Sidwell parents — is your child happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have many friends with kids at Sidwell and even the Sidwell boosters acknowledge that it can be a grind, with a lot of pressure on the kids. We discouraged our two from applying, for that reason: we have kids who do well academically but I just don't want them in that kind of hothouse environment.

Honestly though, we felt the same way about GDS, Maret and the Cathedral Schools, so in that sense I don't know that Sidwell is any "worse."

SFS parent and I agree with this. SFS is no better or worse on this front than any of the other top schools.

OP, you've gotten a good picture here. If you have a perfectionist kid, any of these schools will intensify that trait and thus may or may not be a good match, depending on what you want for your kid ultimately. My DC is anything but a perfectionist, especially when it comes to studies, and, ironically, is doing well at SFS, maybe because of that. Not top of the class by any means, but doing fine and is very happy there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have many friends with kids at Sidwell and even the Sidwell boosters acknowledge that it can be a grind, with a lot of pressure on the kids. We discouraged our two from applying, for that reason: we have kids who do well academically but I just don't want them in that kind of hothouse environment.

Honestly though, we felt the same way about GDS, Maret and the Cathedral Schools, so in that sense I don't know that Sidwell is any "worse."

SFS parent and I agree with this. SFS is no better or worse on this front than any of the other top schools.

OP, you've gotten a good picture here. If you have a perfectionist kid, any of these schools will intensify that trait and thus may or may not be a good match, depending on what you want for your kid ultimately. My DC is anything but a perfectionist, especially when it comes to studies, and, ironically, is doing well at SFS, maybe because of that. Not top of the class by any means, but doing fine and is very happy there.

I am happy to hear this. My DC is in 8th at one of these schools is not particularly worried about their academic performance and evaluation. DC does ok, and contributes very well to the school in other areas, but is not going to win any academic awards, so to speak. I do worry that DC might develop a sort of inferiority complex in HS though, as more high fliers are added.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have many friends with kids at Sidwell and even the Sidwell boosters acknowledge that it can be a grind, with a lot of pressure on the kids. We discouraged our two from applying, for that reason: we have kids who do well academically but I just don't want them in that kind of hothouse environment.

Honestly though, we felt the same way about GDS, Maret and the Cathedral Schools, so in that sense I don't know that Sidwell is any "worse."

SFS parent and I agree with this. SFS is no better or worse on this front than any of the other top schools.

OP, you've gotten a good picture here. If you have a perfectionist kid, any of these schools will intensify that trait and thus may or may not be a good match, depending on what you want for your kid ultimately. My DC is anything but a perfectionist, especially when it comes to studies, and, ironically, is doing well at SFS, maybe because of that. Not top of the class by any means, but doing fine and is very happy there.

I am happy to hear this. My DC is in 8th at one of these schools is not particularly worried about their academic performance and evaluation. DC does ok, and contributes very well to the school in other areas, but is not going to win any academic awards, so to speak. I do worry that DC might develop a sort of inferiority complex in HS though, as more high fliers are added.

This is the reason we did not want our kids at any of these schools (Sidwell, GDS, Cathedral, Maret). We worried that one of two things would happen: either DCs would remain their sweet, balanced selves, working hard but not to the point of fatigue or burnout, but would start feeling like second class citizens at schools that value the super high fliers more than the bright, creative but not turbo-charged kids, or else DCs, not wanting to feel like second class citizens, would knock themselves out to become super high fliers, with a resulting toll on sleep, balance, and general mental health.

We didn't think either outcome sounded appealing so we focused on the good-but-not-quite-so-high-pressure schools (Burke, Field, St Andrews etc.), which have worked well for our kids. They do well in school, work hard but not crazy hard, and seem to be pretty sane, relaxed people. We figure they have their whole adult lives to work under pressure: no need to make their teen years more miserable than teen years tend to be regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our dc loves it and doesn't want to leave. the community of kids/classmates and families is wonderful. it's very rigorous and the demands build as kids get ready to transition to high school (for example, in 8th grade a 10 page research paper in history with thesis, formal biblio, cites etc). it seems like a lot of work to me, but apparently it prepares them well for high school. no tutor for our dc and don't hear much about them. our dc loves sports, arts and social, and so for him, life will stay balanced because he likes and needs the mix. but that also means he won't be the highest academic achiever in the class which is ok with him. my sense is that if your child is a perfectionist and really needs perfect scores on everything, that could make for some unhappiness because it will be a big grind (ie there are kids who will study over 10 hours for a history test--in 8th grade). these kids are so talented, but also really nice and interesting and supportive.

