I just looked it my daughter's social media accounts...

[Anonymous]

Wonderful update OP. Sounds like a great approach. It was good you posted because hopefully more people who aren't will check on their kid's social media. I don't assume anything about your home. Kids do shocking things regardless of background. Better that it happen now than in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous

My daughter isn’t that age yet, but in addition to what others posted, I would tell her calmly that you are making a doctor’s appointment so she can get on birth control and to discuss std’s with a medical professional. Personally, I have a female gynecologist that I trust would be honest but gentle with her. Even if she’s just bluffing about wanting to have sex, now is a good time to talk about it.
I would also talk about the emotional part of sex and the value of having sex with someone you trust.

This is horrible advice! Why are you posting here when you don't even have a DD this age?

I am another poster who DOES have a poster that age, and I don't think it's horrible advice. If someone is planning to have sex, getting birth control is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you go to church? Kids that don't do to church fall through the cracks more than those that do. The soul needs to know that it is valuable and loved by God even more than the earth. Secular strategies and parenting strategies are good but not as effective in the deepest areas of the soul. Kids and adults will fill the hole in their soul with something else if left empty of God. They will often fill it with sex, alchohol and drugs also sometimes other addictions like working out body worship, accumulation of money and possessions etc. When the soul has God the life is more peaceful and less chaotic.

If only this were true and life were that easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a reasonable approach. I've seen where parents overreact and the result is the kid becomes sneakier. You want to keep communication open, so she's not scared to talk to you. Also making the punishment about dangerous online behavior and restricting accounts is appropriate and fits the crime. You are not punishing her thoughts and feelings about sex and you are not cutting her completely off from her friends.

I admire you for approaching it calmly, taking the time to think about it and not reacting harshly immediately.

x100000

SO TRUE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thank you for all of your responses. I appreciate the opinions and guidance, and a combination of that - and the hours between last night and now are perhaps what allowed me to keep my cool and not freak out on my DD.

Here's where we are now:

We spoke with DD earlier today and basically said that we took a look at her social media accounts and saw some alarming language and behaviors. I said we'll get into more details later this evening (when the younger siblings are fast asleep), but we thought she needed to be in the loop about the changes happening immediately.

That includes a 100% elimination of all social media and limited phone use. The latter will likely happen this weekend by way of a phone downgrade to a flip phone, as opposed to the smartphone she has now.

We explained that although it probably feels like a punishment, it is more so a way that we can help her to understand that her online behavior is extremely reckless and that shows that she is not ready to be a part of social media - not yet.

We'll follow up more tonight with her, and get into the deeper discussions about sexual behavior (and its repercussions), healthy relationships, appropriate behaviors, online discussions, and everything else that is related to this situation.

Of course, this isn't a one and done. In addition to the ongoing conversations with us, she'll also be speaking with some other trusted adults about these same subjects.

To the readers here and previous posters, please feel free to keep this discussion going. I can't begin to explain how much hearing from you helped me.

FYI: We are a happy, healthy family. My husband and I have a healthy relationship and from the outside, you would NEVER KNOW we have a child behaving like this. We are college educated, hard workers, and very involved in our children's lives.

I say all this to say that this can happen to even the most active, seemingly "perfect" families. If you don't already, please please please have full transparency with your kids and their devices and social media. I'm so glad I did. And while I have no idea how things will unfold from here, just can't imagine if I didn't check in on her online activities.

Any further feedback is greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Such an interesting discussion with good advice. Not the OP, but my kids will be if that age soon and i’m Glad to read this thread.

[Anonymous]

My son got a smart phone in December, but doesn't use it for social media. He uses it to watch YouTube and listen to music, play games, etc. If he wants to communicate with someone he actually calls them!

He is 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thank you for all of your responses. I appreciate the opinions and guidance, and a combination of that - and the hours between last night and now are perhaps what allowed me to keep my cool and not freak out on my DD.

