Interested in hearing stories about spouse leaving workforce or going part-time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foryears when our kids were younger DH would say, "you don't have to work," he a couple years after I finally took him up on it, he expressed his resentment. I explained all that I do for our household (we still have cleaners too), and that bnb made it a little better.

I am the COO of our household. I am responsible for calendars for all of us, rides for the kids (or arranging carpools if they both need to be somewhere at the same time), arrang8ng for and being home to meet repair people or contractors, bill paying, vacation planning, budgeting, grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking, making sure the kids have the right clothes in the right season in the right size, have uniforms clean on game day, have all forms signed and returned to school on time, all doctor, dentist and eye doctor appointments (plus specialists for one child), etc. Its like I am the personal assistant for ALL When you look at what the job really entails (even without the cleaning), I am undervalued as a SAHM!

Wow I’m a single parent who does all of the above while working full time. And don’t have house cleaners. It’s called adulting.

Right? I do all this, as well, and I work (and I'm not a single parent, so kudos to you, pp).

What kind of message are you sending, first PP, especially if you have girls? Undervalued my ass. Who do you think does that stuff when both parents work?

I work full-time, husband "works from home," and I do all those things listed above and then some. COO of the household? Please.

Oh look. Another woman working a full time job AND acting as the family secretary. Until women stop doing all of this unpaid work for men, we will never have equality. It’s pathetic that women are posting here bragging about how they work and do all of the things mentioned above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking at your wife's progression as an attorney, I would suggest that she will have difficulty finding comparable employment after taking time off. 100K nonprofit lawyer jobs are, believe it or not, highly, highly sought after by exactly the type of woman your wife is--a highly skilled, credentialed, mother. Once someone nabs that job, they usually don't give them up, so they don't come open very often.

How stable is YOUR job, OP? I know plenty of people who make excellent salaries who could not, realistically speaking, replicate those salaries again if they lost their jobs. There are various reasons for this, but it's ignorant to pretend it's not true.

This is correct. It is extremely hard to leave, take off a couple years, and come back at a decently high level in the nonprofit world because these jobs are sought after by a certain well-skilled demographic.

I think your wife needs to ask herself if she really wants to quit working altogether or if she just hates her current employer, in which case she could look for another job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foryears when our kids were younger DH would say, "you don't have to work," he a couple years after I finally took him up on it, he expressed his resentment. I explained all that I do for our household (we still have cleaners too), and that bnb made it a little better.

I am the COO of our household. I am responsible for calendars for all of us, rides for the kids (or arranging carpools if they both need to be somewhere at the same time), arrang8ng for and being home to meet repair people or contractors, bill paying, vacation planning, budgeting, grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking, making sure the kids have the right clothes in the right season in the right size, have uniforms clean on game day, have all forms signed and returned to school on time, all doctor, dentist and eye doctor appointments (plus specialists for one child), etc. Its like I am the personal assistant for ALL When you look at what the job really entails (even without the cleaning), I am undervalued as a SAHM!

Wow I’m a single parent who does all of the above while working full time. And don’t have house cleaners. It’s called adulting.

Right? I do all this, as well, and I work (and I'm not a single parent, so kudos to you, pp).

What kind of message are you sending, first PP, especially if you have girls? Undervalued my ass. Who do you think does that stuff when both parents work?

I work full-time, husband "works from home," and I do all those things listed above and then some. COO of the household? Please.

Oh look. Another woman working a full time job AND acting as the family secretary. Until women stop doing all of this unpaid work for men, we will never have equality. It’s pathetic that women are posting here bragging about how they work and do all of the things mentioned above.

Family secretary? I'm not PP, but DH does a ton of stuff for our family also. What's the breakdown of work and household management in YOUR house, enlightened PP?

And you think THAT's pathetic, but not the PP calling herself COO of the household? LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at your wife's progression as an attorney, I would suggest that she will have difficulty finding comparable employment after taking time off. 100K nonprofit lawyer jobs are, believe it or not, highly, highly sought after by exactly the type of woman your wife is--a highly skilled, credentialed, mother. Once someone nabs that job, they usually don't give them up, so they don't come open very often.

How stable is YOUR job, OP? I know plenty of people who make excellent salaries who could not, realistically speaking, replicate those salaries again if they lost their jobs. There are various reasons for this, but it's ignorant to pretend it's not true.

This is correct. It is extremely hard to leave, take off a couple years, and come back at a decently high level in the nonprofit world because these jobs are sought after by a certain well-skilled demographic.

I think your wife needs to ask herself if she really wants to quit working altogether or if she just hates her current employer, in which case she could look for another job.