I’m not trying to be snarky, I promise. I am genuinely curious. Has homework and expectations changed significantly since we were coming of age (I was in MS and HS in the 90s). I went to a normal public school. 10 page research papers with bibliography, citations, etc. were PAR FOR THE COURSE. My eighth grade year, we had to stage a full debate, complete with a fully-cited argument submission (around 15 pages). I absolutely want my child to have fun in life—life is long, childhood is short—but this doesn’t strike me as unusually rigorous, or even rigorous. Have things changed? Is there more information I need to know? We are considering applying next year but had worried about the “pressure cooker” element. The tutoring for every child I’ve heard and sounds awful. But the workload? If this is it, then I’m stressing about nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our dc loves it and doesn't want to leave. the community of kids/classmates and families is wonderful. it's very rigorous and the demands build as kids get ready to transition to high school (for example, in 8th grade a 10 page research paper in history with thesis, formal biblio, cites etc). it seems like a lot of work to me, but apparently it prepares them well for high school. no tutor for our dc and don't hear much about them. our dc loves sports, arts and social, and so for him, life will stay balanced because he likes and needs the mix. but that also means he won't be the highest academic achiever in the class which is ok with him. my sense is that if your child is a perfectionist and really needs perfect scores on everything, that could make for some unhappiness because it will be a big grind (ie there are kids who will study over 10 hours for a history test--in 8th grade). these kids are so talented, but also really nice and interesting and supportive.

I’m not trying to be snarky, I promise. I am genuinely curious. Has homework and expectations changed significantly since we were coming of age (I was in MS and HS in the 90s). I went to a normal public school. 10 page research papers with bibliography, citations, etc. were PAR FOR THE COURSE. My eighth grade year, we had to stage a full debate, complete with a fully-cited argument submission (around 15 pages). I absolutely want my child to have fun in life—life is long, childhood is short—but this doesn’t strike me as unusually rigorous, or even rigorous. Have things changed? Is there more information I need to know? We are considering applying next year but had worried about the “pressure cooker” element. The tutoring for every child I’ve heard and sounds awful. But the workload? If this is it, then I’m stressing about nothing.

Past poster here with kid in MS at SFS. I think this is a really good point.

I attended an independent school in another part of the country in the late '80s/ early '90s. I remember a lot of writing and project work back then - definitely, we were doing 10+ page research papers if not by MS, at least by HS. But this kind of thing does seem to be noteworthy now. I think the biggest comparison is against public schools, where this much writing is not done as much, because of the number of kids in the classes. It takes a lot of time and effort on a teacher's part to grade essays and research papers.

What I find appealing in this area about SFS MS is that there is a strong and consistent emphasis on developing writing skills in history, English and even science, to a certain degree. The kids write a LOT. There is this one large research paper but many other shorter papers/ essays as homework and in class given throughout the year, in multiple subjects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have many friends with kids at Sidwell and even the Sidwell boosters acknowledge that it can be a grind, with a lot of pressure on the kids. We discouraged our two from applying, for that reason: we have kids who do well academically but I just don't want them in that kind of hothouse environment.

Honestly though, we felt the same way about GDS, Maret and the Cathedral Schools, so in that sense I don't know that Sidwell is any "worse."

SFS parent and I agree with this. SFS is no better or worse on this front than any of the other top schools.

OP, you've gotten a good picture here. If you have a perfectionist kid, any of these schools will intensify that trait and thus may or may not be a good match, depending on what you want for your kid ultimately. My DC is anything but a perfectionist, especially when it comes to studies, and, ironically, is doing well at SFS, maybe because of that. Not top of the class by any means, but doing fine and is very happy there.

I am happy to hear this. My DC is in 8th at one of these schools is not particularly worried about their academic performance and evaluation. DC does ok, and contributes very well to the school in other areas, but is not going to win any academic awards, so to speak. I do worry that DC might develop a sort of inferiority complex in HS though, as more high fliers are added.

This is the reason we did not want our kids at any of these schools (Sidwell, GDS, Cathedral, Maret). We worried that one of two things would happen: either DCs would remain their sweet, balanced selves, working hard but not to the point of fatigue or burnout, but would start feeling like second class citizens at schools that value the super high fliers more than the bright, creative but not turbo-charged kids, or else DCs, not wanting to feel like second class citizens, would knock themselves out to become super high fliers, with a resulting toll on sleep, balance, and general mental health.

We didn't think either outcome sounded appealing so we focused on the good-but-not-quite-so-high-pressure schools (Burke, Field, St Andrews etc.), which have worked well for our kids. They do well in school, work hard but not crazy hard, and seem to be pretty sane, relaxed people. We figure they have their whole adult lives to work under pressure: no need to make their teen years more miserable than teen years tend to be regardless.

