Do normal parents check college child's grades...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is graduating this year with a double degree and I think about 180 credits. I have always had a copy of her schedule so I know what she’s doing, but mostly a reminder of just how stressful her life is at that moment. I have never seen her grades though, and am very careful not to ask. But hey, my kid had a spreadsheet she made to navigate her degrees and knew before she left HS she was going to grad school. Our job was to reassure her that dropping a horrible class was actually a valid time tested method of improving success, taking an internship was both a job and a vacation, and that grades were beyond her control outside of actually showing up and doing the work.

So your daughter is graduating this year and you have no idea of what her gpa is?

Why does mom need to know her GPA?

It helps when helping her figure out her next steps.

She's presumably 21 or so. She's graduating with a double degree, and she knows her own GPA. Why does mom need to know this to help her figure our her next steps? This is helicoptering at it's finest. PP's daughter is clearly doing quite well without PP hovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this snobbery, about being a laid back parent who wouldn't dream of checking on their kid's grades is really annoying. Truth is for the most part, the extent to whether parents are intensive or laid back about monitoring grades really depends on the grades. I have two daughters in high school. With the oldest I rarely ever look at her grades on parent portal. There's no reason to, she's never made a final grade below an A. With my younger ADHD daughter, I monitor her grades like a hawk. I'm pretty nervous about how she is going to handle college and I'm sure during that first year, I will be checking on her grades quite a bit. If she does well, then yeah I'll back off. Those of you who don't bother checking on your college student's grades probably have good reason to feel confident that your kid is making grades that you would consider acceptable, if you thought otherwise you would be checking as well.

What exactly do you plan to do if you pull up your freshman student's grades and see that they got a 55% on their Intro to Business midterm?

I think that by the time they are away at school that stuff is going to be out of your hands. She is either studying or not studying. She is either showing up to class and doing her homework or she is not showing up to class and doing her homework. She is either passing her classes or she's not.

You can't do it for them. Knowing about every little grade that they get is not necessary, it doesn't help and you won't be able to change a thing about it.

She is either going to have to put her nose to the grindstone, go to her guidance counselor and change her course of study or come home after she flunks out and attend community college for awhile or get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this snobbery, about being a laid back parent who wouldn't dream of checking on their kid's grades is really annoying. Truth is for the most part, the extent to whether parents are intensive or laid back about monitoring grades really depends on the grades. I have two daughters in high school. With the oldest I rarely ever look at her grades on parent portal. There's no reason to, she's never made a final grade below an A. With my younger ADHD daughter, I monitor her grades like a hawk. I'm pretty nervous about how she is going to handle college and I'm sure during that first year, I will be checking on her grades quite a bit. If she does well, then yeah I'll back off. Those of you who don't bother checking on your college student's grades probably have good reason to feel confident that your kid is making grades that you would consider acceptable, if you thought otherwise you would be checking as well.

What exactly do you plan to do if you pull up your freshman student's grades and see that they got a 55% on their Intro to Business midterm?

I think that by the time they are away at school that stuff is going to be out of your hands. She is either studying or not studying. She is either showing up to class and doing her homework or she is not showing up to class and doing her homework. She is either passing her classes or she's not.

You can't do it for them. Knowing about every little grade that they get is not necessary, it doesn't help and you won't be able to change a thing about it.

She is either going to have to put her nose to the grindstone, go to her guidance counselor and change her course of study or come home after she flunks out and attend community college for awhile or get a job.

Agree. You need to let these kids fail, because with all this hovering they'll never learn the valuable lessons that failure brings.

I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We ask for grades at the end of the semester but logging into portals, asking for grades on assignments, etc. is so crazy and over the top.

Not for everyone it's not. A family member is now out on academic probation for, essentially, a year. His mom was able to check grades in real time and help him stay on track for some of the year before it fell apart. FWIW, the kid wasn't partying but is struggling with mental illness. So just stop.

I hope the kid is at community college. If the kid has a mental illness and you need to monitor closely, the child should not be away at school.

[Anonymous]

My kid is a first semester freshman. He has told me some of the grades he has gotten on tests/papers, but I have not pressed. We only have access to the parent portal which (if kid allows you) gives access to final grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:both my kids have merit scholarships that require them to maintain a certain GPA. as long as that GPA is met (3.0 for older DD and 3.5 for younger)...I don't care that much.

+1

This is how I feel about my DC. I was always a VERY involved parent, but I feel like that part of my job is done.

[Anonymous]

It's a FERPA violation to investigate your college kid's grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

Your mom knew this either because she had access to your grades or you told her. That's all that most of these parents are doing, monitoring and being aware at a macro level. My DSS went off to college and partied hard. DH and his ex didn't keep an eye via the portal, and asking DSS how it was going the answer was always that stuff was fine, and it wasn't until no tuition charges appeared for the next semester that they learned he had been academically suspended for a semester. Went DSS eventually went back to college, we told DSS that he needed to take out loans in his name, and if he graduated successfully we would help pay them off, but he needed to have some financial skin in the game this second time around.

DH learned from that mistake and we'll do things differently this time. Our other kids go off to college in a few years. We will keep an eye on midterms and finals to offer the type of advice that PP's mother did. We also will probably require a certain minimum GPA to continue getting our financial support otherwise they too will need to take out loans or take on jobs to pay their own tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is graduating this year with a double degree and I think about 180 credits. I have always had a copy of her schedule so I know what she’s doing, but mostly a reminder of just how stressful her life is at that moment. I have never seen her grades though, and am very careful not to ask. But hey, my kid had a spreadsheet she made to navigate her degrees and knew before she left HS she was going to grad school. Our job was to reassure her that dropping a horrible class was actually a valid time tested method of improving success, taking an internship was both a job and a vacation, and that grades were beyond her control outside of actually showing up and doing the work.

