Sidwell parents — is your child happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing about this thread is that those opposing sidwell like environments act as if all kids are the same. If your kid loves Burke or field then they may not like sidwell. Or if a kid is unhappy at a “sidwell like” school they may love Burke or field. But some kids do actually enjoy the challenge. They thrive off of it. Most kids are not like this, but if you do have a kid like this, they are the kind of kid who will be happy at a school like sidwell.

Agree. Some kids will get stressed out by the work, others will find ways to handle it. Know your kid, and don't be afraid to move if your kid isn't dealing well with the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about this thread is that those opposing sidwell like environments act as if all kids are the same. If your kid loves Burke or field then they may not like sidwell. Or if a kid is unhappy at a “sidwell like” school they may love Burke or field. But some kids do actually enjoy the challenge. They thrive off of it. Most kids are not like this, but if you do have a kid like this, they are the kind of kid who will be happy at a school like sidwell.

Agree. Some kids will get stressed out by the work, others will find ways to handle it. Know your kid, and don't be afraid to move if your kid isn't dealing well with the situation.

The false premise of many of the comments on this thread is that Sidwell is unique in the pressure placed on its student (by the school, by their parents, or by themselves). I have one kid at Sidwell, have had another at an MCPS magnet, and know several kids/families at other top private (St. Albany, GDS) and public (RM IB, Blair math-sci, TJ). ALL OF THESE SCHOOLS ARE CRAZY INTENSE. The pressure from the school in the form of tons of homework is generally worst at the public magnets - the pressure from families and students themselves varies, but I certainly don’t think Sidwell is any more of a pressure cooker than anywhere else on this score. The fact is that competition for admission to the most selective colleges is over the top - way, way worse than anything that my generation (eighties h.s grad) faced. You can argue that the focus on getting into the most selective schools is warped, and you might be right. The fact remains,however, that parents, students think this is extremely important, and that’s ultimately why the experience of attending these schools is what it is. The DC area in particular is full of overachiever, hyper ambitious parents who want their kids to be admitted to the most selective (and consequently most prestigious) colleges.

[Anonymous]

I just want my kid to go to Sidwell so that he is actually challenged. It’s what he wants too. It’s the education itself that matters to us, not college placement. I’ll be happy if he ends up at a college other than an Ivy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone even the smartest of the bunch have tutors to give them an edge. It’s a ridiculous environment to put a kid in. Even worse is it’s not so Quaker encouragement of rampant competition and self righteousness.

This is completely false. “Everyone has tutors”? My kid at Sidwlell does not have a tutor. My kid is also very happy there. I also love the parent community- warm , nice and supportive.

Also , noticed the negative comments are almost always from someone heard from a friend, etc. if you are not a parent, please do not spread hearsays here. You do not know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about this thread is that those opposing sidwell like environments act as if all kids are the same. If your kid loves Burke or field then they may not like sidwell. Or if a kid is unhappy at a “sidwell like” school they may love Burke or field. But some kids do actually enjoy the challenge. They thrive off of it. Most kids are not like this, but if you do have a kid like this, they are the kind of kid who will be happy at a school like sidwell.

Agree. Some kids will get stressed out by the work, others will find ways to handle it. Know your kid, and don't be afraid to move if your kid isn't dealing well with the situation.

The false premise of many of the comments on this thread is that Sidwell is unique in the pressure placed on its student (by the school, by their parents, or by themselves). I have one kid at Sidwell, have had another at an MCPS magnet, and know several kids/families at other top private (St. Albany, GDS) and public (RM IB, Blair math-sci, TJ). ALL OF THESE SCHOOLS ARE CRAZY INTENSE. The pressure from the school in the form of tons of homework is generally worst at the public magnets - the pressure from families and students themselves varies, but I certainly don’t think Sidwell is any more of a pressure cooker than anywhere else on this score. The fact is that competition for admission to the most selective colleges is over the top - way, way worse than anything that my generation (eighties h.s grad) faced. You can argue that the focus on getting into the most selective schools is warped, and you might be right. The fact remains,however, that parents, students think this is extremely important, and that’s ultimately why the experience of attending these schools is what it is. The DC area in particular is full of overachiever, hyper ambitious parents who want their kids to be admitted to the most selective (and consequently most prestigious) colleges.

As a parent of kids who have also been in privates and in public magnets, I agree with this. We also know kids at Sidwell, RMIB, Whitman, and a few Virginia publics. The academic pressure is crazy at all the top schools.

If you want to avoid the academic pressure, there are privates and publics (seek out certain programs in the down county consortium, for example) where your kid will get an excellent education but at a more forgiving pace. Perhaps not as many college doors will open, but for many these are better choices.