Wish I'd had this advice before our two oldest kids started at SFS. It took us till the third kid to figure out that the education at the less intense schools is just as good, but without the pressure-cooker atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wish I'd had this advice before our two oldest kids started at SFS. It took us till the third kid to figure out that the education at the less intense schools is just as good, but without the pressure-cooker atmosphere.

Curious to hear more on this. Are you specifically referring to the high school years, or middle and high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone even the smartest of the bunch have tutors to give them an edge. It’s a ridiculous environment to put a kid in. Even worse is it’s not so Quaker encouragement of rampant competition and self righteousness.

I am the PP with two kids. Neither has ever had a tutor. Not once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have many friends with kids at Sidwell and even the Sidwell boosters acknowledge that it can be a grind, with a lot of pressure on the kids. We discouraged our two from applying, for that reason: we have kids who do well academically but I just don't want them in that kind of hothouse environment.

Honestly though, we felt the same way about GDS, Maret and the Cathedral Schools, so in that sense I don't know that Sidwell is any "worse."

SFS parent and I agree with this. SFS is no better or worse on this front than any of the other top schools.

OP, you've gotten a good picture here. If you have a perfectionist kid, any of these schools will intensify that trait and thus may or may not be a good match, depending on what you want for your kid ultimately. My DC is anything but a perfectionist, especially when it comes to studies, and, ironically, is doing well at SFS, maybe because of that. Not top of the class by any means, but doing fine and is very happy there.

I am happy to hear this. My DC is in 8th at one of these schools is not particularly worried about their academic performance and evaluation. DC does ok, and contributes very well to the school in other areas, but is not going to win any academic awards, so to speak. I do worry that DC might develop a sort of inferiority complex in HS though, as more high fliers are added.

This is the reason we did not want our kids at any of these schools (Sidwell, GDS, Cathedral, Maret). We worried that one of two things would happen: either DCs would remain their sweet, balanced selves, working hard but not to the point of fatigue or burnout, but would start feeling like second class citizens at schools that value the super high fliers more than the bright, creative but not turbo-charged kids, or else DCs, not wanting to feel like second class citizens, would knock themselves out to become super high fliers, with a resulting toll on sleep, balance, and general mental health.

We didn't think either outcome sounded appealing so we focused on the good-but-not-quite-so-high-pressure schools (Burke, Field, St Andrews etc.), which have worked well for our kids. They do well in school, work hard but not crazy hard, and seem to be pretty sane, relaxed people. We figure they have their whole adult lives to work under pressure: no need to make their teen years more miserable than teen years tend to be regardless.

Wish I'd had this advice before our two oldest kids started at SFS. It took us till the third kid to figure out that the education at the less intense schools is just as good, but without the pressure-cooker atmosphere.

True, but you also don't get the brand name, and you're paying just as much for the product.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I'd had this advice before our two oldest kids started at SFS. It took us till the third kid to figure out that the education at the less intense schools is just as good, but without the pressure-cooker atmosphere.

True, but you also don't get the brand name, and you're paying just as much for the product.

If you get the same education without the stress, isn't worth paying the same amount?

[Anonymous]

^ sorry, meant "isn't that worth"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our dc loves it and doesn't want to leave. the community of kids/classmates and families is wonderful. it's very rigorous and the demands build as kids get ready to transition to high school (for example, in 8th grade a 10 page research paper in history with thesis, formal biblio, cites etc). it seems like a lot of work to me, but apparently it prepares them well for high school. no tutor for our dc and don't hear much about them. our dc loves sports, arts and social, and so for him, life will stay balanced because he likes and needs the mix. but that also means he won't be the highest academic achiever in the class which is ok with him. my sense is that if your child is a perfectionist and really needs perfect scores on everything, that could make for some unhappiness because it will be a big grind (ie there are kids who will study over 10 hours for a history test--in 8th grade). these kids are so talented, but also really nice and interesting and supportive.

I’m not trying to be snarky, I promise. I am genuinely curious. Has homework and expectations changed significantly since we were coming of age (I was in MS and HS in the 90s). I went to a normal public school. 10 page research papers with bibliography, citations, etc. were PAR FOR THE COURSE. My eighth grade year, we had to stage a full debate, complete with a fully-cited argument submission (around 15 pages). I absolutely want my child to have fun in life—life is long, childhood is short—but this doesn’t strike me as unusually rigorous, or even rigorous. Have things changed? Is there more information I need to know? We are considering applying next year but had worried about the “pressure cooker” element. The tutoring for every child I’ve heard and sounds awful. But the workload? If this is it, then I’m stressing about nothing.

Past poster here with kid in MS at SFS. I think this is a really good point.

I attended an independent school in another part of the country in the late '80s/ early '90s. I remember a lot of writing and project work back then - definitely, we were doing 10+ page research papers if not by MS, at least by HS. But this kind of thing does seem to be noteworthy now. I think the biggest comparison is against public schools, where this much writing is not done as much, because of the number of kids in the classes. It takes a lot of time and effort on a teacher's part to grade essays and research papers.

