Middle schooler who intentionally annoys his peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think calling Lucas pookis is funny. All this over a joke. OMG how about Lucas get over himself.

I don't think 1 boy at our kids school does not get a nickname at some point he doesn't love.

Just stop hanging around pookis.

Imagine you are Lucas and this is your life 180 days a year. It’s not a nick name. It’s bullying.

Not PP but jeezus. No it isn't bullying, it's teasing. It's annoying but harmless. Bullying ruins lives, STOP equating the two because you aren't doing any good to anyone.

It's considered verbal bullying, which is different from harmful teasing. My kid has been the victim of verbal bullying and it is deeply hurtful to her.
https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/bullying/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

No, its not. It isn't bullying. It's teasing. The other child isn't being intimidated, the other child isn't being harmed, the other child isn't being traumatized. Please stop taking away the very real experience of bullying by watering it down with this nonsense. The other child WAS NOT HARMED. He was annoyed. There is a difference.

Please tell my SN DD, who regularly came home crying, that she isn't intimidated or traumatized. I am sure she will understand the difference when you explain it to her. Also read the link I posted. Perhaps you can let them know that there is no such thing as verbal bullying unless an adult considers it "traumatizing."

Have you noticed something?

This thread is not about your daughter. The SN kid in question here is the one who is provoking. Not the one being provoked.

Again, this isn't bullying even if it is directed at a SN kid. That is a heavy charge to throw at a child who is calling a kid Lucas pookis. If that's what you consider bullying then you will have a long road of righteous indignation ahead of you which will serve no purposes other than to make you feel misunderstood. I suggest instead you try to see this for what it is: a kidmwho lacks impulse control and is calling another kid a completely unoffensive, yet annoying, nickname. That's all it is.

So basically we now all understand that your kid bullies other children and you want the school to treat it as “just harmless teasing”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think calling Lucas pookis is funny. All this over a joke. OMG how about Lucas get over himself.

I don't think 1 boy at our kids school does not get a nickname at some point he doesn't love.

Just stop hanging around pookis.

Imagine you are Lucas and this is your life 180 days a year. It’s not a nick name. It’s bullying.

Not PP but jeezus. No it isn't bullying, it's teasing. It's annoying but harmless. Bullying ruins lives, STOP equating the two because you aren't doing any good to anyone.

It's considered verbal bullying, which is different from harmful teasing. My kid has been the victim of verbal bullying and it is deeply hurtful to her.
https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/bullying/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

No, its not. It isn't bullying. It's teasing. The other child isn't being intimidated, the other child isn't being harmed, the other child isn't being traumatized. Please stop taking away the very real experience of bullying by watering it down with this nonsense. The other child WAS NOT HARMED. He was annoyed. There is a difference.

Please tell my SN DD, who regularly came home crying, that she isn't intimidated or traumatized. I am sure she will understand the difference when you explain it to her. Also read the link I posted. Perhaps you can let them know that there is no such thing as verbal bullying unless an adult considers it "traumatizing."

Have you noticed something?

This thread is not about your daughter. The SN kid in question here is the one who is provoking. Not the one being provoked.

Again, this isn't bullying even if it is directed at a SN kid. That is a heavy charge to throw at a child who is calling a kid Lucas pookis. If that's what you consider bullying then you will have a long road of righteous indignation ahead of you which will serve no purposes other than to make you feel misunderstood. I suggest instead you try to see this for what it is: a kidmwho lacks impulse control and is calling another kid a completely unoffensive, yet annoying, nickname. That's all it is.

So basically we now all understand that your kid bullies other children and you want the school to treat it as “just harmless teasing”.

No, my SN kid has never bullied anyone, he has been graded and I've taught him how to deal with it. As a result, he's built resilience and doesn't have to fall apart when someone jokes with him. It's a great skill, you might want to try it.

[Anonymous]

Teased, not graded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think calling Lucas pookis is funny. All this over a joke. OMG how about Lucas get over himself.

I don't think 1 boy at our kids school does not get a nickname at some point he doesn't love.

Just stop hanging around pookis.

Imagine you are Lucas and this is your life 180 days a year. It’s not a nick name. It’s bullying.

