Do normal parents check college child's grades...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a FERPA violation to investigate your college kid's grades.

Um, no. FERPA provides for student control of the disclosure of information. Mommy and Daddy can't just call the registrar and ask for a copy of their kid's grades, but the university portals that everyone is talking about DO allow the student to authorize a parent to access some or all of the student's records.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this snobbery, about being a laid back parent who wouldn't dream of checking on their kid's grades is really annoying. Truth is for the most part, the extent to whether parents are intensive or laid back about monitoring grades really depends on the grades. I have two daughters in high school. With the oldest I rarely ever look at her grades on parent portal. There's no reason to, she's never made a final grade below an A. With my younger ADHD daughter, I monitor her grades like a hawk. I'm pretty nervous about how she is going to handle college and I'm sure during that first year, I will be checking on her grades quite a bit. If she does well, then yeah I'll back off. Those of you who don't bother checking on your college student's grades probably have good reason to feel confident that your kid is making grades that you would consider acceptable, if you thought otherwise you would be checking as well.

What exactly do you plan to do if you pull up your freshman student's grades and see that they got a 55% on their Intro to Business midterm?

I think that by the time they are away at school that stuff is going to be out of your hands. She is either studying or not studying. She is either showing up to class and doing her homework or she is not showing up to class and doing her homework. She is either passing her classes or she's not.

You can't do it for them. Knowing about every little grade that they get is not necessary, it doesn't help and you won't be able to change a thing about it.

She is either going to have to put her nose to the grindstone, go to her guidance counselor and change her course of study or come home after she flunks out and attend community college for awhile or get a job.

Agree. You need to let these kids fail, because with all this hovering they'll never learn the valuable lessons that failure brings.

I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

Agree, but you should be letting kids get more independent and allow them mistakes long before college, and even high school. I see so many parents decide sports, talk to teachers, try to fix friendships FOR their kids. . Heck, our district now has a portal to track grades. I mean come on already. No wonder so many are labeled with disabilities. One month of daydreaming or struggling with a skill and the kid is medicated and tracked like a hawk. Kids make mistakes. A TON of them. Kids need to find themselves and their passions. No need to micromanage them. They need to learn to figure most out on their own BEFORE going off to college, while you are there if they need you. No different than a permit vs a license. They need to drive on the permit, with you there to guide them. More in the beginning and a lot less in the end. Once they have their license and go off they are ready. Would you let a teen get a license without practicing and put them right in rush hour traffic. That is what many parents do with collage.

[Anonymous]

I have a college junior whom I base his monthly alliwance on his grades. NEVER thought I’d do this but average kid (prob would not be in college in my era) who is super motivated by money. He has to show me end of term grades
on the portal. Other college kid I just ask how he s doing to make sure he graduates in 4 years.

[Anonymous]

I think the valorizing of some posters on how independent they let their kids be rings a bit off.

I'm putting 40k year of my investments in college each year, grades are a piece of evidence on how things are going. I wouldn't invest 160k in anything and not do some basic due diligence. Future employers are going to monitor your kids' work. Sure they are adults--I'm not going to be checking the portal assignment by assignment, and I wouldn't go behind their backs to "check," but not checking in on grades seems to be giving them a faux sense of independence rather than a real sense of accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this snobbery, about being a laid back parent who wouldn't dream of checking on their kid's grades is really annoying. Truth is for the most part, the extent to whether parents are intensive or laid back about monitoring grades really depends on the grades. I have two daughters in high school. With the oldest I rarely ever look at her grades on parent portal. There's no reason to, she's never made a final grade below an A. With my younger ADHD daughter, I monitor her grades like a hawk. I'm pretty nervous about how she is going to handle college and I'm sure during that first year, I will be checking on her grades quite a bit. If she does well, then yeah I'll back off. Those of you who don't bother checking on your college student's grades probably have good reason to feel confident that your kid is making grades that you would consider acceptable, if you thought otherwise you would be checking as well.

What exactly do you plan to do if you pull up your freshman student's grades and see that they got a 55% on their Intro to Business midterm?

I think that by the time they are away at school that stuff is going to be out of your hands. She is either studying or not studying. She is either showing up to class and doing her homework or she is not showing up to class and doing her homework. She is either passing her classes or she's not.

You can't do it for them. Knowing about every little grade that they get is not necessary, it doesn't help and you won't be able to change a thing about it.

She is either going to have to put her nose to the grindstone, go to her guidance counselor and change her course of study or come home after she flunks out and attend community college for awhile or get a job.

Agree. You need to let these kids fail, because with all this hovering they'll never learn the valuable lessons that failure brings.

