what would you do if a nurse patted your child on the butt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was your kid fussing or scared? Sounds like a diversionary tactic to calm a kid down. Presuming the kid was clothed, you were right there and he involved you.

+ 1.

If the kid was not clothed, the mom was not there, or he did not involve the mom, I would be concerned. However, I am the sort of person who would have called the person on it right there and then. something like - 'You are a friendly guy, but because you are a guy and because people can misconstrue your motives, I will advice that you never clown around with your patients like this. It is a sad state of affairs that people are so suspicious but you need to protect yourself.'

I certainly would not have come back to DCUM to wonder if this was ok or not.

OP here. I am that kind of person who is direct with people too. He patted my child on the butt and walked out quickly and shut the exam room door. I would have had to chase him down the hall. Which would have been awkward perhaps for my kid. I still wish that I had, it would have been less awkward all around . Instead I am playing phone tag with the manager of the practice.

[Anonymous]

I bet he meant to pat his side and either you misconstrued or he was slightly lower than intended. Unless he cusped your kid’s butt, I can pretty much guarantee this will die from initial inquiry with the nurse (“I patted his side, not his butt.”) Done.

[Anonymous]

Was it like patting on the butt like they do in baseball? I would not have a problem with that. If it was anything else then it would be weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet he meant to pat his side and either you misconstrued or he was slightly lower than intended. Unless he cusped your kid’s butt, I can pretty much guarantee this will die from initial inquiry with the nurse (“I patted his side, not his butt.”) Done.

NP. That has actually happened to me twice! My husband could have sworn a coworker touched my behind once at a work party. It was my hip and part of a normal hug. A friend once thought I slapped another guy’s behind but I actually patted his waist mid-joking/laughing about something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it like patting on the butt like they do in baseball? I would not have a problem with that. If it was anything else then it would be weird.

Patting on the butt in baseball IS weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Fully clothed. My kid went for an EAr nose and throat problem. The appointment was over. My
Child had not fussed. How does touching someone on the butt calm them down? Strange line of thinking there.

I wasn't one of those posters but obviously they meant the joking around part of it, not the actual touching of your kid's butt. You are clearly bothered by the interaction, so you should report it.

I was the first one who asked clothed or not clothed. And yes...I meant the joking around part. I guess the Nassar thing has made people a little more freaked out than normal b/c the parents WERE sometimes in the room and still had no idea that Nassar was doing something inappropriate because he passed it off as a legit procedure so that they would feel really stupid or creepy for objecting.

But I guess I don't see where this male nurse crossed that kind of line. It's obvious to me that it bothers you (and many others on the thread), but I don't get where this is an "OMG YOU MUST REPORT HIM!" moment because some people will just view the situation as him clowning around. He wasn't massaging him or "grooming" him...it wasn't a "building trust" thing...it was a silly, make-you-laugh goofball thing. At least, that's how I would have seen it. (For the record, I still would have been irritated but not really due to the location of the pat...I would have been irritated mostly because I always HATED that kind of "make me feel stupid" pranks.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it like patting on the butt like they do in baseball? I would not have a problem with that. If it was anything else then it would be weird.

Patting on the butt in baseball IS weird.

But not even remotely sexual or “grooming.”

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was really close - my child was standing right next to me and I had a good view of where the hand went. I asked my son “did he just touch you on your butt?” My son said “yes”. I said “did he have your consent to touch you there?... It is okay to say ‘no’ when people touch your body, they should have consent.” And then my son changed the subject and we moved on.

But yes, I saw what I saw. Could it have been a mistake and he meant to touch my son’s hip? Perhaps - would that have been weird still? Maybe.

As for the overall feeling at the practice - this behavior feels like an outlier. In the past when they had to examine my children - and examine their private parts - they always explain “I am going to look under your underwear. This is part of the medical exam to make sure everything is healthy. It is your body and you are in control of your body. It is only okay for me to look there if you and your parents give me permission because it is for your medical exam and because your parents are right here. Is it okay if I examine you?”

[Anonymous]

Another angle for those who think it is no problem or a joke or like baseball pats, would you have been okay with the nurse patting you on the butt? After getting examined for an ear ache?

If you are okay with a kid getting patted, but you would not be okay getting patted yourself, what age is the cut off between okay and unwelcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another angle for those who think it is no problem or a joke or like baseball pats, would you have been okay with the nurse patting you on the butt? After getting examined for an ear ache?

If you are okay with a kid getting patted, but you would not be okay getting patted yourself, what age is the cut off between okay and unwelcome?

So exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really close - my child was standing right next to me and I had a good view of where the hand went. I asked my son “did he just touch you on your butt?” My son said “yes”. I said “did he have your consent to touch you there?... It is okay to say ‘no’ when people touch your body, they should have consent.” And then my son changed the subject and we moved on.

But yes, I saw what I saw. Could it have been a mistake and he meant to touch my son’s hip? Perhaps - would that have been weird still? Maybe.

As for the overall feeling at the practice - this behavior feels like an outlier. In the past when they had to examine my children - and examine their private parts - they always explain “I am going to look under your underwear. This is part of the medical exam to make sure everything is healthy. It is your body and you are in control of your body. It is only okay for me to look there if you and your parents give me permission because it is for your medical exam and because your parents are right here. Is it okay if I examine you?”

You said this right then -- like in front of the guy?? You didn't mention this before. If so -- the guy is totally expecting that you're pissed and you should go right ahead and tell his manager. (Though if I'm reading this wrong - tell the manager anyway, who cares what this guy is/isn't expecting.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really close - my child was standing right next to me and I had a good view of where the hand went. I asked my son “did he just touch you on your butt?” My son said “yes”. I said “did he have your consent to touch you there?... It is okay to say ‘no’ when people touch your body, they should have consent.” And then my son changed the subject and we moved on.

But yes, I saw what I saw. Could it have been a mistake and he meant to touch my son’s hip? Perhaps - would that have been weird still? Maybe.

As for the overall feeling at the practice - this behavior feels like an outlier. In the past when they had to examine my children - and examine their private parts - they always explain “I am going to look under your underwear. This is part of the medical exam to make sure everything is healthy. It is your body and you are in control of your body. It is only okay for me to look there if you and your parents give me permission because it is for your medical exam and because your parents are right here. Is it okay if I examine you?”

You said this right then -- like in front of the guy?? You didn't mention this before. If so -- the guy is totally expecting that you're pissed and you should go right ahead and tell his manager. (Though if I'm reading this wrong - tell the manager anyway, who cares what this guy is/isn't expecting.)

Not in front of the nurse. He patted then walked out of the room.

[Anonymous]

Male nurses make me moderately queasy in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male nurse who works in pediatrics: report it. It might be playing around or it could be something else, but appropriate it wasn’t. When I’m with a patient I’m usually talking a lot both small talk & explaining what I’m doing, so when there is physical contact the child (and the parent) knows what’s happening & why. Sorry, that type of surprises aren’t part of the way I work (or most other nurses.)

NP but thank you for providing your perspective. At first, I thought everyone here was overreacting but now I'm thinking more about grooming and professional demeanor, and I agree.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Report back.

Spoke with the manager. She sounded glad I called and said that it was not approporate of the nurse. She was going to counsel the nurse and the nurse’s supervisor on boundaries around touch. And how to provide friendly welcoming care while still respecting aproporiate boundaries. No one is losing their job! And lessons are being learned. Glad I reported it.

Thanks for your feedback.