Ma’am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate 'ma'am. Nothing makes me feel older. I don't need you to know my name, though.

Where I grew up, you called all women ma'am, from your great grandmother all the way down to the 14 year old girl selling shaved ice at the pool. Age has nothing to do with it. It's a bestowing of respect, like "sir".

In my experience younger women are not called Ma'am. They are called "Miss". Sometimes "young lady".

"Miss" sounds patronizing and dismissive. As does "young lady".

"Ma'am" conveys respect and equality.

Agreed.

+1
I don't mind being called "ma'am" and I will call another woman of any age "ma'am" but being called "miss" drives me absolutely batshit crazy. It's condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, what is wrong with ma’am?

It’s a polite honorific. Why are you making a big deal out of it?

If you have a problem with it then it says more about you than the word.

I believe that people who have a problem with ma'am secretly think they look so much younger than their age.. like that PP who insists that 'miss' and 'young lady' is better than 'ma'am'.
In reality, they look in full accordance with their biological age but, for some reason, can't accept it.

Remember the thread on whether 64 is old? Well, it is, and a 64-year-old woman is definitely a 'ma'am', not a 'young lady'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Fascinating.

So are words like "thank you" and "please" equally superfluous in a "polite conversation", as you'd call it?

We're obviously from very different places, and northern culture absolutely mystifies me sometimes for its complete lack of civility. Buy y'all don't even realize you're doing it.... bless your hearts.

I think it's polite to call people what they want to be called. Many people don't like to be called ma'am. Doesn't really matter why.

And many women don't mind it at all. I'm not going to ask first. It's entirely said out of respect and kindness.

I think it's fine to assume Ma'am is ok. I personally hate it and I asked the guard at my job to stop using it. He argued with me. I introduced myself and told him that he's welcome to use my name. I also said it's fine if he can't remember my name but he could just say have a nice day or even nothing at all. He argued and argued that he was being respectful by calling me something I don't like. Not the first time I've encountered this type of thing.

That poor man was probably instructed by his employer to refer to people as ma’am or sir. Or his own mother and grandmother.

Talk about privilege. Smacking down people because of your precious sensibilities instead of thinking about other people.

You do not have the moral high ground here. Let it go. It’s not important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Fascinating.

So are words like "thank you" and "please" equally superfluous in a "polite conversation", as you'd call it?

We're obviously from very different places, and northern culture absolutely mystifies me sometimes for its complete lack of civility. Buy y'all don't even realize you're doing it.... bless your hearts.

I think it's polite to call people what they want to be called. Many people don't like to be called ma'am. Doesn't really matter why.

And many women don't mind it at all. I'm not going to ask first. It's entirely said out of respect and kindness.

I think it's fine to assume Ma'am is ok. I personally hate it and I asked the guard at my job to stop using it. He argued with me. I introduced myself and told him that he's welcome to use my name. I also said it's fine if he can't remember my name but he could just say have a nice day or even nothing at all. He argued and argued that he was being respectful by calling me something I don't like. Not the first time I've encountered this type of thing.

That poor man was probably instructed by his employer to refer to people as ma’am or sir. Or his own mother and grandmother.

Talk about privilege. Smacking down people because of your precious sensibilities instead of thinking about other people.

You do not have the moral high ground here. Let it go. It’s not important.

We had a perfectly pleasant conversation. No, it is not required to say "Have a good day, ma'am". You can just say Have a good day. There is no way our employer instructed him to say Ma'am. It's not necessary at all! Who are you to tell me what to let go? Address people how they prefer to be addressed. Why is that so hard for you? Who are you to insist what to call someone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is sort of exasperating when a person who knows you calls you “ma’am”. Does it happen to you frequently?

It is polite. Too bad you were never taught manners. Also, in stores and restaurants employees are instructed to call men "sir" and women "Ma'am," because it shows respect.

She isn't talking about stores and restaurants--she is talking about people she knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We had a perfectly pleasant conversation. No, it is not required to say "Have a good day, ma'am". You can just say Have a good day. There is no way our employer instructed him to say Ma'am. It's not necessary at all! Who are you to tell me what to let go? Address people how they prefer to be addressed. Why is that so hard for you? Who are you to insist what to call someone else?

I'm imagining the following conversation, which seems to me of questionable pleasantness:

Building security guard: Good morning, ma'am.
You: Please don't call me ma'am. My name is Larla Smith. It's fine if you can't remember my name but you could just say have a nice day or even nothing at all.
Building security guard: It's polite to use ma'am.
You: No, it's not.

I mean, I guess that you get to speak up about whatever you want to speak up about. I sure wouldn't have picked this issue as the one to speak up about, though. Sometimes building guards tell me to have a blessed day, which bugs me because I'm not religious, but I haven't said anything because they mean well and it really. doesn't. matter. It's not all about me, and they are not saying it AT me.

[Anonymous]

How's this one for you. I (a woman) was once called Sir at a Starbucks in my mid-20's. I had long hair and looked decidedly female.

[Anonymous]

I don't mind being called "ma'am" and I will call another woman of any age "ma'am" but being called "miss" drives me absolutely batshit crazy. It's condescending.



Totally agree!!

[Anonymous]

I prefer to be called ma'am. I'm very young looking for my age and really dislike people like security guards 10 years my junior calling me "young lady." I'm nearly 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Fascinating.

So are words like "thank you" and "please" equally superfluous in a "polite conversation", as you'd call it?

We're obviously from very different places, and northern culture absolutely mystifies me sometimes for its complete lack of civility. Buy y'all don't even realize you're doing it.... bless your hearts.

I think it's polite to call people what they want to be called. Many people don't like to be called ma'am. Doesn't really matter why.

And many women don't mind it at all. I'm not going to ask first. It's entirely said out of respect and kindness.

I think it's fine to assume Ma'am is ok. I personally hate it and I asked the guard at my job to stop using it. He argued with me. I introduced myself and told him that he's welcome to use my name. I also said it's fine if he can't remember my name but he could just say have a nice day or even nothing at all. He argued and argued that he was being respectful by calling me something I don't like. Not the first time I've encountered this type of thing.

That poor man was probably instructed by his employer to refer to people as ma’am or sir. Or his own mother and grandmother.

Talk about privilege. Smacking down people because of your precious sensibilities instead of thinking about other people.

You do not have the moral high ground here. Let it go. It’s not important.

I agree with you. That PP has absolutely no grace.

[Anonymous]

I've been called that maybe ten times in my 40 years. And I think I'm rounding up. From five. But I have never lived in the South.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it exasperating?

Because it tells they don’t do the minimal effort to call you by your name. It shows disrespect.

This is the first time I've ever heard that "ma'am" shows disrespect.

I only use it to show disrespect. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it exasperating?

Because it tells they don’t do the minimal effort to call you by your name. It shows disrespect.

This is the first time I've ever heard that "ma'am" shows disrespect.

I only use it to show disrespect. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

But probably most people don't perceive it that way. So if you want people to know that you're disrespecting them, you should use a different word.

[Anonymous]

I am almost fifty, but HATE how this sounds.

It’s just a tangible reminder of how old a twenty-year old kid views me now.

Lol.
I personally prefer to be addressed “Miss.”

[Anonymous]

I'm 47 and I'm finally used to people calling me ma'am. But recently more and more men are addressing me as "young lady," which I interpret as meaning "you look REALLY old."

However, the worst was yesterday at Harris Teeter when the cashier rang me up and said to me, "I'm not going to give you the senior discount because that's for people over 60 and you're nowhere near that, ha ha!" He said it like he thought I was probably 59 1/2 and was trying to give a compliment.

99% of the time these awkward interactions occur with men.