Not PP but jeezus. No it isn't bullying, it's teasing. It's annoying but harmless. Bullying ruins lives, STOP equating the two because you aren't doing any good to anyone.

It's considered verbal bullying, which is different from harmful teasing. My kid has been the victim of verbal bullying and it is deeply hurtful to her.
https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/bullying/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

No, its not. It isn't bullying. It's teasing. The other child isn't being intimidated, the other child isn't being harmed, the other child isn't being traumatized. Please stop taking away the very real experience of bullying by watering it down with this nonsense. The other child WAS NOT HARMED. He was annoyed. There is a difference.

Please tell my SN DD, who regularly came home crying, that she isn't intimidated or traumatized. I am sure she will understand the difference when you explain it to her. Also read the link I posted. Perhaps you can let them know that there is no such thing as verbal bullying unless an adult considers it "traumatizing."

Have you noticed something?

This thread is not about your daughter. The SN kid in question here is the one who is provoking. Not the one being provoked.

Again, this isn't bullying even if it is directed at a SN kid. That is a heavy charge to throw at a child who is calling a kid Lucas pookis. If that's what you consider bullying then you will have a long road of righteous indignation ahead of you which will serve no purposes other than to make you feel misunderstood. I suggest instead you try to see this for what it is: a kidmwho lacks impulse control and is calling another kid a completely unoffensive, yet annoying, nickname. That's all it is.

So basically we now all understand that your kid bullies other children and you want the school to treat it as “just harmless teasing”.

No, my SN kid has never bullied anyone, he has been graded and I've taught him how to deal with it. As a result, he's built resilience and doesn't have to fall apart when someone jokes with him. It's a great skill, you might want to try it.

Your child learned to bully from you.

[Anonymous]

...No, my SN kid has never bullied anyone, he has been graded and I've taught him how to deal with it. As a result, he's built resilience and doesn't have to fall apart when someone jokes with him. It's a great skill, you might want to try it.

It is not a joke if only one person finds it funny. While your DS may have learned resilience, not every child is where your DS is - and you should know that by now. It does OP no good for you to advise OP that the kids need to learn resilience because that is of zero help. OP's DS' inability to stifle his impulse to call his friend names is impacting his relationships with his peers. That is a very valid reason for OP to be concerned and to take action - and the only action she can take is with her DS.

[Anonymous]

Lucas needs to smack your son when he keeps on calling him names. That way, your son will learn to stop.

If he doesn't learn in middle school, someone will eventually teach your son a lesson in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think calling Lucas pookis is funny. All this over a joke. OMG how about Lucas get over himself.

I don't think 1 boy at our kids school does not get a nickname at some point he doesn't love.

Just stop hanging around pookis.

Imagine you are Lucas and this is your life 180 days a year. It’s not a nick name. It’s bullying.

Not PP but jeezus. No it isn't bullying, it's teasing. It's annoying but harmless. Bullying ruins lives, STOP equating the two because you aren't doing any good to anyone.

It's considered verbal bullying, which is different from harmful teasing. My kid has been the victim of verbal bullying and it is deeply hurtful to her.
https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/bullying/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

No, its not. It isn't bullying. It's teasing. The other child isn't being intimidated, the other child isn't being harmed, the other child isn't being traumatized. Please stop taking away the very real experience of bullying by watering it down with this nonsense. The other child WAS NOT HARMED. He was annoyed. There is a difference.

Please tell my SN DD, who regularly came home crying, that she isn't intimidated or traumatized. I am sure she will understand the difference when you explain it to her. Also read the link I posted. Perhaps you can let them know that there is no such thing as verbal bullying unless an adult considers it "traumatizing."

Have you noticed something?

This thread is not about your daughter. The SN kid in question here is the one who is provoking. Not the one being provoked.

Again, this isn't bullying even if it is directed at a SN kid. That is a heavy charge to throw at a child who is calling a kid Lucas pookis. If that's what you consider bullying then you will have a long road of righteous indignation ahead of you which will serve no purposes other than to make you feel misunderstood. I suggest instead you try to see this for what it is: a kidmwho lacks impulse control and is calling another kid a completely unoffensive, yet annoying, nickname. That's all it is.

So basically we now all understand that your kid bullies other children and you want the school to treat it as “just harmless teasing”.