What I find appealing in this area about SFS MS is that there is a strong and consistent emphasis on developing writing skills in history, English and even science, to a certain degree. The kids write a LOT. There is this one large research paper but many other shorter papers/ essays as homework and in class given throughout the year, in multiple subjects.

Thank you for your reply. I love the emphasis on writing, and perhaps I was lucky that I got so much in a public MS in the 90s, or perhaps things really have changed, as a relative matter, between public and private. That is a shame. I was writing chemistry lab reports in seventh, history reports, book reports, weekly essays—can’t remember a time I wasn’t writing! Maybe I’m biased, but given what I do for a living, I’m glad I had all that “training.” By implication, it seems that SFS teachers are very good about providing feedback on the writing? Looking back, I owe a debt of gratitude to those tireless teachers who commented on every single essay. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our dc loves it and doesn't want to leave. the community of kids/classmates and families is wonderful. it's very rigorous and the demands build as kids get ready to transition to high school (for example, in 8th grade a 10 page research paper in history with thesis, formal biblio, cites etc). it seems like a lot of work to me, but apparently it prepares them well for high school. no tutor for our dc and don't hear much about them. our dc loves sports, arts and social, and so for him, life will stay balanced because he likes and needs the mix. but that also means he won't be the highest academic achiever in the class which is ok with him. my sense is that if your child is a perfectionist and really needs perfect scores on everything, that could make for some unhappiness because it will be a big grind (ie there are kids who will study over 10 hours for a history test--in 8th grade). these kids are so talented, but also really nice and interesting and supportive.

I’m not trying to be snarky, I promise. I am genuinely curious. Has homework and expectations changed significantly since we were coming of age (I was in MS and HS in the 90s). I went to a normal public school. 10 page research papers with bibliography, citations, etc. were PAR FOR THE COURSE. My eighth grade year, we had to stage a full debate, complete with a fully-cited argument submission (around 15 pages). I absolutely want my child to have fun in life—life is long, childhood is short—but this doesn’t strike me as unusually rigorous, or even rigorous. Have things changed? Is there more information I need to know? We are considering applying next year but had worried about the “pressure cooker” element. The tutoring for every child I’ve heard and sounds awful. But the workload? If this is it, then I’m stressing about nothing.

Past poster here with kid in MS at SFS. I think this is a really good point.

I attended an independent school in another part of the country in the late '80s/ early '90s. I remember a lot of writing and project work back then - definitely, we were doing 10+ page research papers if not by MS, at least by HS. But this kind of thing does seem to be noteworthy now. I think the biggest comparison is against public schools, where this much writing is not done as much, because of the number of kids in the classes. It takes a lot of time and effort on a teacher's part to grade essays and research papers.

What I find appealing in this area about SFS MS is that there is a strong and consistent emphasis on developing writing skills in history, English and even science, to a certain degree. The kids write a LOT. There is this one large research paper but many other shorter papers/ essays as homework and in class given throughout the year, in multiple subjects.

Thank you for your reply. I love the emphasis on writing, and perhaps I was lucky that I got so much in a public MS in the 90s, or perhaps things really have changed, as a relative matter, between public and private. That is a shame. I was writing chemistry lab reports in seventh, history reports, book reports, weekly essays—can’t remember a time I wasn’t writing! Maybe I’m biased, but given what I do for a living, I’m glad I had all that “training.” By implication, it seems that SFS teachers are very good about providing feedback on the writing? Looking back, I owe a debt of gratitude to those tireless teachers who commented on every single essay. Wow.

I agree. I am also a proponent of a curriculum that emphasizes the technique of writing. It is a skill like any other - there are right ways and wrong ways to do it, and it must be taught and practiced to be mastered. It is not something that is just absorbed naturally. Good feedback is essential. I can promise you with first hand authority that the teachers at SFS are committed to this and yes, they work individually with students to teach them to be good writers. My DC gets papers back that look like they've been bled on, there is so much red ink!

[Anonymous]

This sounds very sad - what kind of childhood are these kids having? 4 hours of homework a night! Please stop this madness. At my Ivy (Princeton) the public school kids were just as prepared if not more then the kids who went to boarding schools or the Sidwells....you may not want to hear this but the private school crew were a lot more into the harder partying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I'd had this advice before our two oldest kids started at SFS. It took us till the third kid to figure out that the education at the less intense schools is just as good, but without the pressure-cooker atmosphere.

True, but you also don't get the brand name, and you're paying just as much for the product.

If you get the same education without the stress, isn't worth paying the same amount?

Not to me, no. The name of the school is something the kids will carry with them throughout life.