Concern over person’s anger at petty stuff even if legit reason to be angry in life generally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy has been gone for 2 hours and your cousin is soliciting people to help her look for him? Why? Why would anyone look for him? Why did anyone coerce him into working on MIL’s house? Your family sounds needy and controlling, I don’t blame him for being aggravated.

Cousin sounds seriously co-dependent. Why is she looking for someone after not having come back for 2 hours?

I think she knew that the family had crossed a line with her boyfriend and was concerned that he may not come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said he grew up in a dysfunctional household, and was taken advantage of as a young adult, and you’re surprised he doesn’t act the way your happy family members act? He’s used to being used, and then you ask him to spend hours on his day off helping fix up the house and at the end he’s offered a beer for his troubles. Is it possible he thought there might be some type of actual payment? I get how YOUR family looks at this; my family would be the same. But he did not grow up in the kind of environment where people help each other out of the goodness of their hearts. Yes, he acted very immature, but he’s had no role models his whole life. And on a day when maybe he could have experienced some, you say they were on him about what he was or wasn’t doing, how he was doing it wrong, etc. I suspect multiple things - he IS immature because he had no mature adults showing him the way, and he is self-conscious about what he doesn’t know and the “men” didn’t help matters. And when he got angry he drive around to blow off steam before heading home to a fiancé and baby. Not so much anger management issues as it is you guys not feeling he has any right to be angry period.

+100

[Anonymous]

I'm more annoyed than surprised at how many people suggest this is too much drama and to cut people off. This is what is wrong with America. No compassion. No community. Everyone to themselves. I think you and your husband have an opportunity to possibly inconvenience yourselves and help this "drama" filled couple tone it down, find some ground, maybe find some proper help eventually. But if everyone shuts them down, you cannot expect improvement. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for always down on his luck Ben.

[Anonymous]

I'm also surprised by how many people think that there was something weird about the family pitching in to help. Would I have wanted to do any of this? No. But this is what my in laws are like and is what expected in their family. They are all there for one another and help each other out - it's what family means to them. I come from a different family culture and I can't say I'm always comfortable with them, but I think what they do for each other is pretty special. And I don't think that cursing and acting resentful of it is what adults do. He could have stood up and said he wouldn't participate, which may not have been the familial thing to do but at least would have been the more mature way to handle it. Hopefully he will learn in time with better role models.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole set up is strange to me. The “men” all have to “volunteer” to “winterize” an able bodied 55 year old’s house? Why is this a men only job? Why did this 23 year old need to be roped into it too if he wasn’t interested? Why can’t this 55 year old do/at least help out with her own shit? (I seriously assumed she was 80 based on the initial post; that I would understand at least.)

Now, obviously, fiance didn’t behave in the most mature fashion, but I’m guessing he was rightfully annoyed and there is a ton of backstory here.

+100