Dating A Woman in 30’s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you want certain things but you know, this isn't something you can get out of a relationship instantly. You've known this woman for a couple of months. Isn't it a little quick to expect this to be on a marriage track already? Good relationships unfold naturally, you can't fast forward.

LOL just wait until this chick is 36 to 40 and "finally" ready to have kids. At that point, the OP will long since have moved on, and she will be so desperately baby crazy she'll be like "let's get married now and start trying for a baby on our honeymoon" with the first remotely suitable man she meets.

[Anonymous]

Op, I would say marry her too! But if she is not ready you may want to look into someone who is in their late twenties.

[Anonymous]

Attorney speaking. First five years for a new lawyer are critical. If she is working for a large firm, she will need to bill 2600 hours every year. That's 50 hours average every week. She will also be averaging another 10-15 hours per week every week. She will be working 10-12 hours a day every day, probably more. That's every day. She will buy new clothes because she will not have time to launder her current clothes. Think she is tired and stressed now? A junior associate at a law firm of any size will go 2-3 years without a day off, not even Christmas.
Unfortunately, from what you have described, she can either succeed as a lawyer or have a family. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you want certain things but you know, this isn't something you can get out of a relationship instantly. You've known this woman for a couple of months. Isn't it a little quick to expect this to be on a marriage track already? Good relationships unfold naturally, you can't fast forward.

LOL just wait until this chick is 36 to 40 and "finally" ready to have kids. At that point, the OP will long since have moved on, and she will be so desperately baby crazy she'll be like "let's get married now and start trying for a baby on our honeymoon" with the first remotely suitable man she meets.

When the "chick" is desperate to have kids, she'll easily find another loser like OP. Have the kids, divorce/joint custody. It must be tough on you men that we women have the uterus LOL

[Anonymous]

1. Try for more sleepovers, maybe 2/week to increase frequency of hanging out.
2. Pick a date on a weekend where you do something romantic. It's doesn't have to be crazy. Go spend a night at a B&B on the eastern shore. Go to the poconos for a day/night. She has time to work that into a law school schedule.
3. After finals, go away to celebrate for a long weekend. Tell her how you feel and what you are thinking. Maybe suggest living together if she returns the feelings and discuss marriage after the bar exam. September weddings are beautiful.

It may not fit your ideal schedule but it seems like you think she's worth waiting for.

[Anonymous]

OP - only you know how you feel but here is the best advice I can give:

Don't settle.

Don't just marry someone because "it's time".
Don't look for an age, or a look or anything along those lines.
Seek someone who makes you care more about them than yourself, who you would take a bullet for. Do that and you can survive the bumps that will eventually come. Marriage isn't easy, even with the right person. Don't enter it lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op dump her and look for a woman in her 20s. This one is too old and isn't going to want.to have kids straight out of law school. She's too busy proving she's as good as a man.

I completely reject the notion that she should be limited to proving she is "as good as a man." Why would she set such a low bar for herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

Actually no you don't or you wouldn't have created this thread. She probably looks like the wife/mother of your kids you conjured up in your dreams and that's where the attraction begins and ends. Look, dating is all about figuring out compatibility. You want a women who will marry you within 6 months of meeting you, your current girlfriend isn't best to move on.

Crazy starts here. Run!
OP I'm 25, completed my education with a graduate degree (accelerated program). My career allows me to work p/t or per diem. If I met the right man (compatible, mutual attraction, etc) I would want to get married in 6 mos, be married a year or so & then try for a baby. I want 2 or 3 so I want to start trying before 30, at the latest.
But I don't drink, although I go to meet-up groups. On-line, if you see my age, you would not contact me, even though I have been told I'm "super cute"and "even better looking in person". But I am not looking for sex without a serious, committed relationship so when I tell you that, you would be gone. Also I'm from NYC, so I am well spoken, & well-travelled, but I'm also an only child, so if you have any hang ups about those, you would be out. I am out here in the metro DC area but you have to keep an open mind.