I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

Agree, but you should be letting kids get more independent and allow them mistakes long before college, and even high school. I see so many parents decide sports, talk to teachers, try to fix friendships FOR their kids. . Heck, our district now has a portal to track grades. I mean come on already. No wonder so many are labeled with disabilities. One month of daydreaming or struggling with a skill and the kid is medicated and tracked like a hawk. Kids make mistakes. A TON of them. Kids need to find themselves and their passions. No need to micromanage them. They need to learn to figure most out on their own BEFORE going off to college, while you are there if they need you. No different than a permit vs a license. They need to drive on the permit, with you there to guide them. More in the beginning and a lot less in the end. Once they have their license and go off they are ready. Would you let a teen get a license without practicing and put them right in rush hour traffic. That is what many parents do with collage.

Sorry, but some of these kids struggle with these disabilities through adulthood. It’s called poor executive functioning. My son has it and while I don’t get involved in the day to Day with him, I do track his grades in high school and plan to have access in college....not to remind him of anything, but to be aware of any glaring problems before they worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this snobbery, about being a laid back parent who wouldn't dream of checking on their kid's grades is really annoying. Truth is for the most part, the extent to whether parents are intensive or laid back about monitoring grades really depends on the grades. I have two daughters in high school. With the oldest I rarely ever look at her grades on parent portal. There's no reason to, she's never made a final grade below an A. With my younger ADHD daughter, I monitor her grades like a hawk. I'm pretty nervous about how she is going to handle college and I'm sure during that first year, I will be checking on her grades quite a bit. If she does well, then yeah I'll back off. Those of you who don't bother checking on your college student's grades probably have good reason to feel confident that your kid is making grades that you would consider acceptable, if you thought otherwise you would be checking as well.

What exactly do you plan to do if you pull up your freshman student's grades and see that they got a 55% on their Intro to Business midterm?

I think that by the time they are away at school that stuff is going to be out of your hands. She is either studying or not studying. She is either showing up to class and doing her homework or she is not showing up to class and doing her homework. She is either passing her classes or she's not.

You can't do it for them. Knowing about every little grade that they get is not necessary, it doesn't help and you won't be able to change a thing about it.

She is either going to have to put her nose to the grindstone, go to her guidance counselor and change her course of study or come home after she flunks out and attend community college for awhile or get a job.

Agree. You need to let these kids fail, because with all this hovering they'll never learn the valuable lessons that failure brings.

I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

Agree, but you should be letting kids get more independent and allow them mistakes long before college, and even high school. I see so many parents decide sports, talk to teachers, try to fix friendships FOR their kids. . Heck, our district now has a portal to track grades. I mean come on already. No wonder so many are labeled with disabilities. One month of daydreaming or struggling with a skill and the kid is medicated and tracked like a hawk. Kids make mistakes. A TON of them. Kids need to find themselves and their passions. No need to micromanage them. They need to learn to figure most out on their own BEFORE going off to college, while you are there if they need you. No different than a permit vs a license. They need to drive on the permit, with you there to guide them. More in the beginning and a lot less in the end. Once they have their license and go off they are ready. Would you let a teen get a license without practicing and put them right in rush hour traffic. That is what many parents do with collage.

Sorry, but some of these kids struggle with these disabilities through adulthood. It’s called poor executive functioning. My son has it and while I don’t get involved in the day to Day with him, I do track his grades in high school and plan to have access in college....not to remind him of anything, but to be aware of any glaring problems before they worse.

He has poor executive function because of us. My child had it too. It is our fault. Immediate gratification. Micromanaging them so they don't have to, everyone gets a trophy, hovering, doing things for them instead of letting them fail. Not being patient and watching them learn it themselves. Stepping in for them, as young at 1yr old. And not to mention the screens. Tons of it all of the time. Once they hit middle school, they have no idea of failure, organization, study skills, proper socialization, etc... Schools are so focused on standardized testing and grades. Sitting in a class forever with 30 other kids. They should be teaching these kids how to think for themselves. Plan and study themselves. OT's, PT's. tutors, therapists, doctors, etc... are the new norm in most kids lives. I am ashamed. I would love a do over.

