Middle schooler who intentionally annoys his peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

Medication might help (maybe), but certainly does not fix. I agree with the PP who said it is HARD parenting a kid with ADHD - and parents who are only dealing with a mild case of inattention just have no clue. They think other parents aren’t strict enough or just stink at parenting, but that’s really ignorant. It can take years of working with a doctor to find a medication and dose that helps without side effects. Some patients never find that “sweet spot” despite years of trying. Often, what works best is simply age and maturity. Kids with ADHD often find friends who are a few years younger rather than same-age peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

Medication might help (maybe), but certainly does not fix. I agree with the PP who said it is HARD parenting a kid with ADHD - and parents who are only dealing with a mild case of inattention just have no clue. They think other parents aren’t strict enough or just stink at parenting, but that’s really ignorant. It can take years of working with a doctor to find a medication and dose that helps without side effects. Some patients never find that “sweet spot” despite years of trying. Often, what works best is simply age and maturity. Kids with ADHD often find friends who are a few years younger rather than same-age peers.

My kid, 10, has ADHD combined type and ASD. He is wild, hyper like a whirling dervish, and can’t sit still. Also impulsive and inattentive. Medication is helpful but he is off for the summer and getting new medication once school starts. Nevertheless, he is not obnoxious off his meds (he’s internalized all his social skills/pragmatic speech lessons he learned while on his meds) and has friends - same aged and grade ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think calling Lucas pookis is funny. All this over a joke. OMG how about Lucas get over himself.

I don't think 1 boy at our kids school does not get a nickname at some point he doesn't love.

Just stop hanging around pookis.

Imagine you are Lucas and this is your life 180 days a year. It’s not a nick name. It’s bullying.

Not PP but jeezus. No it isn't bullying, it's teasing. It's annoying but harmless. Bullying ruins lives, STOP equating the two because you aren't doing any good to anyone.

It's considered verbal bullying, which is different from harmful teasing. My kid has been the victim of verbal bullying and it is deeply hurtful to her.
https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/bullying/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

No, its not. It isn't bullying. It's teasing. The other child isn't being intimidated, the other child isn't being harmed, the other child isn't being traumatized. Please stop taking away the very real experience of bullying by watering it down with this nonsense. The other child WAS NOT HARMED. He was annoyed. There is a difference.

You’re an incredibly dense jerk - to what end? What is the point of your insistence that this isn’t bullying but instead ‘reading?’ Is it because you have a kid who can’t control himself? Your kid is hurting and bullying others - deal with the problem!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think calling Lucas pookis is funny. All this over a joke. OMG how about Lucas get over himself.

I don't think 1 boy at our kids school does not get a nickname at some point he doesn't love.

Just stop hanging around pookis.

Imagine you are Lucas and this is your life 180 days a year. It’s not a nick name. It’s bullying.

Not PP but jeezus. No it isn't bullying, it's teasing. It's annoying but harmless. Bullying ruins lives, STOP equating the two because you aren't doing any good to anyone.

It's considered verbal bullying, which is different from harmful teasing. My kid has been the victim of verbal bullying and it is deeply hurtful to her.
https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/bullying/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

No, its not. It isn't bullying. It's teasing. The other child isn't being intimidated, the other child isn't being harmed, the other child isn't being traumatized. Please stop taking away the very real experience of bullying by watering it down with this nonsense. The other child WAS NOT HARMED. He was annoyed. There is a difference.

You’re an incredibly dense jerk - to what end? What is the point of your insistence that this isn’t bullying but instead ‘reading?’ Is it because you have a kid who can’t control himself? Your kid is hurting and bullying others - deal with the problem!!

I honestly think that the PP who was posting is exemplary of the parents who are shocked when their kids get hauled in for sexual assault years later.

[Anonymous]

OP- my son has ADHD and is starting middle school. He does this sort of thing. It's a double whammy of slow processing speed and below average skills in social pragmatics.
If you're there, you can say something like "John, I'm counting to five, if you don't stop you can't play fortnight for a week." That's pretty effective- it get his attention and gives him a five second transition time to compensate for slow processing. But what about the times you're not there? Quite honestly, that's why we're considering medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- my son has ADHD and is starting middle school. He does this sort of thing. It's a double whammy of slow processing speed and below average skills in social pragmatics.
If you're there, you can say something like "John, I'm counting to five, if you don't stop you can't play fortnight for a week." That's pretty effective- it get his attention and gives him a five second transition time to compensate for slow processing. But what about the times you're not there? Quite honestly, that's why we're considering medication.

I think you’re taking a good approach. Both the counting and thinking about meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

Medication might help (maybe), but certainly does not fix. I agree with the PP who said it is HARD parenting a kid with ADHD - and parents who are only dealing with a mild case of inattention just have no clue. They think other parents aren’t strict enough or just stink at parenting, but that’s really ignorant. It can take years of working with a doctor to find a medication and dose that helps without side effects. Some patients never find that “sweet spot” despite years of trying. Often, what works best is simply age and maturity. Kids with ADHD often find friends who are a few years younger rather than same-age peers.

