I feel like I settled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. My husband is a kind and decent man. But he is very ordinary. He has a boring middle manager job and lives a very ordinary life with middle/ lower middle class people. He’s just an average Joe.

I notice my social circle pairing up and it’s obvious that I have “married down.” None of my friends have anything in common with my husband. We’re all globalists and enjoy the finer things in life and he is very simple. We all have interesting careers at World Bank, NASA and USAID etc... my husband is at a small company and has no greater ambitions.

I was attracted to him because he is so nice and kind. But I’m sick of everyone looking down at him and his “redneck” ways and feel embarrassed.

I feel awful. I love him dearly but can’t help but feel annoyed that no one seems to appreciate him or be impressed by him.

Well, for what do you wait? Divorce him and find someone who meets your requirements!
Warren Buffet is single, as is Paul Allen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what he’s thinking — could’ve married my much nicer high school girlfriend from my hometown who is a teacher/nurse now who’d be supporting my career and we’d have a REAL marriage. Instead I’m spending another Sat night at dinner at Trip Thurston’s house where he’ll insufferably brag about his wine collection for hours but my wife thinks it’s soooo important to be impressing his well connected family.

This.

And I'd be embarrassed to tell anyone I worked for the World Bank, or that I was a globalist. I'd be afraid they'd pepper spray me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work at NASA, know many people at USAID and World Bank... how is this at all impressive? Most are just Bureaucrats, except many at World Bank are foreign nationals who come from connected families — they aren’t that impressive, though perhaps their parents are.

None of these people are making millions.

Yes, but WBers each think that they are literally saving the world - those family picnics are eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what he’s thinking — could’ve married my much nicer high school girlfriend from my hometown who is a teacher/nurse now who’d be supporting my career and we’d have a REAL marriage. Instead I’m spending another Sat night at dinner at Trip Thurston’s house where he’ll insufferably brag about his wine collection for hours but my wife thinks it’s soooo important to be impressing his well connected family.

This.

And I'd be embarrassed to tell anyone I worked for the World Bank, or that I was a globalist. I'd be afraid they'd pepper spray me.

You’d soon be mobbed by under employed hairy hipsters, that’s true.

[Anonymous]

So your problem is that your DH who has the same prestigious grad degree as you and your precious friends isn’t “global” enough for you and isn’t out there appreciating the finer things bc he’s happy hanging with his middle class friend/coworkers? So don’t you ever do anything as husband and wife? Sounds like you make money with your prestigious job. Why not take him to Europe next vacation? Why aren’t you grabbing a hotel in nyc for a weekend and seeing a show and a hot restaurant? If these things are important to you, why don’t you do them with DH? He’s not initiating bc he’s happy with life and doesn’t know how disappointed you are, but is he honestly gonna day no if you say let’s go to nyc next weekend?

[Anonymous]

Two sides to everyone coin OP - don't be this woman:


Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness.

Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Quite simply, he was my soulmate.

We were desperately in love and had our future life together mapped out.

First we would save to buy our own home, then would come a romantic wedding ceremony and children would follow.

It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?
Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me.
Only there wasn't.

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill. But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.
You see, I never did find another man who offered everything Matthew did, who understood me and loved me like he did. Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover.

Today, seeing friends with their children around them tortures me, as I know I am unlikely ever to have a family of my own. I think about the times Matthew and I talked about having children, even discussing the names we would choose. I cannot believe I turned my back on so much happiness.Instead, here I am back on the singles market, looking for the very thing I discarded with barely a backward glance all those years ago.

I know I can't have Matthew back, and it hurts when I hear snippets of information about his life and how content he is. Fifteen years after I ended our relationship, he is happily married.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263518/I-left-love-life-I-thought-I-better-Now-Im-childless-42.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two sides to everyone coin OP - don't be this woman:


Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness.

Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Quite simply, he was my soulmate.

We were desperately in love and had our future life together mapped out.

First we would save to buy our own home, then would come a romantic wedding ceremony and children would follow.

It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?
Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me.
Only there wasn't.

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill. But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.
You see, I never did find another man who offered everything Matthew did, who understood me and loved me like he did. Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover.

Today, seeing friends with their children around them tortures me, as I know I am unlikely ever to have a family of my own. I think about the times Matthew and I talked about having children, even discussing the names we would choose. I cannot believe I turned my back on so much happiness.Instead, here I am back on the singles market, looking for the very thing I discarded with barely a backward glance all those years ago.

