DH's family still bitter about our wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.

I don't think anyone "expects" people to come to a destination wedding! Do you get it? Do you get that you are invited, but not "expected"?

One of my very best friends got married in Maui. I couldn't afford it, and didn't go. No hard feelings. I did go to his reception in Colorado, where most friends and family gathered, as very few could make it to Maui.

No. Big. Deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.

I don't think anyone "expects" people to come to a destination wedding! Do you get it? Do you get that you are invited, but not "expected"?

One of my very best friends got married in Maui. I couldn't afford it, and didn't go. No hard feelings. I did go to his reception in Colorado, where most friends and family gathered, as very few could make it to Maui.

No. Big. Deal.

Best friend's wedding is not same as your family's wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally the wedding is hosted by the bride's parents where they live. The wedding is a party given in your honor, not "your" wedding, unless you paid the major part of the expenses.

Traditionally, nothing. This is not the 1950s anymore. Not all brides have parents who pay for the wedding. Not everyone goes to college in their home state, or marries their high school sweetheart. People don't get married at 23 as much these days, and need as much help from family.

Welcome to 2018. Brides and grooms sometimes (gasp!) pay for their own weddings, or at least a portion of it. They get married in their 30s, and don't live in their hometowns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.

I don't think anyone "expects" people to come to a destination wedding! Do you get it? Do you get that you are invited, but not "expected"?

One of my very best friends got married in Maui. I couldn't afford it, and didn't go. No hard feelings. I did go to his reception in Colorado, where most friends and family gathered, as very few could make it to Maui.

No. Big. Deal.

Best friend's wedding is not same as your family's wedding

OK, then I'll give you the example of my cousin (FAMILY!), with whom I am not that close. Anyway, she got married in Puerto Rico, and very few FAMIILY members went. We sent gifts and saw pictures. Again, no big deal. No one was "expected," just invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.

I don't think anyone "expects" people to come to a destination wedding! Do you get it? Do you get that you are invited, but not "expected"?

One of my very best friends got married in Maui. I couldn't afford it, and didn't go. No hard feelings. I did go to his reception in Colorado, where most friends and family gathered, as very few could make it to Maui.

No. Big. Deal.

Best friend's wedding is not same as your family's wedding

Not PP but a best friend's wedding is usually more important than a family member's. And a reasonable best friend understands if you can't attend a destination wedding while family will try to make you feel obligated and guilty. That's the crazy part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?

Nine years later and no one cares about your wedding. So just stop with the drama. Grow up.

IDK, that would piss me too. i think op was pretty selfish and self-centered and now she's saying "why can't we just forget about it??"

Really? So a wedding should be held at a location convenient to groom's family but not convenient for the groom, bride, and brides family?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be able to hide my reaction.

"They're mad about that? STILL?? You're kidding, right?"

Then carry on with life, glad I don't live close to that mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.

I don't think anyone "expects" people to come to a destination wedding! Do you get it? Do you get that you are invited, but not "expected"?

One of my very best friends got married in Maui. I couldn't afford it, and didn't go. No hard feelings. I did go to his reception in Colorado, where most friends and family gathered, as very few could make it to Maui.

No. Big. Deal.

Best friend's wedding is not same as your family's wedding

Not PP but a best friend's wedding is usually more important than a family member's. And a reasonable best friend understands if you can't attend a destination wedding while family will try to make you feel obligated and guilty. That's the crazy part.

Yes, and? They can "try to make you feel obligated and guilty" until they are blue in the face. Whether you cave and go if you don't want to is on you.

Own your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.

I don't think anyone "expects" people to come to a destination wedding! Do you get it? Do you get that you are invited, but not "expected"?

One of my very best friends got married in Maui. I couldn't afford it, and didn't go. No hard feelings. I did go to his reception in Colorado, where most friends and family gathered, as very few could make it to Maui.

No. Big. Deal.

Best friend's wedding is not same as your family's wedding

Not PP but a best friend's wedding is usually more important than a family member's. And a reasonable best friend understands if you can't attend a destination wedding while family will try to make you feel obligated and guilty. That's the crazy part.

Yes, and? They can "try to make you feel obligated and guilty" until they are blue in the face. Whether you cave and go if you don't want to is on you.

Own your choices.

So... I agree with you. But thanks for the snark.

[Anonymous]

Nine years? Tell them to get a life. Some people are far too sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally the wedding is hosted by the bride's parents where they live. The wedding is a party given in your honor, not "your" wedding, unless you paid the major part of the expenses.

Traditionally, nothing. This is not the 1950s anymore. Not all brides have parents who pay for the wedding. Not everyone goes to college in their home state, or marries their high school sweetheart. People don't get married at 23 as much these days, and need as much help from family.

Welcome to 2018. Brides and grooms sometimes (gasp!) pay for their own weddings, or at least a portion of it. They get married in their 30s, and don't live in their hometowns.

It may not be the 1950s but I bet the majority if not the vast majority of weddings are held in the bride's hometown so it is still the cultural norm. It doesn't mean you can't have weddings elsewhere, of course, but the OP's inlaws had no real basis to complain about the wedding being held where the bride and her parents lived. And it sounds like the OP's parents also paid for the wedding or contributed to much of the expenses.

[Anonymous]

How is this a destination wedding?

Also who holds a grudge about someone else’s wedding for 9 years? Get. A. Life.

[Anonymous]

Ignore, OP.
It's really not worth thinking about.

And, please note that it doesn't mean they don't like you!
It's just how many people are. Even their nearest and dearest sometimes become the subject of gossip and stuff like: "remember when Jane was so crazy and did X, Y, Z?".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally the wedding is hosted by the bride's parents where they live. The wedding is a party given in your honor, not "your" wedding, unless you paid the major part of the expenses.

Traditionally, nothing. This is not the 1950s anymore. Not all brides have parents who pay for the wedding. Not everyone goes to college in their home state, or marries their high school sweetheart. People don't get married at 23 as much these days, and need as much help from family.

Welcome to 2018. Brides and grooms sometimes (gasp!) pay for their own weddings, or at least a portion of it. They get married in their 30s, and don't live in their hometowns.

It may not be the 1950s but I bet the majority if not the vast majority of weddings are held in the bride's hometown so it is still the cultural norm. It doesn't mean you can't have weddings elsewhere, of course, but the OP's inlaws had no real basis to complain about the wedding being held where the bride and her parents lived. And it sounds like the OP's parents also paid for the wedding or contributed to much of the expenses.

x10000

Are your IL's always this petty and manipulative, OP?

[Anonymous]

These are my in-laws with respect to my BIL and SIL. The groom is their son and as they didn’t pay for and therefore have much input in the wedding thrown by the bride’s family, they STILL hold grudges about certain elements literally 17 years later.

You can’t change these people OP, ty to shake it off and live your life.