Ma’am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Fascinating.

So are words like "thank you" and "please" equally superfluous in a "polite conversation", as you'd call it?

We're obviously from very different places, and northern culture absolutely mystifies me sometimes for its complete lack of civility. Buy y'all don't even realize you're doing it.... bless your hearts.

I think it's polite to call people what they want to be called. Many people don't like to be called ma'am. Doesn't really matter why.

And many women don't mind it at all. I'm not going to ask first. It's entirely said out of respect and kindness.

I think it's fine to assume Ma'am is ok. I personally hate it and I asked the guard at my job to stop using it. He argued with me. I introduced myself and told him that he's welcome to use my name. I also said it's fine if he can't remember my name but he could just say have a nice day or even nothing at all. He argued and argued that he was being respectful by calling me something I don't like. Not the first time I've encountered this type of thing.

That poor man was probably instructed by his employer to refer to people as ma’am or sir. Or his own mother and grandmother.

Talk about privilege. Smacking down people because of your precious sensibilities instead of thinking about other people.

You do not have the moral high ground here. Let it go. It’s not important.

We had a perfectly pleasant conversation. No, it is not required to say "Have a good day, ma'am". You can just say Have a good day. There is no way our employer instructed him to say Ma'am. It's not necessary at all! Who are you to tell me what to let go? Address people how they prefer to be addressed. Why is that so hard for you? Who are you to insist what to call someone else?

Because you are not important. Life is not about you.

All social interactions are, at their basic, about two people. Terms like Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or ma'am or madam or sir are old and widely used and widely accepted terms of respectful honorifics for other people to be used when meeting each other and to show respect for each other. We may live in a more casual time today but it does't relegate these honorifics bad or wrong. When you criticize or judge someone for using a simple honorific that detonates politeness, you are telling that person that you are more important than him or her. But you are not. It's not about you. It's about being polite in public.

[Anonymous]

DH is military. I’ve told his guys they don’t need to Ma’am me, I am not their boss. Everyone of them said “Yes, ma’am! Sure thing!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

Same thing with addressing to "Mrs John Smith" but everyone reallly hated that and thinks it's outdated. So, which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it exasperating?

Because it tells they don’t do the minimal effort to call you by your name. It shows disrespect.

It is a respectful way to address a woman who looks middle aged or older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

Same thing with addressing to "Mrs John Smith" but everyone reallly hated that and thinks it's outdated. So, which is it?

You are clutching it. Mrs “John” Smith hasn’t been widely used since before WWII. What changed was that Mrs. John Smith became Mrs. Jane Smith and now Ms. Jane Smith or plain Ms. Smith. I saw this in old church and community cookbooks from the 1950s. The “old” women of the time retained the Mrs John while their daughters had become Mrs. Jane, in the same cookbook! The change was because Mrs. John was based on your husband, while the Mrs. Jane or Ms. Jane is based on you. Which is fair enough.

There is nothing wrong with honorifics. Ma’am and Sir are not bad words and only denote respect and politeness. Making a big deal out of it is weird and rather selfish. Getting upset because someone is being polite to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

I believe that people who have a problem with ma'am secretly think they look so much younger than their age.. like that PP who insists that 'miss' and 'young lady' is better than 'ma'am'.
In reality, they look in full accordance with their biological age but, for some reason, can't accept it.

Remember the thread on whether 64 is old? Well, it is, and a 64-year-old woman is definitely a 'ma'am', not a 'young lady'.

Haha, this!

I always think of the scene from "Absolutely Fabulous" where Patsy is called "Madame" and she starts shrieking "Mademoiselle! Mademoiselle!"

[Anonymous]

I moved to this country when I was 26, and at that time a couple of people called me Ma'am. I definitely didn't look middle aged and hated it, but it helped me realize that people who say that don't always choose it based on the person's age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it exasperating?

Because it tells they don’t do the minimal effort to call you by your name. It shows disrespect.

It is a respectful way to address a woman who looks middle aged or older.