Here's where we are now:

We spoke with DD earlier today and basically said that we took a look at her social media accounts and saw some alarming language and behaviors. I said we'll get into more details later this evening (when the younger siblings are fast asleep), but we thought she needed to be in the loop about the changes happening immediately.

That includes a 100% elimination of all social media and limited phone use. The latter will likely happen this weekend by way of a phone downgrade to a flip phone, as opposed to the smartphone she has now.

We explained that although it probably feels like a punishment, it is more so a way that we can help her to understand that her online behavior is extremely reckless and that shows that she is not ready to be a part of social media - not yet.

We'll follow up more tonight with her, and get into the deeper discussions about sexual behavior (and its repercussions), healthy relationships, appropriate behaviors, online discussions, and everything else that is related to this situation.

Of course, this isn't a one and done. In addition to the ongoing conversations with us, she'll also be speaking with some other trusted adults about these same subjects.

To the readers here and previous posters, please feel free to keep this discussion going. I can't begin to explain how much hearing from you helped me.

FYI: We are a happy, healthy family. My husband and I have a healthy relationship and from the outside, you would NEVER KNOW we have a child behaving like this. We are college educated, hard workers, and very involved in our children's lives.

I say all this to say that this can happen to even the most active, seemingly "perfect" families. If you don't already, please please please have full transparency with your kids and their devices and social media. I'm so glad I did. And while I have no idea how things will unfold from here, just can't imagine if I didn't check in on her online activities.

Any further feedback is greatly appreciated.

OP: Ignore the eyerolls from PP. I think most of us know you weren't bragging by saying 'college educated' ---- but rather making the point that what may be deemed as status by some (especially in this area) doesn't make a difference when it comes to the decisions our kids make. Hats off to you for how you've handled this. DD is a lucky gal.

[Anonymous]

Mom, you did good!

[Anonymous]

Just a thought, advise her that at this age, you probably aren't the only parent monitoring, which means her friend's parents may see her activity. How will she feel about Larla's mom and dad knowing the personal things she posted? Teens are by nature self-absorbed - they don't think about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got a smart phone in December, but doesn't use it for social media. He uses it to watch YouTube and listen to music, play games, etc. If he wants to communicate with someone he actually calls them!

He is 16.

If you say so.

Op, you've done well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a thought, advise her that at this age, you probably aren't the only parent monitoring, which means her friend's parents may see her activity. How will she feel about Larla's mom and dad knowing the personal things she posted? Teens are by nature self-absorbed - they don't think about this.

This is a great point.

[Anonymous]

OP thank you so much for posting. I think you are handling it well - as best you can. I am learning alot from this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update, OP. I also have a 14 year old daughter and am very grateful she is a tiny granny in a 14 year old body and has no interest in Snapchat or Instagram. But, her younger sister is counting down the days to Instagram and youtube (I'm nixing Snapchat for anyone), so this is very helpful. Sounds like you all have a good relationship which should help. I do agree w/ the previous poster that faith can help here (part of why my eldest is a bit of a prude), but nothing is a cure-all. Best of luck going forward.

I have an equivalent 14yo son. He got an iPhone in 7th grade and immediately asked for Snapchat. I agreed, with huge trepidation. Two days after he got it, he deleted it. Same with Instagram. Wouldn't explain why, but by the way he reacted whatever was happening there was disturbing. I check his texts regularly and he has come to me on the rare occasion when it was warranted (twice now he has had friends make suicide threats via text.) His younger brother will no doubt be a whole other story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to give OP a virtual hug and thank her for sharing. I check my 10 year olds emails etc every single night and this post reassures me that I’m doing the right thing.
I was sexually active at 15 and looking back I wish my parents had been more aware of what was going on.

Genuine question: who is your 10-year-old emailing?

Mostly her cousins who live out of state and her girl friends who go to different schools. She is also starting to organize her own social stuff like meeting up at the playground or bike riding.

A lot of the emails are about making slime