I do think there are other sorts of pressure, besides academic, at top private and public schools. The expectations may put pressure on kids—they got into this great private or they’re doing all APs at Churchill, so some kids think that if they don’t get onto an ivy, it’s because they blew their advantages. There may also be social pressures related to wealth and so on, although from our experience these social pressures aren’t a big deal at magnets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want my kid to go to Sidwell so that he is actually challenged. It’s what he wants too. It’s the education itself that matters to us, not college placement. I’ll be happy if he ends up at a college other than an Ivy.

This was why we chose Sidwell. Great decision for our DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about this thread is that those opposing sidwell like environments act as if all kids are the same. If your kid loves Burke or field then they may not like sidwell. Or if a kid is unhappy at a “sidwell like” school they may love Burke or field. But some kids do actually enjoy the challenge. They thrive off of it. Most kids are not like this, but if you do have a kid like this, they are the kind of kid who will be happy at a school like sidwell.

Agree. Some kids will get stressed out by the work, others will find ways to handle it. Know your kid, and don't be afraid to move if your kid isn't dealing well with the situation.

The false premise of many of the comments on this thread is that Sidwell is unique in the pressure placed on its student (by the school, by their parents, or by themselves). I have one kid at Sidwell, have had another at an MCPS magnet, and know several kids/families at other top private (St. Albany, GDS) and public (RM IB, Blair math-sci, TJ). ALL OF THESE SCHOOLS ARE CRAZY INTENSE. The pressure from the school in the form of tons of homework is generally worst at the public magnets - the pressure from families and students themselves varies, but I certainly don’t think Sidwell is any more of a pressure cooker than anywhere else on this score. The fact is that competition for admission to the most selective colleges is over the top - way, way worse than anything that my generation (eighties h.s grad) faced. You can argue that the focus on getting into the most selective schools is warped, and you might be right. The fact remains,however, that parents, students think this is extremely important, and that’s ultimately why the experience of attending these schools is what it is. The DC area in particular is full of overachiever, hyper ambitious parents who want their kids to be admitted to the most selective (and consequently most prestigious) colleges.

I completely agree. To pretend that Sidwell is uniquely challenging is downright ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life’s too short to put your kid through that pressure at such a young age. My friend interviews for Harvard and she says the Sidwell kids have not been very impressive particularly around a self congratulatory and entitled attitude.

“Interviews for Harvard.” What a joke. Speaking of self congratulatory.

I'm an alumni interviewer there as well. I get the Blair HS, Whitman HS and SFS kids.

I also have kids in private. Not going to say which one, but I understand OP's concern. The tutors, the parent tutoring, the parties, the wealth, and the sudden test/grade culture is ALL THESE SCHOOLS that starts in 9th grade is a tough one.
If you kid does not have study habits, homework regimes, time mgmt, and balance coming out of 8th grade whereever, buckle up.

That said, wonder how many kids like college way better than any of the beltway US or HS experiences?

I think we're in agreement that the grade 9-12 experience around here is lots of homework and internal and external pressures.

I recall our oldest saying he was thrilled to be at college because everyone stopped asking "what school he went to." which is a natural but annoying question for teenagers around here because so many in DC, MD, VA go to such a variety of private, catholic, magnet, neighborhood schools.

They'll be fine - it's really about the path, not the destination. a fulfilling and happy path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about this thread is that those opposing sidwell like environments act as if all kids are the same. If your kid loves Burke or field then they may not like sidwell. Or if a kid is unhappy at a “sidwell like” school they may love Burke or field. But some kids do actually enjoy the challenge. They thrive off of it. Most kids are not like this, but if you do have a kid like this, they are the kind of kid who will be happy at a school like sidwell.

Agree. Some kids will get stressed out by the work, others will find ways to handle it. Know your kid, and don't be afraid to move if your kid isn't dealing well with the situation.

The false premise of many of the comments on this thread is that Sidwell is unique in the pressure placed on its student (by the school, by their parents, or by themselves). I have one kid at Sidwell, have had another at an MCPS magnet, and know several kids/families at other top private (St. Albany, GDS) and public (RM IB, Blair math-sci, TJ). ALL OF THESE SCHOOLS ARE CRAZY INTENSE. The pressure from the school in the form of tons of homework is generally worst at the public magnets - the pressure from families and students themselves varies, but I certainly don’t think Sidwell is any more of a pressure cooker than anywhere else on this score. The fact is that competition for admission to the most selective colleges is over the top - way, way worse than anything that my generation (eighties h.s grad) faced. You can argue that the focus on getting into the most selective schools is warped, and you might be right. The fact remains,however, that parents, students think this is extremely important, and that’s ultimately why the experience of attending these schools is what it is. The DC area in particular is full of overachiever, hyper ambitious parents who want their kids to be admitted to the most selective (and consequently most prestigious) colleges.

I agree. For prospective parents, I think the important question is not “are most kids at Sidwell happy,” but “what kind of kids are happy at Sidwell, and is my kid that kind of kid?”