Pp, I took 5 years off and it took anout six months for me to find a prestigious job as a lawyer at one of the better paying federal agencies (where I had no perwonql connections). It really isn’t difficult if one is well credentialed, as op says his wife is.

[Anonymous]

What does dabbling in hobbies mean? Starting an etsy shop or selling Stella & Dot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at your wife's progression as an attorney, I would suggest that she will have difficulty finding comparable employment after taking time off. 100K nonprofit lawyer jobs are, believe it or not, highly, highly sought after by exactly the type of woman your wife is--a highly skilled, credentialed, mother. Once someone nabs that job, they usually don't give them up, so they don't come open very often.

How stable is YOUR job, OP? I know plenty of people who make excellent salaries who could not, realistically speaking, replicate those salaries again if they lost their jobs. There are various reasons for this, but it's ignorant to pretend it's not true.

This is correct. It is extremely hard to leave, take off a couple years, and come back at a decently high level in the nonprofit world because these jobs are sought after by a certain well-skilled demographic.

I think your wife needs to ask herself if she really wants to quit working altogether or if she just hates her current employer, in which case she could look for another job.

Pp, I took 5 years off and it took anout six months for me to find a prestigious job as a lawyer at one of the better paying federal agencies (where I had no perwonql connections). It really isn’t difficult if one is well credentialed, as op says his wife is.

ANother attorney here. I would say your experience is unusual. The legal field is not known to be one that is hospitable for people hopping on and off the track. Especially if one is choosy about where one wants to work.

[Anonymous]

I am a nonprofit lawyer (wife) who wanted more time at home with little kids so I became a consultant. It was great money and great flexibility and is part-time. I would recommend your wife consider it. She'll have time to do 20 hours or so a week and can explore different types of work. And the best thing is that you can set up a SEP which allows you to contribute 25% of what she earns to a retirement fund and that offsets the financial impact of the self employment taxes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at your wife's progression as an attorney, I would suggest that she will have difficulty finding comparable employment after taking time off. 100K nonprofit lawyer jobs are, believe it or not, highly, highly sought after by exactly the type of woman your wife is--a highly skilled, credentialed, mother. Once someone nabs that job, they usually don't give them up, so they don't come open very often.

How stable is YOUR job, OP? I know plenty of people who make excellent salaries who could not, realistically speaking, replicate those salaries again if they lost their jobs. There are various reasons for this, but it's ignorant to pretend it's not true.

This is correct. It is extremely hard to leave, take off a couple years, and come back at a decently high level in the nonprofit world because these jobs are sought after by a certain well-skilled demographic.

I think your wife needs to ask herself if she really wants to quit working altogether or if she just hates her current employer, in which case she could look for another job.

Pp, I took 5 years off and it took anout six months for me to find a prestigious job as a lawyer at one of the better paying federal agencies (where I had no perwonql connections). It really isn’t difficult if one is well credentialed, as op says his wife is.

ANother attorney here. I would say your experience is unusual. The legal field is not known to be one that is hospitable for people hopping on and off the track. Especially if one is choosy about where one wants to work.

+1. Also, biglaw chews up and spits out so many attorneys that don't make partner and there are only so many "good" law jobs to go around.

[Anonymous]

Amazing how jealous and nasty some people are. OP, you can easily afford for your wife to stay home, not everyone is so lucky. Ignore the naysayers here and do what works for your family - you know what they say, "happy wife, happy life!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how jealous and nasty some people are. OP, you can easily afford for your wife to stay home, not everyone is so lucky. Ignore the naysayers here and do what works for your family - you know what they say, "happy wife, happy life!"

You mean you know what wives say...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nonprofit lawyer (wife) who wanted more time at home with little kids so I became a consultant. It was great money and great flexibility and is part-time. I would recommend your wife consider it. She'll have time to do 20 hours or so a week and can explore different types of work. And the best thing is that you can set up a SEP which allows you to contribute 25% of what she earns to a retirement fund and that offsets the financial impact of the self employment taxes

What kind of consultant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at your wife's progression as an attorney, I would suggest that she will have difficulty finding comparable employment after taking time off. 100K nonprofit lawyer jobs are, believe it or not, highly, highly sought after by exactly the type of woman your wife is--a highly skilled, credentialed, mother. Once someone nabs that job, they usually don't give them up, so they don't come open very often.

How stable is YOUR job, OP? I know plenty of people who make excellent salaries who could not, realistically speaking, replicate those salaries again if they lost their jobs. There are various reasons for this, but it's ignorant to pretend it's not true.