My kid, 10, has ADHD combined type and ASD. He is wild, hyper like a whirling dervish, and can’t sit still. Also impulsive and inattentive. Medication is helpful but he is off for the summer and getting new medication once school starts. Nevertheless, he is not obnoxious off his meds (he’s internalized all his social skills/pragmatic speech lessons he learned while on his meds) and has friends - same aged and grade ones.

Why wait until school starts for new meds? It will take weeks to be effective. You don’t know what side effects may occur. By then, he passed the point of first impressions on teachers and peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

Medication might help (maybe), but certainly does not fix. I agree with the PP who said it is HARD parenting a kid with ADHD - and parents who are only dealing with a mild case of inattention just have no clue. They think other parents aren’t strict enough or just stink at parenting, but that’s really ignorant. It can take years of working with a doctor to find a medication and dose that helps without side effects. Some patients never find that “sweet spot” despite years of trying. Often, what works best is simply age and maturity. Kids with ADHD often find friends who are a few years younger rather than same-age peers.

My kid, 10, has ADHD combined type and ASD. He is wild, hyper like a whirling dervish, and can’t sit still. Also impulsive and inattentive. Medication is helpful but he is off for the summer and getting new medication once school starts. Nevertheless, he is not obnoxious off his meds (he’s internalized all his social skills/pragmatic speech lessons he learned while on his meds) and has friends - same aged and grade ones.

Why wait until school starts for new meds? It will take weeks to be effective. You don’t know what side effects may occur. By then, he passed the point of first impressions on teachers and peers.

Because he functions ok without meds: isn’t obnoxious and can still do what he needs to do including playing tournament chess at a very high level. DS also needs to gain weight.

He is going to Auburn in the Fall and they will tell us if he needs to be on meds for his academics. Their call. Auburn accepted him without meds: they liked him not on meds as does everyone else - DS is much more social and charming not on his medication. The small class size and social skills/executive functioning embedded into the curriculum maybe enough. Currently DS is above grade level across the board but needs help with executive functioning and attention/impulse control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

...No, my SN kid has never bullied anyone, he has been graded and I've taught him how to deal with it. As a result, he's built resilience and doesn't have to fall apart when someone jokes with him. It's a great skill, you might want to try it.

It is not a joke if only one person finds it funny. While your DS may have learned resilience, not every child is where your DS is - and you should know that by now. It does OP no good for you to advise OP that the kids need to learn resilience because that is of zero help. OP's DS' inability to stifle his impulse to call his friend names is impacting his relationships with his peers. That is a very valid reason for OP to be concerned and to take action - and the only action she can take is with her DS.

Not only is it not a joke, but there is literally no reason why Lucas has to put up with it. And most kids won't. They might be totally resilient kids, but they will decide that they don't like OP's son, or that they don't enjoy hanging out with him enough to put up with his annoying behaviors. It doesn't have to be bullying to be annoying, and most kids will decide not to be friends with a kid who is annoying in this way. OP wants her son to have friends. Telling her son that Lucas just can't take a joke won't help him make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I mean, sure, tell other people to teach their kids to be more tolerant, but you also need to be doing as much as you can to help your kid improve. Because few people would want be friends with someone who repeatedly engages in annoying behavior and won't stop, regardless of the reason. And tweens/teens are unlikely to become so patient and tolerant that they will choose to spend time with someone who won't stop calling them names. This isn't asking them to be tolerant of a stutter or some other harmless behavior--it's asking them to tolerate being called names and other antagonistic behavior. And those kids don't know WHY the other kid is being annoying and calling them names, they only know that the kid won't stop even when asked to repeatedly. You can't expect their patience and tolerance to last forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I mean, sure, tell other people to teach their kids to be more tolerant, but you also need to be doing as much as you can to help your kid improve. Because few people would want be friends with someone who repeatedly engages in annoying behavior and won't stop, regardless of the reason. And tweens/teens are unlikely to become so patient and tolerant that they will choose to spend time with someone who won't stop calling them names. This isn't asking them to be tolerant of a stutter or some other harmless behavior--it's asking them to tolerate being called names and other antagonistic behavior. And those kids don't know WHY the other kid is being annoying and calling them names, they only know that the kid won't stop even when asked to repeatedly. You can't expect their patience and tolerance to last forever.

PP with the 10 yr old with ASD/ADHD here. No way will my kid tolerate this type of behavior from another kid... and he doesn’t care why the other kid is behaving like a jerk.