I think Sidwell (or GDS, or BCC, or TJ, or any of the other super high powered public or private schools on the area) would have made my kids miserable. They’re bright and creative but they aren’t very competitive and they don’t tend to enjoy super high pressure situations. We sent them to Burke, where they have been much more free to take classes just because they want to learn, try new things, sometimes do poorly at new things, and so on, without much anxiety about it. I recognize that our choices as parents may result in the kids not being as likely to get into a super-elite college as they would have been had we pushed them harder. But I also think they are having happier, saner childhoods as a result. If they end up at, i don’t know, Eevergreen State or whatever instead of Harvard I am okay with that, and have confidence that in the long run they will find different paths to success and happiness.

On the other hand, Field and Burke and the like send kids to elite colleges every year too, so maybe in the end they will end up in exactly the same place, but, I hope, less burned out than their peers from more high pressure high schools. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

If you are headed to Sidwell, just be prepared for hearing about social justice issues, over and over, all the time. It’s relentless. Everything has to have a message.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids at Sidwell. None of them has ever had a tutor, and they are all different kids. The closest we’ve come to tutoring is a speech therapist for my middle child. I would say my kids work hard, but no harder than I did at my New England public school. They’re getting much more in the way of critical thinking skills, though. I did more busy work. It’s definitely not competitive in the sense that they’re constantly FaceTiming with friends to study together or make outlines or whatever. They’re really happy, especially socially. They’re just normal kids with nice friends, not super popular but well adjusted. One of them went to public first and it’s been night and day. That said, my kids are self-motivated and we’re not the kind of parents who pile on the pressure. We don’t care where they go to college because we don’t think it’s critical to their future success. We do want them to be responsible and have a work ethic, and to figure out what they care about. In those domains, Sidwell has been great. They all have their “thing,” and their passions have come out of real connections with teachers/class content. I wish I had had a high school experience like that, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are headed to Sidwell, just be prepared for hearing about social justice issues, over and over, all the time. It’s relentless. Everything has to have a message.

Given our world and country, having a touchstone with tenets of Quakerism through social justice is part of the point of the school, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are headed to Sidwell, just be prepared for hearing about social justice issues, over and over, all the time. It’s relentless. Everything has to have a message.

This is true and to my DC, frankly, it's annoying. But take heart -- it's nowhere near as bad as it is at GDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are headed to Sidwell, just be prepared for hearing about social justice issues, over and over, all the time. It’s relentless. Everything has to have a message.

This is true and to my DC, frankly, it's annoying. But take heart -- it's nowhere near as bad as it is at GDS.

Serious question: We had good friends pull their kids out of GDS not b/c they have a social justice bent, but b/c on just about every social justice issue, they had a SPECIFIC bent. Instead of encouraging openness, it seemed to channel the students into one set of ways of talking about issues. I know Sidwell won’t have such a pronounced social justice bent as GDS, but whatever bent it has, is it specific? I’m actually quite supportive of being socially conscious and aware, and we are thinking of applying our DC to Sidwell next year. However, given that we were turned off by our friend’s experience at GDS w/r/t social justice thought-channeling, I thought I’d ask this about Sidwell. How much freedom is there to think about issues of social justice in a variety of (non-jerk) ways? And are students mostly happy, to take it back to OP, because they are given some freedom? Or is it not quite that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are headed to Sidwell, just be prepared for hearing about social justice issues, over and over, all the time. It’s relentless. Everything has to have a message.

This is true and to my DC, frankly, it's annoying. But take heart -- it's nowhere near as bad as it is at GDS.

Serious question: We had good friends pull their kids out of GDS not b/c they have a social justice bent, but b/c on just about every social justice issue, they had a SPECIFIC bent. Instead of encouraging openness, it seemed to channel the students into one set of ways of talking about issues. I know Sidwell won’t have such a pronounced social justice bent as GDS, but whatever bent it has, is it specific? I’m actually quite supportive of being socially conscious and aware, and we are thinking of applying our DC to Sidwell next year. However, given that we were turned off by our friend’s experience at GDS w/r/t social justice thought-channeling, I thought I’d ask this about Sidwell. How much freedom is there to think about issues of social justice in a variety of (non-jerk) ways? And are students mostly happy, to take it back to OP, because they are given some freedom? Or is it not quite that way?

I think it depends on your kid and how confident s/he is in his/ her thoughts and opinions, and how well they can be articulated.

We're a conservative family, both in a religious and political sense, and some of the things my DCs come home with from programs/ classroom conversations etc at SFS bring about, shall we say, interesting dinner conversation. But both of my kids insist that there are more conservative kids there than most people realize -- or at least, not as liberal as it may outwardly appear, and that the administration too often (in my opinion) promotes. The level of push-back varies, depending on the topic and the forum and situation - sometimes it's nothing more than eyerolling; sometimes my DCs really speak up. I have never heard that they were not fully respected for their opinions, as long as --again -- they can back them up with well-thought-out statements. That is one thing that I do appreciate about the school - being in the minority opinion forces them to really think about what they say and how they say it - and again, I've never heard about any repercussions.

Does that help?