There is a reason why so many kids have anxiety, higher functioning disabilities, ADHD, ADD, poor fine motor skills, depression, sky high suicide rates. It is poor parenting. It truly is. We think we have done everything for them - and it is the worst thing we could do. We step in and fine tune things and then we high pressure them to be perfect. How can they be? We never give them a chance to grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this snobbery, about being a laid back parent who wouldn't dream of checking on their kid's grades is really annoying. Truth is for the most part, the extent to whether parents are intensive or laid back about monitoring grades really depends on the grades. I have two daughters in high school. With the oldest I rarely ever look at her grades on parent portal. There's no reason to, she's never made a final grade below an A. With my younger ADHD daughter, I monitor her grades like a hawk. I'm pretty nervous about how she is going to handle college and I'm sure during that first year, I will be checking on her grades quite a bit. If she does well, then yeah I'll back off. Those of you who don't bother checking on your college student's grades probably have good reason to feel confident that your kid is making grades that you would consider acceptable, if you thought otherwise you would be checking as well.

What exactly do you plan to do if you pull up your freshman student's grades and see that they got a 55% on their Intro to Business midterm?

I think that by the time they are away at school that stuff is going to be out of your hands. She is either studying or not studying. She is either showing up to class and doing her homework or she is not showing up to class and doing her homework. She is either passing her classes or she's not.

You can't do it for them. Knowing about every little grade that they get is not necessary, it doesn't help and you won't be able to change a thing about it.

She is either going to have to put her nose to the grindstone, go to her guidance counselor and change her course of study or come home after she flunks out and attend community college for awhile or get a job.

Agree. You need to let these kids fail, because with all this hovering they'll never learn the valuable lessons that failure brings.

I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

Agree, but you should be letting kids get more independent and allow them mistakes long before college, and even high school. I see so many parents decide sports, talk to teachers, try to fix friendships FOR their kids. . Heck, our district now has a portal to track grades. I mean come on already. No wonder so many are labeled with disabilities. One month of daydreaming or struggling with a skill and the kid is medicated and tracked like a hawk. Kids make mistakes. A TON of them. Kids need to find themselves and their passions. No need to micromanage them. They need to learn to figure most out on their own BEFORE going off to college, while you are there if they need you. No different than a permit vs a license. They need to drive on the permit, with you there to guide them. More in the beginning and a lot less in the end. Once they have their license and go off they are ready. Would you let a teen get a license without practicing and put them right in rush hour traffic. That is what many parents do with collage.

Sorry, but some of these kids struggle with these disabilities through adulthood. It’s called poor executive functioning. My son has it and while I don’t get involved in the day to Day with him, I do track his grades in high school and plan to have access in college....not to remind him of anything, but to be aware of any glaring problems before they worse.

He has poor executive function because of us. My child had it too. It is our fault. Immediate gratification. Micromanaging them so they don't have to, everyone gets a trophy, hovering, doing things for them instead of letting them fail. Not being patient and watching them learn it themselves. Stepping in for them, as young at 1yr old. And not to mention the screens. Tons of it all of the time. Once they hit middle school, they have no idea of failure, organization, study skills, proper socialization, etc... Schools are so focused on standardized testing and grades. Sitting in a class forever with 30 other kids. They should be teaching these kids how to think for themselves. Plan and study themselves. OT's, PT's. tutors, therapists, doctors, etc... are the new norm in most kids lives. I am ashamed. I would love a do over.

There is a reason why so many kids have anxiety, higher functioning disabilities, ADHD, ADD, poor fine motor skills, depression, sky high suicide rates. It is poor parenting. It truly is. We think we have done everything for them - and it is the worst thing we could do. We step in and fine tune things and then we high pressure them to be perfect. How can they be? We never give them a chance to grow.

You can speak for yourself. My son was struggling with these issues from very early age...1st grade. It has nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with brain structure and development. In fact, m DS's ADHD has improved significantly since his first test in 2nd grade, where his processing skill was at 18 percentile and is now at 50 percentile. That means he is developing. In fact, although he had accommodations on his standardized tests (ACT), it turns out that he would never get approved if we applied with his current testing (taken just this past summer). Turns out he has improved so much that he would not qualify for accommodations on either ACT or SAT, however, would still be able to get accommodations in college. Lucky for us that we used the old test to get the ACT accommodations.

Bottom line, you think ADHD is caused by environmental issues, but it is something kids are born with.

[Anonymous]

Oh dear God PP.

You are not born with ADHD. What wacko taught you that?

[Anonymous]

If I'm paying I expect to see grades. My sister spent six years (plus several retries) in college and never graduated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren't "adults" until they are paying their own way. I am pay more than $70k for one student and $50 for another. I damn well am gong to have access to their grades--tracking their assignments, no but knowing that they are on track and not throwing my money down the toilet. Absolutely.

I’d hate to be your kid.