Asking other kids to tolerate this type of annoying behavior due to someone’s diagnosis is ridiculous and will never work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

Medication might help (maybe), but certainly does not fix. I agree with the PP who said it is HARD parenting a kid with ADHD - and parents who are only dealing with a mild case of inattention just have no clue. They think other parents aren’t strict enough or just stink at parenting, but that’s really ignorant. It can take years of working with a doctor to find a medication and dose that helps without side effects. Some patients never find that “sweet spot” despite years of trying. Often, what works best is simply age and maturity. Kids with ADHD often find friends who are a few years younger rather than same-age peers.

My kid, 10, has ADHD combined type and ASD. He is wild, hyper like a whirling dervish, and can’t sit still. Also impulsive and inattentive. Medication is helpful but he is off for the summer and getting new medication once school starts. Nevertheless, he is not obnoxious off his meds (he’s internalized all his social skills/pragmatic speech lessons he learned while on his meds) and has friends - same aged and grade ones.

Why wait until school starts for new meds? It will take weeks to be effective. You don’t know what side effects may occur. By then, he passed the point of first impressions on teachers and peers.

Because he functions ok without meds: isn’t obnoxious and can still do what he needs to do including playing tournament chess at a very high level. DS also needs to gain weight.

He is going to Auburn in the Fall and they will tell us if he needs to be on meds for his academics. Their call. Auburn accepted him without meds: they liked him not on meds as does everyone else - DS is much more social and charming not on his medication. The small class size and social skills/executive functioning embedded into the curriculum maybe enough. Currently DS is above grade level across the board but needs help with executive functioning and attention/impulse control.

Why did you say he was getting new medication in the fall, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Many posters seem to have the idea that medication and therapy/social skills groups will fix ADHD. They do not. They may help mitigate the worst symptoms, but the underlying condition is still there.

Kids with ADHD are often several years behind their peers socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. Many also lag behind on height/weight charts. People with ADHD may act annoying and immature, but people need to understand that it’s not intentional and have some patience. We need to teach our NT kids to be more tolerant. The kids with ADHD may catch up developmentally , but adolescence is an especially hard time for ADHD kids.

I have a kid, 10, with ASD/ADHD and he does not behave like an obnoxious brat. Currently, he is not medicated and he is still not allowed to act like an obnoxious brat. DS has friends and is like by his peers because he isn't an obnoxious brat. I don't think other 10/11 yrs old should expected to tolerant obnoxious behavior if the kid being obnoxious has a diagnosis. ASD and/or ADHD is not an excuse for being an obnoxious brat.

If OP's kid isn't on medication for ADHD, he needs to be. If he is on ADHD medication, the medication needs to be adjusted so that he can better control his impulses. This behavior is typically due to ADHD impulse control issues. Your child needs to be seen by a psychiatrist before he has no friends and becomes a target for bullies and suffers low self esteem, no self confidence, etc.

Medication might help (maybe), but certainly does not fix. I agree with the PP who said it is HARD parenting a kid with ADHD - and parents who are only dealing with a mild case of inattention just have no clue. They think other parents aren’t strict enough or just stink at parenting, but that’s really ignorant. It can take years of working with a doctor to find a medication and dose that helps without side effects. Some patients never find that “sweet spot” despite years of trying. Often, what works best is simply age and maturity. Kids with ADHD often find friends who are a few years younger rather than same-age peers.

My kid, 10, has ADHD combined type and ASD. He is wild, hyper like a whirling dervish, and can’t sit still. Also impulsive and inattentive. Medication is helpful but he is off for the summer and getting new medication once school starts. Nevertheless, he is not obnoxious off his meds (he’s internalized all his social skills/pragmatic speech lessons he learned while on his meds) and has friends - same aged and grade ones.

Why wait until school starts for new meds? It will take weeks to be effective. You don’t know what side effects may occur. By then, he passed the point of first impressions on teachers and peers.

Because he functions ok without meds: isn’t obnoxious and can still do what he needs to do including playing tournament chess at a very high level. DS also needs to gain weight.

He is going to Auburn in the Fall and they will tell us if he needs to be on meds for his academics. Their call. Auburn accepted him without meds: they liked him not on meds as does everyone else - DS is much more social and charming not on his medication. The small class size and social skills/executive functioning embedded into the curriculum maybe enough. Currently DS is above grade level across the board but needs help with executive functioning and attention/impulse control.

Why did you say he was getting new medication in the fall, then?

He may or may not but his neuropsych thinks DS needs to be medicated just not the one he was on previously. Also, his current teachers report attention issues without meds but prefer his personality not on the medication. So no free lunch.

DS is much more social and happy not on meds but has attention/impulse control issues. Eats more.

His previous ADHD meds made him anxious and less social and gave him stims but did help with focus and impulse control.

So he needs new medication or maybe not if small class size and executive functioning/pragmatic speech coaching is enough support. Don’t know yet.