DH's family still bitter about our wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet it's not your DH's family, it's the _females_ in DH's family. I can't see any man caring about something like this, especially 9 years later.

Do these family members not have hobbies?

Np. Oh, older men in my husband's family are like this.

Op, I'm wondering how often this comes up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet it's not your DH's family, it's the _females_ in DH's family. I can't see any man caring about something like this, especially 9 years later.

Do these family members not have hobbies?

Oh trust me, when it comes to this nonsense, the single biggest offender in my family is my stepfather. Which is even more ironic because nobody likes him.

[Anonymous]

They should be offended. You demanded all your family on BOTH sides fly across the country for your wedding when both you and your husband were essentially from the same hometown. Really OP - that feels so self-absorbed and I don't see how you can't see that.

[Anonymous]

For me the answer would depend on how big his family is vs. how many of your family members were actually out in CA and whether it truly could’ve come off as a snub. I know you’re not obligated to consider them in planning, but I considered these things. If it truly was only your parents out in CA but your DH has his immediate family plus a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins, and the wedding was planned purely out of convenience for you and your parents I could understand why they might be upset although still being made almost a decade later is a bit much.

In wedding planning I always considered the hardship certain things might impose on friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should be offended. You demanded all your family on BOTH sides fly across the country for your wedding when both you and your husband were essentially from the same hometown. Really OP - that feels so self-absorbed and I don't see how you can't see that.

Um, OP's parents (who helped plan and pay for the wedding) live in California. OP did not say anything about where her extended family lives.

You need to unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should be offended. You demanded all your family on BOTH sides fly across the country for your wedding when both you and your husband were essentially from the same hometown. Really OP - that feels so self-absorbed and I don't see how you can't see that.

No, they did not demand anything of anyone. They sent out invitations. Invitations can be accepted, or declined. If you accept, don't gnash your teeth about your own damn choice. You are a grown-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with a destination wedding?

It's considered uncouth to have people spend money to come to your wedding because you decided to have it somewhere "exotic."

And again, some more, you don't HAVE to go if you don't want to spend the money or the time. You can RSVP no with regrets.

It's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?

Nine years later and no one cares about your wedding. So just stop with the drama. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?

Nine years later and no one cares about your wedding. So just stop with the drama. Grow up.

IDK, that would piss me too. i think op was pretty selfish and self-centered and now she's saying "why can't we just forget about it??"

[Anonymous]

Who has the time to be bothered about something like this for 9 years? Does his family not have enough to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should be offended. You demanded all your family on BOTH sides fly across the country for your wedding when both you and your husband were essentially from the same hometown. Really OP - that feels so self-absorbed and I don't see how you can't see that.

No, they did not demand anything of anyone. They sent out invitations. Invitations can be accepted, or declined. If you accept, don't gnash your teeth about your own damn choice. You are a grown-up.[/quote]

Maybe OP subconsciously did not want them there, for good reason. They don't seem like very nice people, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?

Nine years later and no one cares about your wedding. So just stop with the drama. Grow up.

IDK, that would piss me too. i think op was pretty selfish and self-centered and now she's saying "why can't we just forget about it??"

Oh yes, god forbid the bride AND groom have a wedding where they want it. Are you one of OP's in-laws?

[Anonymous]

I got married 9500 miles from my home town. Some people came, some didn't. I was gracious to everyone and clear up front that if you didn't come, it would be fine.

I got no crap ever from anyone.

OP, could you have contributed to this situation? Clearly it isn't about the location of the wedding, but about feeling welcome into your family.

[Anonymous]

Traditionally the wedding is hosted by the bride's parents where they live. The wedding is a party given in your honor, not "your" wedding, unless you paid the major part of the expenses.

[Anonymous]

Destination weddings are the pits. Have a private ceremony on an island if you wish but don't expect your guests to pony up for this. Have a party when you return home to celebrate with your family and friends.