No, it is a polite address for any adult woman. It has nothing to do with middle age. If you're over 18, it is perfectly appropriate to be addressed politely as Ma'am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

I believe that people who have a problem with ma'am secretly think they look so much younger than their age.. like that PP who insists that 'miss' and 'young lady' is better than 'ma'am'.
In reality, they look in full accordance with their biological age but, for some reason, can't accept it.

Remember the thread on whether 64 is old? Well, it is, and a 64-year-old woman is definitely a 'ma'am', not a 'young lady'.

Haha, this!

I always think of the scene from "Absolutely Fabulous" where Patsy is called "Madame" and she starts shrieking "Mademoiselle! Mademoiselle!"

Madamoiselle is perfect, let’s switch to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved to this country when I was 26, and at that time a couple of people called me Ma'am. I definitely didn't look middle aged and hated it, but it helped me realize that people who say that don't always choose it based on the person's age.

Some people just use it reflexively. The first time I was called ma'am I was picking up an official transcript at my university to apply to grad schools. The guy behind the desk, probably a freshman or sophomore, kept referring to me as ma'am and I thought it was odd since I was 22, but recognized he thought it was polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

Same thing with addressing to "Mrs John Smith" but everyone reallly hated that and thinks it's outdated. So, which is it?

You are clutching it. Mrs “John” Smith hasn’t been widely used since before WWII. What changed was that Mrs. John Smith became Mrs. Jane Smith and now Ms. Jane Smith or plain Ms. Smith. I saw this in old church and community cookbooks from the 1950s. The “old” women of the time retained the Mrs John while their daughters had become Mrs. Jane, in the same cookbook! The change was because Mrs. John was based on your husband, while the Mrs. Jane or Ms. Jane is based on you. Which is fair enough.

There is nothing wrong with honorifics. Ma’am and Sir are not bad words and only denote respect and politeness. Making a big deal out of it is weird and rather selfish. Getting upset because someone is being polite to you?

These don't bother me the same way Mrs John Smith doesn't bother me. See how that works? You are selfish to be bothered by Mrs John Smith. They are only being polite! So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is sort of exasperating when a person who knows you calls you “ma’am”. Does it happen to you frequently?

It is polite. Too bad you were never taught manners. Also, in stores and restaurants employees are instructed to call men "sir" and women "Ma'am," because it shows respect.

She isn't talking about stores and restaurants--she is talking about people she knows.

Then, hopefully, one will tell her, "Ma',am, go eff yourself"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

I believe that people who have a problem with ma'am secretly think they look so much younger than their age.. like that PP who insists that 'miss' and 'young lady' is better than 'ma'am'.
In reality, they look in full accordance with their biological age but, for some reason, can't accept it.

Remember the thread on whether 64 is old? Well, it is, and a 64-year-old woman is definitely a 'ma'am', not a 'young lady'.

Haha, this!

I always think of the scene from "Absolutely Fabulous" where Patsy is called "Madame" and she starts shrieking "Mademoiselle! Mademoiselle!"

Madamoiselle is perfect, let’s switch to that.

No, because that would be just as sad as complaining about "Ma'am" is.

[Anonymous]

Meh. I don't like it. I only use it when trying to get someone's attention ("ma'am, you dropped your pen"). Otherwise a smile and a polite "thank you" or "good morning" or whatever is fine.

[Anonymous]

I'm 45 and use ma'am and sir when out in public and use it as a sincere form of respect and gratitude.

I say, "thank you very much, sir!" to the helpful and kind cashier, or a friendly, "Good Morning, Ma'am" to the pharmacy clerk.

I make no apologies for my polite style and good manners.

By the way, I'm a new substitute teacher. I'm (maybe too easily) impressed by the very few boys (and it's only ever boys) who almost reflexively call me ma'am in the classroom.
You can tell this is how they are raised - just instinctively polite and respectful. Any coincidence that they are usually my most engaged and top students?