Starting to think about college for our gifted kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are putting a lot of eggs in one basket if you count on her sailing though school and getting a scholarship. Here's a partial list of things that can go wrong:

* she gets sick
* you get sick
* she does drugs
* she underachieves because she feels like it (or maybe because of the pressure of being the kid you didn't save for)
* she develops some emotional or psychiatric issue that makes school success difficult and life expensive.
* she is gifted, but prefers sports or painting
* the political climate makes merit money less available.
* she gets a free-ride at A but you prefer school B

Just worry about developing who she is and continue to save.

I don't know what will happen exactly, but I can be sure she will surprise you and not always in a good way. I know this because that's what teens do.

+1

My highly gifted college sophomore struggled during high school and had an ok GPA, nothing to write home about. DC is at a CTCL school which is the perfect fit for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to read through the whole thread so sorry if this is repetitive. But I would not worry about developing a good “work ethic” too much at this point. Elementary school homework is often profoundly boring for the gifted and forcing them to do it may just make them burn out or turn off school. Focus on the assignments that are inherently challenging (Like writing a biography) and ignore the stuff that is just busy work for them. Focus on encouraging and feeding heir interests and also try to encourage the thinking that a challenge is good, and of something is hard, hat just means it’s more interesting. Most gifted kids skate through early elementary and then when they get to something they actually need to learn, they get frustrated quickly because they’ve never had to actually try to learn something. Focus on feeding their passion for learning and curiosity—I think that’s worth investing some of your income there (so if they are passionate about archaeology, take them to Jamestown and, if you’ve got the cash, Italy. Or at least take them to the museums downtown and hit the library to find books on that topic.)

Also, I actually don’t think mediocre grades in hS are the end of the world. A lot of gifted kids are really bored by many HS classes so they check out. In college, they can find more challenging classes that are in tune with their interests and then real bloom and end up at a great graduate school. Sometimes the kids that are more focused on getting across the board A’s and being “well rounded” for college applications never really find their passion. That was sort of me. I went to a top college, did great, but never really focused in on what I love. I’ve got a fine career, but I know others that did much worse in HS that have careers they really love.

I really disagree with the bolded statement. First, if the assignments are ridiculously easy, then they can be polished off quickly and accurately and kid can move on to other things. The “that’s beneath you”/“ignore the boring stuff” attitude is really damaging in the long run for a host of reasons. By contrast, developing speed and accuracy wrt rote tasks is quite useful. Secondly, the boring vs inherently challenging distinction removes the kid’s agency. It’s worth recognizing, from an early age, that you can raise the bar yourself. Finding what’s interesting and learning how to engage/motivate yourself are important life skills.

For what it's worth - I agree with you. At one point I went to my kid's first grade class where I know some other mom thought her kid was "above" the work they were doing. I saw plenty of examples where the prompt was open ended. For example, a center with the activity of coming up with words that end in -an. So some kids were doing words like "man, tan" but even *I* could have challenged myself there to come up with different words like catamaran, marzipan, etc. I think it's all how you look at it.

[Anonymous]

I gently suggest this is way too premature if your child is only in 3rd grade right now. As long as you save for college, you have many years ahead of you to research the strategy to apply, if not quite the same length of time as other families. As others have said, your profoundly gifted child will VERY LIKELY have strong views on where she wants to go and what she wants to learn, so your choices will narrow in a very organic and natural way. Gifted children often want to be at the top of their field, which generally requires a PhD and therefore you also need to keep in mind that the goal is getting into grad school, unless it's Juilliard or some specialized conservatory.

Gifted kids often face a set of issues that normal kids don't. For example, if gifted kids go to college early, there are safety worries about accommodation, transportation and socialization. A certain number of such children wait before going to college for that reason, or start off at a college near their home. You could also think about moving, but only if you are assured that your child will get in!

There can also be communication, socialization and self-esteem issues. This is really what you should be focusing on if your child is 9! Teach them to not get impatient when others are slow, teach them to wait, be courteous, etc. It can be very hard and draining. Finding like-minded friends is really hard as well, so enrolling them in a gifted program is crucial, and even then, there will be a huge range of IQs and abilities there. MCPS has magnet schools for elementary, middle and high schools. I believe there may be camps for gifted children, as well as online forums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to read through the whole thread so sorry if this is repetitive. But I would not worry about developing a good “work ethic” too much at this point. Elementary school homework is often profoundly boring for the gifted and forcing them to do it may just make them burn out or turn off school. Focus on the assignments that are inherently challenging (Like writing a biography) and ignore the stuff that is just busy work for them. Focus on encouraging and feeding heir interests and also try to encourage the thinking that a challenge is good, and of something is hard, hat just means it’s more interesting. Most gifted kids skate through early elementary and then when they get to something they actually need to learn, they get frustrated quickly because they’ve never had to actually try to learn something. Focus on feeding their passion for learning and curiosity—I think that’s worth investing some of your income there (so if they are passionate about archaeology, take them to Jamestown and, if you’ve got the cash, Italy. Or at least take them to the museums downtown and hit the library to find books on that topic.)