So your daughter is graduating this year and you have no idea of what her gpa is?

Why does mom need to know her GPA?[/quote]

It helps when helping her figure out her next steps.

Why wouldn't mom want to know her GPA? After spending $100,000 on her education it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to be curious about.

I spent $300k on college and didn’t look at college grades. I did pay attention in HS but DC is a great student and very self motivated and it really wasn’t necessary. Just graduated with a very high GPA (which I only know because he put it on his resume) and got a great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:both my kids have merit scholarships that require them to maintain a certain GPA. as long as that GPA is met (3.0 for older DD and 3.5 for younger)...I don't care that much.

+1

This is how I feel about my DC. I was always a VERY involved parent, but I feel like that part of my job is done.

+1

I'm with ya - kid needs to maintain a 3.2.

Although the truth is I care intensely about his grades, but I'm working on it, since as you both point out, that part of my job is done (whether I am ready or not). So, I don't ask, I don't pester, but it hasn't been easy inside to land that helicopter. He is showing no sign he needs the helicoptering he did need at 14, and I am treating him appropriately and watching my words. I will get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, this is way too much, especially if you're considering tracking individual assignments and logging into your kid's portal! If you're paying for their college, I do think that gives you the right to ask about final grades though.

Well, if they're not doing the practice sets you can be pretty damn sure they're going to bomb midterms. Wouldn't you rather address that NOW before they fail a few courses first semester? Or if they're getting crummy p-set scores in math or stats, you could encourage a tutor.

As the mom of college grads, I'm astounded by this. They are adults. Are you planning to follow them to work to make sure they are keeping up?

Oh come on. College students aren't "real" adults. You are paying for their colllege and most likely their living expenses. It's ridiculous to compare monitoring your college student's grades with following them to work.

+1 This is the last chance you have to make sure your lessons about how to be an adult have worked. So way, way more hands off than high school, but not as hands off as your are after college graduation. There's a balance.

No, there is no balance here. You coddle. The End

So to you there is literally no difference between show me your grades because I’m paying $50k and don’t want to waste it, and checking to make sure they do their homework? That’s such rigid thinking.

[Anonymous]

I just didn't give the necessary permission for my parents to check. I think we had to sign some waiver for that? Don't know if they ever tried, but I doubt it. I was pretty transparent because I got significantly better grades in college than HS. I don't think I ever actually showed them anything though, unless maybe the certificates when I made dean's list a couple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember my GPA slipping just below the threshold for my scholarship in college. My mom basically said I needed to fix it or else no more school for me. I called my counselor and teacher of the class that I got the lowest grade in and tried to work something out. She let me rewrite a paper over the summer and send it in for reconsideration. I did all of this BY MYSELF. I ended up getting the grade raised enough to keep the scholarship and learned that I better get my sh!t together if I wanted to stay in school. It never happened again.

Let go, people. You are NOT helping your kids by hovering this much.

Your mom knew this either because she had access to your grades or you told her. That's all that most of these parents are doing, monitoring and being aware at a macro level. My DSS went off to college and partied hard. DH and his ex didn't keep an eye via the portal, and asking DSS how it was going the answer was always that stuff was fine, and it wasn't until no tuition charges appeared for the next semester that they learned he had been academically suspended for a semester. Went DSS eventually went back to college, we told DSS that he needed to take out loans in his name, and if he graduated successfully we would help pay them off, but he needed to have some financial skin in the game this second time around.

DH learned from that mistake and we'll do things differently this time. Our other kids go off to college in a few years. We will keep an eye on midterms and finals to offer the type of advice that PP's mother did. We also will probably require a certain minimum GPA to continue getting our financial support otherwise they too will need to take out loans or take on jobs to pay their own tuition.

I'm glad he learned, and I'm glad you had the money to be so hands off. We have the funds for eight semesters. I would have wanted to know about the suspension, but I appreciate the challenge when the kid is not forthcoming. Hopefully we won't have to worry about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just didn't give the necessary permission for my parents to check. I think we had to sign some waiver for that? Don't know if they ever tried, but I doubt it. I was pretty transparent because I got significantly better grades in college than HS. I don't think I ever actually showed them anything though, unless maybe the certificates when I made dean's list a couple times.

Yeah, this came up in my house. I said that if I don't get the permissions, I don't pay the bill. Grade permission is not an option at his school, although big grade events, like suspension, will be reported.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is graduating this year with a double degree and I think about 180 credits. I have always had a copy of her schedule so I know what she’s doing, but mostly a reminder of just how stressful her life is at that moment. I have never seen her grades though, and am very careful not to ask. But hey, my kid had a spreadsheet she made to navigate her degrees and knew before she left HS she was going to grad school. Our job was to reassure her that dropping a horrible class was actually a valid time tested method of improving success, taking an internship was both a job and a vacation, and that grades were beyond her control outside of actually showing up and doing the work.

So your daughter is graduating this year and you have no idea of what her gpa is?

Why does mom need to know her GPA?

It helps when helping her figure out her next steps.

NP. If your child is graduating from college and still needs Mom to help her figure out next steps in terms of career or grad school...that is really not a good sign at all.