How would you take this text? (Found in DH's phone)

[Anonymous]

He's gay

[Anonymous]

Divorce attorney ASAP

[Anonymous]

He’s having or had an affair.

I’d look at the phone records in the past and track how many times he’s sent her text messages or called her.

[Anonymous]

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
We tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

[Anonymous]

Is your DH a Penn State graduate? If so, likely the Ped State alumni association inviting him to the next movie night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm.... what else did he say? What a pussy.

He now has added that she was a really good friend (he's also friends with her ex husband) and that she is "struggling", so he offered to send her money.

He’s either a sucker for a sob story or keeping something from you. I’d gently ask for more information. You can just say it’s been stuck in your head because it’s a little confusing, could he explain a bit more. Keep your tone chill non confrontational.

[Anonymous]

OP,

this is concerning, but you don't know the extent of things.

1) have you ever heard of "this good friend" before?
2)how much money?
3) does he have other texts from her saved, etc?
4) check phone records, are they talking frequently

everyone has a right to privacy but this is a kind of relationship that is not appropriate to be kept private in the context of a marriage. I think you need to have a talk with DH about the extent of their relationship and whether he thinks its okay to keep it secret. Its quite possible that he knows he is skirting danger and doing something that is not cool, but it hasn't gone that far and you can nip it in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A contact saved with a pic of a young boy sent this?

No an unsaved number sent a photo of a young boy via text to my DH.

I did just ask him who the boy is and he said that he is the son of his friend from high school. I said "But the person texting is a woman?" And he said yes. I then asked why she said that it is nice that he thought a certain way about her and he just had a blank look on his face, so I walked out if the room.

Whoa. And the follow up with sending money?

I'd be pretty suspicious at this point, but I'd probably take the approach of saying you just need honesty and transparency and see what happens.

But I'd keep my radar up/eyes peeled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm.... what else did he say? What a pussy.

He now has added that she was a really good friend (he's also friends with her ex husband) and that she is "struggling", so he offered to send her money.

What a liar. Find that number, go through the phone bills. Try usphonebook.com or spydialer.com

[Anonymous]

secret second family

[Anonymous]

Did you talk to him about it, again? He shouldn't be sending anyone money without discussing it with you. Speaking with an unknown person in secrecy is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:secret second family

But why would a secret second wife or girlfriend give thanks for thinking of her like that or call him "my friend". These aren't consistent with being a lover or significant other as with a friendship that the other person didn't realize was as close as it is. At best an emotional affair, but not a physical one yet (operative word here).

But still too little information and too early to assume it is definitely an affair. Enough of a red flag that it should be tracked down with more info, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions yet. Not even with the lame responses from her husband. Again, yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:secret second family

But why would a secret second wife or girlfriend give thanks for thinking of her like that or call him "my friend". These aren't consistent with being a lover or significant other as with a friendship that the other person didn't realize was as close as it is. At best an emotional affair, but not a physical one yet (operative word here).

If he's sending money, that person has to realize there is something odd going on. I mean, geez, I have very close friends I've known since high school and we don't send each other money. Sounds to me like he's being played for a sucker.

[Anonymous]

There's no way it's about sending money. Read the text again:

I was thinking about what you said to me after we hung up, I'm so happy that you think of me that way. Thank you. Happy New Year my friend xo"

If your "friend" was lending or giving you money, you don't respond with "I'm happy you think of me THAT WAY" it means that he told her he thinks of her in some way - and very obviously in a sexual/flirty way. They are friends. They obviously talked on the phone and he obviously told her how he thinks of her. those are the facts.

The questions now become: how does he think of her? And why would that make her SO happy? My guess is that he told her something about how he can't stop thinking of her, that he really likes her, he can't stop thinking of kissing or sleeping with her. I bet she didn't respond right away. Probaably said "but you're married and we've been friends for XX years and I don't know how to respond to that." and the call ended.

Then - the text. She thought about it after they hung up and now she's SO HAPPY he thinks of her THAT way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm.... what else did he say? What a pussy.

He now has added that she was a really good friend (he's also friends with her ex husband) and that she is "struggling", so he offered to send her money.

Divorced mom here who has married men friends. I make sure that EVERY text or email I send is able to be viewed by wives with no red flags being raised. I find it disturbing if she asked/he offered money. The money in your marriage belongs to you BOTH and he should not be doing that without consulting you. It's a huge red flag.