But I also do not believe in putting my children in daycare. If you are not willing to be the main financial support & treat me with respect even if I do not have an equivalent income, I'm out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attorney speaking. First five years for a new lawyer are critical. If she is working for a large firm, she will need to bill 2600 hours every year. That's 50 hours average every week. She will also be averaging another 10-15 hours per week every week. She will be working 10-12 hours a day every day, probably more. That's every day. She will buy new clothes because she will not have time to launder her current clothes. Think she is tired and stressed now? A junior associate at a law firm of any size will go 2-3 years without a day off, not even Christmas.
Unfortunately, from what you have described, she can either succeed as a lawyer or have a family. Sad but true.

That's simply not correct. I know young lawyers that establish themselves in the first year or two and then transfer to part-time, which delays their partnership track but allows them to have children. Some firms offer 4-6 months paid maternity leave. It all depends on what she wants.

There are also plenty of govt jobs that offer much more friendly hours.

[Anonymous]

Op, ignore the feminists on here who love bashing men. That’s why they’re single, divorced, or being cheated on. They hate their own lives and feel the needs to bash any successful man. You seem like a good catch. How much money do you make a year? How much in savings? If it’s high and you’re good looking, you shouldn’t have a pe Bowl with finding someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attorney speaking. First five years for a new lawyer are critical. If she is working for a large firm, she will need to bill 2600 hours every year. That's 50 hours average every week. She will also be averaging another 10-15 hours per week every week. She will be working 10-12 hours a day every day, probably more. That's every day. She will buy new clothes because she will not have time to launder her current clothes. Think she is tired and stressed now? A junior associate at a law firm of any size will go 2-3 years without a day off, not even Christmas.
Unfortunately, from what you have described, she can either succeed as a lawyer or have a family. Sad but true.

That's simply not correct. I know young lawyers that establish themselves in the first year or two and then transfer to part-time, which delays their partnership track but allows them to have children. Some firms offer 4-6 months paid maternity leave. It all depends on what she wants.

There are also plenty of govt jobs that offer much more friendly hours.

Not if she works for a large firm and seeks to become partner. Regardless of the idealism sold on various media, serious law firms do not have a part-time 'Mommy track' for junior associates.

If she desires to be a lawyer and not just a clerk, she will need to pay the price.

[Anonymous]

There are some angry people here. Back on topic.

It doesn't sound like you two are on same page with your life timeline. Granted, you two started dating around the holiday season so she might have been busier than usual.

Have you talked about exclusivity? If you're not exclusive, I would date other people. That way, you're still giving this person a chance if you really like her but you're not closing yourself off to possibilities that might be more compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, ignore the feminists on here who love bashing men. That’s why they’re single, divorced, or being cheated on. They hate their own lives and feel the needs to bash any successful man. You seem like a good catch. How much money do you make a year? How much in savings? If it’s high and you’re good looking, you shouldn’t have a pe Bowl with finding someone else.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some angry people here. Back on topic.

It doesn't sound like you two are on same page with your life timeline. Granted, you two started dating around the holiday season so she might have been busier than usual.

Have you talked about exclusivity? If you're not exclusive, I would date other people. That way, you're still giving this person a chance if you really like her but you're not closing yourself off to possibilities that might be more compatible.

I'm talking national firms....some of the biggest and the best. Do your research before you run your mouth. Trust me, it was popular lunchtime banter in less politically correct times at all male partner tables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some angry people here. Back on topic.

It doesn't sound like you two are on same page with your life timeline. Granted, you two started dating around the holiday season so she might have been busier than usual.

Have you talked about exclusivity? If you're not exclusive, I would date other people. That way, you're still giving this person a chance if you really like her but you're not closing yourself off to possibilities that might be more compatible.

I'm talking national firms....some of the biggest and the best. Do your research before you run your mouth. Trust me, it was popular lunchtime banter in less politically correct times at all male partner tables.

What are you discussing? National firms? Of what?