I am resentful of women who got a leg up in life because of who they married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother’s best friend growing up in the 80s told everyone she was going to marry a rich guy. In college my mom was dating the son of a billionaire and my mom’s friend stole him from her — and married him! She’s a filthy rich alcoholic who blows money in an attempt to pretend to be busy. Whatever.

My mom went to dental school and met my dad. My dad’s practice is worth a few million bucks but nothing near the old bff’s lifestyle. My mom wouldn’t have it any other way.

Is that why she still talks about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me Too!

I wish I had done better marrying up also. Sadly I didn't really figure out the game until after I married my college BF. Now I know I should have played the game better. He doesn't have a super great job so if I divorce him the outcome will not be as good for me as it might be for some of my friends who have husbands that earn more.

You seem so calculating and predatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots if smug bitches here. Hopefully you don’t all have to work too hard to hold on to your meal tickets. I guess that your spouses didn’t value character when “choosing a mate.”

They’ll just get alimony and basically retire early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what I fear people think when they see me because I married a woman who is from a wealthy family. We met our sophomore year of college but didn't start dating until about halfway through our Junior year. We got engaged a few years after graduation and married a year and a half after that. My friends from back home often commented on how lucky I was to "bag a rich one" and how nice it must have been to have those connections. Insulting, IMO, because I never used any of her family connections to get a job or climb the ladder. I'm much more successful than she because she chose a different path after college and went into a public service type position. I worked hard to get into the same ivy league college as her, busted my butt in college, and started from the bottom and worked my way up after graduation, but most people attribute my success to the luck of marrying well.

If her family money went away tomorrow, she'd be left making around ~$115k/year while I'd be bringing home ~$400k/year.

And she's making a more positive impact on the world because of her family money freeing her up to do so. Good for her! So much better than just piling on the billions for the sake of another yacht.

[Anonymous]

If you were truly happy in your marriage, you wouldn’t feel this way. I don’t think your dissatisfaction is really about money.

[Anonymous]

This thread is depressing.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy just after college, and I would have been all set marry him and partaking of his family wealth. How damn boring! I see him now and his wife from time to time. She seems to be content playing housewife with no career of her own. I am happy for them, but I am anything but jealous.

What little my husband and I have, we built together. We’ve created our own little world that makes us happy. His paycheck may not knock anyone’s socks off but he does important work and is very skilled at his profession.

True happiness is found watering your own grass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH we were both making less than $20k per year. But it was clear he was smart, cute, fun, kind - all the things you look for in a husband. So I had a leg up because of that as it certainly wasn't his money. Lo and behold he goes on to be very successful. I too had a career that I loved. We live a very nice life and if people resent me because of who I married that's their problem.

+1 except I was making $21K and he was in school and waiting tables at night when we met 24 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I watch couples pair up it becomes evident how much of a difference who women marry makes a difference in their general life circumstances. Even successful career women when paired with equally successful men end up with twice the privilege and perks.

I’m jealous that I missed out.

Yes, this is true. And unfortunately it simply means life is not fair. I married a man who, through tremendous hard work and ambition, has provided us with a very comfortable life. I am fortunate in this regards. But I did fall in love with DH because he was ambitious and hard working and that was a big part of the attraction to him. I could have fallen in love with kind hearted environmentalist who would never make more than 40k a year but I chose not to.....

LOL, you almost pulled it off until you added that last line.

Anyway OP, think of it this way: most or the women who put up with jerks to marry rich were probably chosen by hir husbands because they looked good in their 20s. Those women will be traded in for the newer (younger) model in a few years. Doesn't sound so glamorous then.

I am the poster who wrote the message you responded to.

I don't want to give off the impression I cruelly broke a man's heart because he didn't make enough money. But when I was dating did I weed out prospective dates based on occupation? Yes. Truthfully, the answer is yes. It is difficult to speak frankly about this without coming across as materialistic because that is the wrong way of looking at it. It was important to me to be with someone who shared common values and expectations with me. I would not have been a good wife to a man making only 40k a year, I would not have been happy in that marriage, so it goes both ways. I expected to be working hard and to build a good life and it was important to me to be with someone who was an equal partner in that.

That's not to say my benchmark was set so high that only C level men were suitable DH and I met in business school and when we married he had no money. Actually, he was in negative equity when you consider his loans. I had more money than he did as I graduated debt free.

Justifying your materialism by saying that you wouldn't be a good wife to someone who wasn't going to be wealthy doesn't make it seem any better. You would be more honest to say that wealth is a value, and you wanted to marry someone else who valued wealth.

I also married someone with a high income, from a wealthy family/background. I do not value wealth per se, although I do value economic stability. This actually does cause some tension between DH and I, although after 10 years together, we have mostly worked it out.

I will say that while I make a good income myself, my DH's income and his family's wealth have made big difference in our financial situation, which eases our daily life. I do see how much more we have than my friends who did not marry someone with a high income. But I believe that my friends are just as happy and fulfilled as I am, so in the end I doubt that it makes that much difference as long as you are financially secure.

I think the post is honest enough. We attribute negative meanings to the term materialism but we are all materialistic to a degree that it'd be dishonest to pretend that it doesn't have a role. We get plenty of threads on here from women frustrated that their spouses haven't lived up to potential and finances was a big part of the frustration. And let's also be honest about attraction as well. I look around my cohort of classmates from my college and the girls I knew when growing up in a comfortable upper middle class world. Most have to some degree married "well" in the sense that they have gone on to have comfortable enough lives with husbands who are productive enough. It's rare to have married down. How many Harvard graduates are marrying policemen or firemen? How many doctors marry Starbucks managers? Don't give me the exceptions and pretend it means something, for we know they really don't, as a rule. Even the working class boy marrying a rich girl isn't an exception, because in those cases the working class boy has become successful in his own right.

I remember years ago as a teenager overhearing two older women having a conversation about love and how there's really no such thing as the one true love and how you can easily love many different men because it's all about compatibility first and then going from there. I was reading Jane Austen at the same time and realized that for all the declarations of only marrying someone they loved, none of her heroines were falling in love with farmhands or servants. And there's truth to it. The brain is a fascinating thing and I think for many women the brain picks up cues along the way in its development as they grow up that helps define compatibility and what to look for in loving someone else (that spark of interest does not come out of nowhere) and seek out certain traits in prospective mates and that's why you keep finding certain types of women always seeming to end up well in marriages. And cultural influences reinforces it as well. Like marries like is very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is what a marriage is about, OP. That's why there were arranged marriages throughout history. It's the best example of what teamwork can look like.

Because make no mistake about it: it works both ways. Men benefit too. In fact I read of a study that showed men lived longer lives when they lived most of it with a spouse, then if they lived alone.

Why is Ralph Nader so old and energetic still?

Never married doesn’t have any kids.

I think those studies need to be controlled for SES.

If you are active, have a large social network, and feel like you are contributing to society in a substantial way - I don’t think the spousal benefit matters much.

[Anonymous]

I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their rich parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their rich parents.

I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their stunning good looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their rich parents.

I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their stunning good looks.

I am resentful of women who have an easy life because they have perfect, healthy, high achieving and good looking children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their rich parents.

I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their stunning good looks.

I am resentful of women who have an easy life because they have perfect, healthy, high achieving and good looking children.

I am resentful of women who have a great metabolism, good genes and have never had a weight issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their rich parents.

I am resentful of women who get a leg up in life because of their stunning good looks.

I am resentful of women who have an easy life because they have perfect, healthy, high achieving and good looking children.

I am resentful of women who have a great metabolism, good genes and have never had a weight issue.

Dear god. What a crappy life ya'll live.