This is correct. It is extremely hard to leave, take off a couple years, and come back at a decently high level in the nonprofit world because these jobs are sought after by a certain well-skilled demographic.

I think your wife needs to ask herself if she really wants to quit working altogether or if she just hates her current employer, in which case she could look for another job.

Pp, I took 5 years off and it took anout six months for me to find a prestigious job as a lawyer at one of the better paying federal agencies (where I had no perwonql connections). It really isn’t difficult if one is well credentialed, as op says his wife is.

ANother attorney here. I would say your experience is unusual. The legal field is not known to be one that is hospitable for people hopping on and off the track. Especially if one is choosy about where one wants to work.

Acrually, it isn’t. I know a decent amount of attorneys who have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

(My wife is not interested in being a true stay at home parent. It’s just that she doesn’t want to be tied to a computer and a desk in an uninspiring job and she craves more flexibility and free time. She will likely try her hand at something entrepreneurial, or maybe dabble with hobbies. She’s struggling to find the thing she wants to do and wants the freedom to figure it out. She also wants more flexibility to be with the kids.)

That just sounds extremely self indulgent to me. Lots of people want to have the freedom to leave their jobs and I don't begrudge those who can make it happen. But if this is what she wants, she needs to be totally on top of the financial situation in your home, including being point person on managing all your finances and expenditures. To me that is the most important part of being the SAH Parent .. being able to live off of one income means you make significant trade offs in spending to make it happen.

If I were you I would NOT agree to reducing your level of savings. She needs to identify other ways to manage to keep you guys living well on $100,000 less salary a year. Is she willing to give anything up?

I agree with this. I just don't get why it would be ok with you that she quit work to 'dabble in hobbies.' Why can't you do that? Because she has a vagina?

It sort of sounds like he does want to do this, but not in the kids schedule. His plan is to have his wife work the double shift of FT work and raising children so he can retire as soon as the kids are gone. What is he planning on doing when he retires at 55?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

(My wife is not interested in being a true stay at home parent. It’s just that she doesn’t want to be tied to a computer and a desk in an uninspiring job and she craves more flexibility and free time. She will likely try her hand at something entrepreneurial, or maybe dabble with hobbies. She’s struggling to find the thing she wants to do and wants the freedom to figure it out. She also wants more flexibility to be with the kids.)

That just sounds extremely self indulgent to me. Lots of people want to have the freedom to leave their jobs and I don't begrudge those who can make it happen. But if this is what she wants, she needs to be totally on top of the financial situation in your home, including being point person on managing all your finances and expenditures. To me that is the most important part of being the SAH Parent .. being able to live off of one income means you make significant trade offs in spending to make it happen.

If I were you I would NOT agree to reducing your level of savings. She needs to identify other ways to manage to keep you guys living well on $100,000 less salary a year. Is she willing to give anything up?

I agree with this. I just don't get why it would be ok with you that she quit work to 'dabble in hobbies.' Why can't you do that? Because she has a vagina?

It sort of sounds like he does want to do this, but not in the kids schedule. His plan is to have his wife work the double shift of FT work and raising children so he can retire as soon as the kids are gone. What is he planning on doing when he retires at 55?

You are just making stuff up now. Where does OP say that his wife handles everything related to the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

(My wife is not interested in being a true stay at home parent. It’s just that she doesn’t want to be tied to a computer and a desk in an uninspiring job and she craves more flexibility and free time. She will likely try her hand at something entrepreneurial, or maybe dabble with hobbies. She’s struggling to find the thing she wants to do and wants the freedom to figure it out. She also wants more flexibility to be with the kids.)

That just sounds extremely self indulgent to me. Lots of people want to have the freedom to leave their jobs and I don't begrudge those who can make it happen. But if this is what she wants, she needs to be totally on top of the financial situation in your home, including being point person on managing all your finances and expenditures. To me that is the most important part of being the SAH Parent .. being able to live off of one income means you make significant trade offs in spending to make it happen.

If I were you I would NOT agree to reducing your level of savings. She needs to identify other ways to manage to keep you guys living well on $100,000 less salary a year. Is she willing to give anything up?

I agree with this. I just don't get why it would be ok with you that she quit work to 'dabble in hobbies.' Why can't you do that? Because she has a vagina?

It sort of sounds like he does want to do this, but not in the kids schedule. His plan is to have his wife work the double shift of FT work and raising children so he can retire as soon as the kids are gone. What is he planning on doing when he retires at 55?

You are just making stuff up now. Where does OP say that his wife handles everything related to the kids?

Her husband probably doesn't do his share, so she can’t imagine the idea of an involved father.