sick of my needy husband and kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you!
I'm always amazed at men who believe cooking is either a woman's job or just plain refuse to do it when so many of the great chefs are men and commercial kitchens tend to be male-dominated.
I love watching the kids version of master chef because for the most part kids are doing a lot of the work themselves (I am convinced they get some assistance).

Have you watched Chopped Kids? I'm sure they get assistance too, but it's much more realistic than kids Master Chef. The kids are more genuine, too. My 6yo loves watching it, and I'm hoping teaches him he can prepare meals for himself, too.

Op, so many moms are in your shoes. I think you should dial it back and come up with a routine and rules for chores and cooking, and include yourself too. You can't just disengage completely from your family.
You'll end up like my friend who loses her mind once or twice a year because her family doesn't help out enough. She's a crazy raving lunatic for a couple days, her kids start doing more, she calms down, but things slowly go back to the way they were before. No rules or routine or solid expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I left for work H told me he was planning his own trip later this week with his friends. He said he needed a break from me. He said I am intolerable to be around and I make him miserable. I told him welcome to my life and the feelings were mutual. I told him to have a wonderful time and to stay gone the rest of the month if he wanted. I smiled and walked away. I said earlier that my marriage probably won't last the summer. I don't think it will make it till the end of the week. I am giddy at the prospect of having him gone. I already planned to take the kids skiing this weekend. I was worried he might want to come. Now he will be gone doing his own thing!! What a lovely way to start off the week.

I am truly happy for you.

LOL! OP, +1. Good for you. You have the right attitude around this. I suspect you saw this coming, this is your DH's last chance to shape up or ship out. Looks like he is choosing the ship out route. How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds reasonable to me. I’m older, and have found myself and many friends are burned out on being caretakers, mothers to retired husbands and grown children. I’ve stepped back entirely; for the first time in my life I put myself first and do not engage in trying to solve other’s problems. Nobody helps me when I am ill or worried; it’s a chronic one way street. I’m happier, and the world has not ended. I just do what everyone else was doing, what makes me happy. Don’t have to be unkind or hurtful about it - I’m just honest with myself now and act in my own best interests. It’s a good thing to have some self esteem; you may find people around you treat you better because you no longer are a doormat, just there to serve their purposes, make their lives better. It’s good for your children to learn to be responsible for reasonable tasks and contributing to the family functioning and chores. Don’t look on it as revenge or punishment; rather you are doing good parenting by teaching them autonomy and responsibility.

Lately I have started going to the gym at 4 PM so I am not around when people start making noises about how it's time to make dinner. sneaky but it works

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear my husband is helpless. My kids are helpless. The sad part is I allowed it go on so long. I do EVERYTHING. I am tired and I am so done. I have nothing left to give. I decided to be selfish for once and go on a long weekend with some friends. First trip like this I have taken in YEARS! Was anyone in my family supportive. NOPE! All they cared about is how it would affect them. My own husband did not want to take care of his kids for 4 days. I told him to get his shit together because I was going. He was moody moving forward till the day I left. In my quiet time I did a lot of thinking on my trip. I decided to make some MAJOR changes when I got home.

I assigned the kids chores. If they don't not do them they were grounded for 1 day for each chore they do not do. I stopped making breakfast. The kids eat cereal now. They complain. I tell them if they want a home cooked breakfast they can make it themselves and they better clean up their mess. The kids now make their own lunches for school. Surprise surprise they can now eat at school even though before they claimed school lunches were crap. For dinner I might cook if I feel like it. Otherwise its sandwiches or something real quick. The only laundry I do is my own. Husband and kids do their own laundry. If they leave their crap in the common areas for an extended period of time into the trash it goes.

Everyone thinks I have gone crazy. I tell my husband I am stepping back to save my sanity. I told him if he wants to save our marriage he better step up. The kids complain to him constantly now thinking he is going to "save" them from chores. The kids asked them to cook and he told them he did not know how to cook. Welcome to parent hood buddy.

OP, so you went away for a few days and came back. While you were away you decided that because you had allowed yourself to be walked over for years that you were going to come back and wage retribution? You decided that because you didn't like the status quo that you were going to change it all in one swoop without any input from the rest of the family? That you are going from Doormat to Dictator?

I don't blame your children for being unhappy. It sounds like you dumped a lot in their laps without any training and without any help. The fact that you were part of the adult team that should have been doing that training up until now means that you are just as culpable as your husband. Grow up. Act with maturity not a spoiled, entitled brat having a hissy fit.

Hold a family meeting. Discuss the inequities that you have allowed to exist for your children's entire existence. Explain that you would like to change the situation. Stop being the Dictator and decide amongst yourselves who will do what as part of the family. Then start being a better parent by teaching and training your children the skills they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I left for work H told me he was planning his own trip later this week with his friends. He said he needed a break from me. He said I am intolerable to be around and I make him miserable. I told him welcome to my life and the feelings were mutual. I told him to have a wonderful time and to stay gone the rest of the month if he wanted. I smiled and walked away. I said earlier that my marriage probably won't last the summer. I don't think it will make it till the end of the week. I am giddy at the prospect of having him gone. I already planned to take the kids skiing this weekend. I was worried he might want to come. Now he will be gone doing his own thing!! What a lovely way to start off the week.

It is impossible to respect someone who would post a message like this. How unfortunate for your children to have parents such as the two of you.

[Anonymous]

You raised your children to be the way they are, and now you're fed up with everything? Leave your husband, but why do the kids need to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Ignore the haters, OP, and stick to your guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOW.

I might implement that.

Awesome, me too. Once my youngest is 6 that’s going in to full effect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine concern here: are YOU ok?

I'm kind of getting the feeling you were pushed past your breaking point.

I was a crazy woman the first couple of days. I was pushed way passed my breaking point. The only person that can take care of me is me. I am now working on self care and taking control of my home. The best way to do that is to make sure everyone is self sufficient and does their fair share. I take 1 hour for myself everyday and go to the gym or shopping. Sometimes I will just sit in the back yard and read a book. I told the kids if they interrupt my "me time" they are grounded the next day. It has to be an emergency. That is how serious I am about taking time for myself. Since I have started doing this I have felt a lot better.

Absolutely. Well done and about time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the haters, OP, and stick to your guns.

Yes looking forward to the post about how OP’s DH and kids starts to laid down the law to her. OP is just a selfish asshole. Nothing good will come from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the haters, OP, and stick to your guns.

Yes looking forward to the post about how OP’s DH and kids starts to laid down the law to her. OP is just a selfish asshole. Nothing good will come from this.

Says a husband who fears the day his wife stops swallowing all of his shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, and got divorced. The freedom is refreshing, provided you are self sufficient. And when you discipline the kids there is no one there to undermine it.

I agree. I love being divorced.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the haters, OP, and stick to your guns.

Yes looking forward to the post about how OP’s DH and kids starts to laid down the law to her. OP is just a selfish asshole. Nothing good will come from this.

Says a husband who fears the day his wife stops swallowing all of his shit.

1+, NP, yeah, what law would that be? That DW does everything, they don't do shit, that's the law, so there? It's ridiculous how threatened and irrational "takers" get when someone actually challenges the equity of them "taking" all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really annoying. I predict divorce within a year.

I know right. The funny thing is women like this are the nosy busy body trying to micro-manage ( a nice way of saying controlling ) everything then complain about everyone else. Its the martyr complex very annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You raised your children to be the way they are, and now you're fed up with everything? Leave your husband, but why do the kids need to suffer?

+1