+1. Nailed it. (NP here).

[Anonymous]

Why do Lucas and his mom still hang out with these folks? I would move on. OP - your child is going to lose a lot of friends if this continues. Does your child behave this way with other friends?

[Anonymous]

I am chiming in a bit late, I have something I want to say about the teasing vs bullying. I don't think we do our kids any favors by treating them as fragile beings who can't take some teasing, good grief if you had siblings then you've been subjected to a lifetime of it. If the child has been saying something truly mean - commenting on weight or physical appearance, saying someone has no friends, talking about someone's mother - that is over the line. But seriously, saying "Lucas pookis" is not bullying by any definition. Those of you who define it as bullying really aren't doing your kids any favors by not helping them learn to cope. It's our job to teach our children that life isn't fair, mean people suck, and annoying people should be ignored.

I know that some won't agree, that's ok. I'm teaching my children to deal and therefore they will be able to stand it without falling apart. I'm just urging others to do the same because it will be helpful to their kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to those posters who have contributed meaningful comments regarding how medication might help and how OCD and impulse control issues could be at play here. My challenge is now figuring out which medication to pursue. Is it an ADHD or an OCD issue? We are already on an SSRI and that does not seem to be helping. And for those who thought it was no big deal the example provided were just one of many examples. He also says inappropriate things in public where his friends are literally saying you can’t say that in public and he continues to do it to gain the attention I suppose. So there are many daily examples of how this impacts his life.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. We all know how tough this is. My kiddo also can't help his mouth at times. It is quite painful for him... and for our whole family as well because we want to see him be the kid we know he can be!

[Anonymous]

OMG - why the rush to medicate? The OP hasn't demonstrated that there are other pervasive thoughts here. we are creating a generation of kids who go to medication to solve their problems.And their parents problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am chiming in a bit late, I have something I want to say about the teasing vs bullying. I don't think we do our kids any favors by treating them as fragile beings who can't take some teasing, good grief if you had siblings then you've been subjected to a lifetime of it. If the child has been saying something truly mean - commenting on weight or physical appearance, saying someone has no friends, talking about someone's mother - that is over the line. But seriously, saying "Lucas pookis" is not bullying by any definition. Those of you who define it as bullying really aren't doing your kids any favors by not helping them learn to cope. It's our job to teach our children that life isn't fair, mean people suck, and annoying people should be ignored.

I know that some won't agree, that's ok. I'm teaching my children to deal and therefore they will be able to stand it without falling apart. I'm just urging others to do the same because it will be helpful to their kids.

Oh for Pete's sake, spare the lecture. We don't know enough about the context to know whether it's bullying (which legally has a sliding scale definition with weights on frequency and severity, and sometimes intent depending on jurisdiction). But frequency is a factor in the definition.

But let's for the sake of argument say it's not. That Lucas -- who from OPs account is acting appropriately in asking OPs son to stop and not physically lashing out -- is not being bullied. The point is that Lucas has asked OPs son repeatedly to stop, and OPs son isn't stopping. It's not whether Lucas pookis is some okay tease or not. It's a matter of consent not the content of the name.

OP is doing the right thing here. In fact this is a great opportunity to learn if this behavior can be stopped and if it can't, deal with it in context where the consequences aren't significant. Repeatedly doing a behavior that the other child has asked to stop is a very slippery slope to excuse but apparently some of you are raising very entitled kids. OP, however, is a good parent. My guess is that that those of you saying Lucas should just suck it up have boys and will screaming from the hills about the unfairness of it all when your teen son gets expelled because he has been repeatedly sexually harrassing girls (or worse) because you have been teaching him entitlement all along.

Out of curiosity, those.of you who think OPs son's behavior is fine and Lucas needs to suck it up, are you okay when this behavior moves to repeatedly touching another classmate? How about when the name turns into a sexual or racial insult? Where is your line? Do you even have one? Or is anything your child does excused?

[Anonymous]

Think of it like a male coworker saying he’s just harmlessly flirting rather than sexually harassing. Call it what you want, but if it is unwelcome and the person doing it has been asked to stop, but won’t, he is an a-hole and there should be consequences.

Help your son stop now.

[Anonymous]

Also help your son learn how to be funny

Lukas Pookis is stupid as shit