Dating A Woman in 30’s

[Anonymous]

She's 34! When she finishes she'll be 36! A year into her first job 37 or 38. Kids ain't happening for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's plenty of time to date in your 2L year. She's just not that into you.

+1

She has MUCH (much.) more free time and flexibility at this point than she will anytime in the next 5 years

[Anonymous]

You guys just started dating in December and she's supposed to be ready to stop her career plans, settle down with you and have babies just so you n keep up with your guy friends?

[Anonymous]

Also your title doesn't make sense. It's mean to bash and has nothing to do with the "problem" you present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started seeing a new woman in December that is still in school. At first it was fine, but it is taking a toll on me. We rarely see each other, and when we do, she is always too tired to do more than go to dinner and have sex. I love those things, but also want to do more with her. We both are looking for something serious, but I don’t know I how much more I can take. I am already accomplished and ready to settle down. I do like her a lot, but I think only seeing her 1-2 times a week is not enough to build anything serious. I feel like I am in a friends with benefits relationship, which is far from what I want at 35.

Have you suggested more meaningful activities? Factor in that December is crazy with holiday commitments and you probably didn't see much of eachother you've been dating for roughly 7 weeks. Seeing eachother twice a week is a reasonable amount of time and it sounds like you are having meaningful conversations in that time. Were you expecting an engagement and marriage within 6 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, she’s almost done. What, are you simply looking for a vessel to birth a child or something?

That was a mistake. She is in her second and has about 18 months left to go.

So you need to get married before 18 months from now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

Yeah you seem much more interesting in the idea of a family than the sacrifice of being with someone who maybe doesn't align exactly with the rosy picture you've painted in your head. Leave her be and try to find someone who just cares about having a family. There's a woman that posted about wanting to find site for those who want to be SAWHs, maybe you guys should get together!

You are very rude. If this was a woman who posted this, there would be 50 people telling her to leave the guy and find a more committed man. Why is it wrong when OP wants the same? Many men desire to have a family. There is nothing wrong with OP knowing what he wants and making that a priority. He has every right to happy life.

NP here but I would say the same thing about a woman. No one should get married and have kids to not be lonely and keep up with their friends.

[Anonymous]

I amused you guys are all encouraging OP to be the husband you complain about. The guy who really wanted marriage and kids so you had them and it was awesome, but then 5 years in you find out you were his second choice and he's still pining for this other woman and has contacted her on social media. He also wants his life back now that all his buddies are divorced and he spends too much time with his newly divorced best friend and not enough time with you and the kids he so desperately wanted and new it would make him happy. Too good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

Yeah you seem much more interesting in the idea of a family than the sacrifice of being with someone who maybe doesn't align exactly with the rosy picture you've painted in your head. Leave her be and try to find someone who just cares about having a family. There's a woman that posted about wanting to find site for those who want to be SAWHs, maybe you guys should get together!

You are very rude. If this was a woman who posted this, there would be 50 people telling her to leave the guy and find a more committed man. Why is it wrong when OP wants the same? Many men desire to have a family. There is nothing wrong with OP knowing what he wants and making that a priority. He has every right to happy life.

He absolutely does have a right to the life he wants. This woman is basically telling him that she doesn't want that. He needs to move on.

[Anonymous]

Op, it doesn't sound like she is exclusive with you. I am sure she is dating and having sex with other men. Women like this feel they have no obligation to be honest with men about their sex lives.

She's a user. Dump her.

[Anonymous]

Law school? She wants someone to help pay off those student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 34! When she finishes she'll be 36! A year into her first job 37 or 38. Kids ain't happening for her.

+1 OP, you sound ready for kids soon, but she’s not going to be in a place to even think about kids for a while. Once she graduates, she’ll be starting a new job and all that entails. The timing just may not be right.

You’re only two months in to the relationship, though - how do you know you’re even compatible for marriage and family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 34! When she finishes she'll be 36! A year into her first job 37 or 38. Kids ain't happening for her.

+1 OP, you sound ready for kids soon, but she’s not going to be in a place to even think about kids for a while. Once she graduates, she’ll be starting a new job and all that entails. The timing just may not be right.

You’re only two months in to the relationship, though - how do you know you’re even compatible for marriage and family?

From what I read from the OP he wasn't making that judgement on the relationship, he was judging the situation. She doesn't have time now, will she ever?

[Anonymous]

Op ~ speak to her. You wrote a good paragraph, now speak it. Convey your concerns, as just concerns, not a reason you'll no longer see her. Better to have an awkward conversation - that opens better communication - then to end something prematurely. And besides, you seem to want more closeness, more significance, right? It starts with sharing one's thoughts. Now it's quite possible you aren't a match. If you aren't don't blame it on her schedule or what she's willing to give. That will be enough for someone else. Nothing wrong with her. It just may not be right for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's plenty of time to date in your 2L year. She's just not that into you.

+1

She has MUCH (much.) more free time and flexibility at this point than she will anytime in the next 5 years

I disagree! Maybe she takes much more time to read and outline than you needed. I struggled my 2nd year.