easier but character and happiness can’t be taught or bought, pay no attention to what you perceive as class, it makes no real difference as to the quality of your life.

Before you ask, I’m not from generational wealth; I own a filthy business and drive a pickup truck, I make decent money but nowhere close to what she had before getting together with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It mattered the first time I was married. My husband grew up pretty low class and I did not. It became an issue when we had kids. I went to boarding school and wanted our son to go as well. It became a huge issue for us. My ex could not understand why I wanted to spend $50K on tuition. Things like that really got in the way. I knew my older son was not ready to go to college and wanted him to do a gap year and travel. Ex husband would have none of that. My son lasted a semester. I understand that even when you grow up in a lower class, you still know what to do, but it was a huge issue for us. I am now engaged to someone who also grew up in a lower class, but was a striver. He had something in him that made him want to be and do better. His kids did really well. While there are some things that I expose him to, it's not as bad and he is open. I also don't care as much since we aren't raising kids together. He is also great about attending all of the events, etc. that I have to go to. He's happy to be along for the ride.

This sounds more like a parenting issue and it was your way or no way. A gap year is absurd. You either get a job and pay rent or go to college. If your son screwed up at school, het gets a job and can go to a local school till he can show he is mature enough to handle school. I wouldn't let mine take a gap year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did owning a plane/helicopter become UMC?

PP with in-laws with plane. I'm not totally sure what to call them. Yea, I agree, plane and helicopter seem more than UMC. But I feel weird calling my in-laws actually wealthy/upper class because they just don't seem like "wealthy" people somehow. Like, they don't buy art... or like, go to fundraisers for politicans.... Also, fwiw, the helicopter was from a kit....?

I mean I know wealthy AF people who don't even see art. Ever. They spend insane money on Nascar related experiences. Wealthy doesn't always look the same. That said, they aren't the Beverly hillbillies, they travel a lot etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did owning a plane/helicopter become UMC?

PP with in-laws with plane. I'm not totally sure what to call them. Yea, I agree, plane and helicopter seem more than UMC. But I feel weird calling my in-laws actually wealthy/upper class because they just don't seem like "wealthy" people somehow. Like, they don't buy art... or like, go to fundraisers for politicans.... Also, fwiw, the helicopter was from a kit....?

I mean I know wealthy AF people who don't even see art. Ever. They spend insane money on Nascar related experiences. Wealthy doesn't always look the same. That said, they aren't the Beverly hillbillies, they travel a lot etc

Funny you mention Beverly Hillbillies. Sometimes you don't find out a family is more Beverly Hillbilly than not, until you spend some time with them, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It mattered the first time I was married. My husband grew up pretty low class and I did not. It became an issue when we had kids. I went to boarding school and wanted our son to go as well. It became a huge issue for us. My ex could not understand why I wanted to spend $50K on tuition. Things like that really got in the way. I knew my older son was not ready to go to college and wanted him to do a gap year and travel. Ex husband would have none of that. My son lasted a semester. I understand that even when you grow up in a lower class, you still know what to do, but it was a huge issue for us. I am now engaged to someone who also grew up in a lower class, but was a striver. He had something in him that made him want to be and do better. His kids did really well. While there are some things that I expose him to, it's not as bad and he is open. I also don't care as much since we aren't raising kids together. He is also great about attending all of the events, etc. that I have to go to. He's happy to be along for the ride.

This sounds more like a parenting issue and it was your way or no way. A gap year is absurd. You either get a job and pay rent or go to college. If your son screwed up at school, het gets a job and can go to a local school till he can show he is mature enough to handle school. I wouldn't let mine take a gap year.

No parenting issue. My son has a very late birthday and was always the youngest in his class. Where I grew up, people took gap years and are very successful. You don't know anything. My son is in college.

[Anonymous]

Not married. I didn’t grow up wealthy but I enjoy dating guys who grew up financially comfortably. I find a lot of them have this relaxed approach to life and money that I think probably comes from just having a lot of it. It seems incredibly freeing.