I know I can't have Matthew back, and it hurts when I hear snippets of information about his life and how content he is. Fifteen years after I ended our relationship, he is happily married.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263518/I-left-love-life-I-thought-I-better-Now-Im-childless-42.html

Can you imagine if she stayed with Matthew, bore children and became a SAHM? Her article would be about her oppressed life in some UK village and how she thinks about what could have been if she hadn't been trapped...I think people will always find something to complain about. Dissatisfaction is part of the human condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two sides to everyone coin OP - don't be this woman:


Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness.

Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Quite simply, he was my soulmate.

We were desperately in love and had our future life together mapped out.

First we would save to buy our own home, then would come a romantic wedding ceremony and children would follow.

It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?
Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me.
Only there wasn't.

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill. But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.
You see, I never did find another man who offered everything Matthew did, who understood me and loved me like he did. Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover.

Today, seeing friends with their children around them tortures me, as I know I am unlikely ever to have a family of my own. I think about the times Matthew and I talked about having children, even discussing the names we would choose. I cannot believe I turned my back on so much happiness.Instead, here I am back on the singles market, looking for the very thing I discarded with barely a backward glance all those years ago.

I know I can't have Matthew back, and it hurts when I hear snippets of information about his life and how content he is. Fifteen years after I ended our relationship, he is happily married.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263518/I-left-love-life-I-thought-I-better-Now-Im-childless-42.html

Can you imagine if she stayed with Matthew, bore children and became a SAHM? Her article would be about her oppressed life in some UK village and how she thinks about what could have been if she hadn't been trapped...I think people will always find something to complain about. Dissatisfaction is part of the human condition.

Agreed. I also thinks she's stalking the poor man and one step away from killing him by her tone.

[Anonymous]

Aw I feel bad for him. Status isn’t everything, a kind heart is.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand how you feel. I've felt similar things, when I meet new potential friends my DH just has his AA degree but is working for a govt contractor company and works headquarters. Do you have kids? If you do, if you don't just know ths feeling gets worse if you choose to stay at home. Suddenly all of the other stay at home moms will talk about their husbands and where they work as a bragging piece like they are working at that particular job themselves. No advice, I just understand how you feel.

[Anonymous]

He is the one who settled. He should have chosen more wisely.

[Anonymous]

What exactly about him is “redneck”??

And what’s the huge issue with that anyway? I’m an attorney and much smarter than my DH but he’s a “redneck” and ambitious in his own field, which you probably wouldn’t respect since it’s blue collar. Yes I have to socialize with people who are worldly and very intelligent but I don’t feel the need to be like them. Frankly I find them boring. DH and I have way more fun riding our ATV and grilling hot dogs in the backyard and fishing. He drives a pickup truck and wears boots and builds things for the house.

It sounds like you’re incredibly insecure. Although my DH isn’t at all like many of the people I have to hang around for work, I’ve NEVER been embarrassed to bring him, talk about him, or tell people about him. He’s charming and funny and people like him regardless of his job. The problem I see here is you. You’re not successful or charming enough in your own right to feel accepted or liked. He’s not the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Eh. I didn't settle- I had very high standards, took a targeted approach to dating, and met a 1 in a million guy. Guess what, we have our fair share of problems, too. The qualities that make someone ambitious and accomplished are often detrimental to marriage.

I often fantasize about what life would be like with an average Joe.

[Anonymous]

"I've Never Been To Me"

"Hey lady, you lady
Cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother
And a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about
The things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you

Whoooa, I've been to Georgia
And California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
And we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places
And friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me

Please lady, please, lady
Don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you
Why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
Still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part
Of a weary heart
that has lived million lies

Whoooa, I've been to Nice
And the Isle of Greece
While I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
And showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
And I've seen some things
That a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me

Hey, you know what paradise is
It's a lie
A fantasy we create about people
And places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is
It's that little baby you're holding
And it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love

Sometimes I've been to crying
For unborn children
That might have made me complete
But I, I took the sweet life
I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring
The subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free
Hey lady, I've been to paradise
But I've never been to meeeeeee

I've been to paradise
(Never been to me).."

I know it's schmaltzy, but it seems relevant

[Anonymous]

LOL at “myself and my friends.”