My kids are happy, well-adjusted, mature and NOT entitled. They understand that a 100% funded education is a privilege denied to most. It is not a 4 year party. DH and I grew up poor and worked our tails off (2 and 3 jobs at a time) to get through college. Our kids are fortunate to have an "easy" life, but that doesn't mean that they don't the responsibilities. If, in your book, that sounds like a 'horrible" life then, I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, this is way too much, especially if you're considering tracking individual assignments and logging into your kid's portal! If you're paying for their college, I do think that gives you the right to ask about final grades though.

Well, if they're not doing the practice sets you can be pretty damn sure they're going to bomb midterms. Wouldn't you rather address that NOW before they fail a few courses first semester? Or if they're getting crummy p-set scores in math or stats, you could encourage a tutor.

As the mom of college grads, I'm astounded by this. They are adults. Are you planning to follow them to work to make sure they are keeping up?

Oh come on. College students aren't "real" adults. You are paying for their colllege and most likely their living expenses. It's ridiculous to compare monitoring your college student's grades with following them to work.

+1000 College is a major investment. How many people totally ignore their finances, in general, but then are expected to suddenly ignore an investment as large as college tuition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, this is way too much, especially if you're considering tracking individual assignments and logging into your kid's portal! If you're paying for their college, I do think that gives you the right to ask about final grades though.

Well, if they're not doing the practice sets you can be pretty damn sure they're going to bomb midterms. Wouldn't you rather address that NOW before they fail a few courses first semester? Or if they're getting crummy p-set scores in math or stats, you could encourage a tutor.

As the mom of college grads, I'm astounded by this. They are adults. Are you planning to follow them to work to make sure they are keeping up?

Oh come on. College students aren't "real" adults. You are paying for their colllege and most likely their living expenses. It's ridiculous to compare monitoring your college student's grades with following them to work.

Not that pp. But by the time they go off to college they really do need to do this stuff for themselves. You have absolutely zero control over whether or not they are doing their homework, going to study group, taking advantage of the tutoring center and/or professor's office hours. They are either self motivated to do this or they are not.

You sitting at home monitoring their grades and nagging them afar will accomplish nothing. I personally think that asking them about semester grades is o.k., as is asking them how they like their major and what their schedule is.

At no point did s/he say that any nagging was being done. You are projecting. Only a fool waits until their kid flunks out to realize they just tossed $30K. $50K $70K or more for the year out the window. I am amazed at all the parents who micromanage every move of their children who sudden say hands off when they go to college -- as if that suddenly makes them mature adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, this is way too much, especially if you're considering tracking individual assignments and logging into your kid's portal! If you're paying for their college, I do think that gives you the right to ask about final grades though.

Well, if they're not doing the practice sets you can be pretty damn sure they're going to bomb midterms. Wouldn't you rather address that NOW before they fail a few courses first semester? Or if they're getting crummy p-set scores in math or stats, you could encourage a tutor.

As the mom of college grads, I'm astounded by this. They are adults. Are you planning to follow them to work to make sure they are keeping up?

Oh come on. College students aren't "real" adults. You are paying for their colllege and most likely their living expenses. It's ridiculous to compare monitoring your college student's grades with following them to work.

Yes. They are adults. My kid is not some investment I expect a pay out on. He's an individual. I CHOOSE to pay his tuition. He chooses to use the money wisely (good grades) or not.

He gets one shot from me. I am not going to micro manage him or pay a second go around.

Time you let the "kids" figure it out and stop using money as a means to extend your control beyond its natural end point

No. They are not adults--if so, they would have a job and be paying all of their own bills not relying on mommy and daddy to pick up the tab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, this is way too much, especially if you're considering tracking individual assignments and logging into your kid's portal! If you're paying for their college, I do think that gives you the right to ask about final grades though.

Well, if they're not doing the practice sets you can be pretty damn sure they're going to bomb midterms. Wouldn't you rather address that NOW before they fail a few courses first semester? Or if they're getting crummy p-set scores in math or stats, you could encourage a tutor.

As the mom of college grads, I'm astounded by this. They are adults. Are you planning to follow them to work to make sure they are keeping up?

Oh come on. College students aren't "real" adults. You are paying for their colllege and most likely their living expenses. It's ridiculous to compare monitoring your college student's grades with following them to work.

+1 This is the last chance you have to make sure your lessons about how to be an adult have worked. So way, way more hands off than high school, but not as hands off as your are after college graduation. There's a balance.

+100

[Anonymous]

Dang, I feel sorry for all of the 18 year olds who are left to figure out everything for themselves. There is a balance between allowing you child the freedom to grow up and pushing them out of the nest and hoping like hell they don't crash and burn.