Also, I actually don’t think mediocre grades in hS are the end of the world. A lot of gifted kids are really bored by many HS classes so they check out. In college, they can find more challenging classes that are in tune with their interests and then real bloom and end up at a great graduate school. Sometimes the kids that are more focused on getting across the board A’s and being “well rounded” for college applications never really find their passion. That was sort of me. I went to a top college, did great, but never really focused in on what I love. I’ve got a fine career, but I know others that did much worse in HS that have careers they really love.

I really disagree with the bolded statement. First, if the assignments are ridiculously easy, then they can be polished off quickly and accurately and kid can move on to other things. The “that’s beneath you”/“ignore the boring stuff” attitude is really damaging in the long run for a host of reasons. By contrast, developing speed and accuracy wrt rote tasks is quite useful. Secondly, the boring vs inherently challenging distinction removes the kid’s agency. It’s worth recognizing, from an early age, that you can raise the bar yourself. Finding what’s interesting and learning how to engage/motivate yourself are important life skills.

For what it's worth - I agree with you. At one point I went to my kid's first grade class where I know some other mom thought her kid was "above" the work they were doing. I saw plenty of examples where the prompt was open ended. For example, a center with the activity of coming up with words that end in -an. So some kids were doing words like "man, tan" but even *I* could have challenged myself there to come up with different words like catamaran, marzipan, etc. I think it's all how you look at it.

YES!! I was imagining the boring noun lecture and thinking about how I’d respond to it and my approach was very similar to yours. I’d have started by thinking of a noun that started with each letter of the alphabet. If I finished that and the teacher was still talking, I’d have gone for 3 nouns (a person, a place, and a thing) or the longest noun word I could think of for each letter. And if the teacher suspected that my attention was wandering and asked what I was doing, then I could have given an honest answer that didn’t seem disrespectful. And a good teacher might have encouraged the class to play along. (Because, yeah, as a PP suggested, listening to someone talk about nouns for an hour would be boring for kids at all levels of noun-awareness or IQ).

As a kid, I used to think a lot about how they were teaching/testing things and whether there would be better ways to do it. Once I noticed that the standardized math tests we were given annually seemed to be looking for the same set of errors (e.g. failure to borrow or carry, wrong operation, and wrong decimal place). So I tried choosing the answer by comparing the choices without even looking at the question and then went back and did the problem the right way to see if my cheaty way worked. (It did, LOL!)

The thing about being a pg kid is that your out-of-syncness won’t end with school, so learning to entertain and challenge yourself really pays off.

[Anonymous]

My extremely gifted son skipped a grade and is thriving in middle school. He's not having social or academic problems, and he'll study abroad for a gap year before going to college so that he's 18 when he starts. He knows he's gifted (we have gifted programming here and all the kids know who's gifted/high achiever and who's not) and it's a part of his identity. We wouldn't want an exceptional athlete, musician or artist to hide their talent, so why should we expect gifted kids not to embrace that aspect of themselves. We've had a ton of talks about how different people learn things at different paces and just because academics come easily to him, it's not something that he's accomplished, nor does it make him better than anyone in any way. I praise true accomplishments - such as completing homework to the best of his ability, taking pride in always doing his personal best, and engaging in the learning process, even if it's uncomfortable or even difficult.

I do make sure he's well rounded. He plays an instrument and plays a travel sport and has been exposed to other sports. We do a lot of cultural enrichment as well.

[Anonymous]

It's important to teach a profoundly gifted child how to handle failure, how to manage large amounts of work, and how not to panic when they encounter something that is at once surprisingly difficult and uninteresting. Make them do things that demonstrate how hard work makes for improvement over time.

These are the issues I struggled with once I went off to college.

[Anonymous]

You are way, way too far ahead of yourself here. I have two teens. Both were tested with the WISC IV for a gifted program in 2nd grade. One scored a 148 and one scored a 157. I was told that our public school GT wouldn't be enough, and that private was unlikely enough. I was encouraged to homeschool or seek private teachers. I found that one was quite happy and challenged in our public GT program. The other did well in a small private K-8.

They're both in high school now. One is a junior and is taking all honors and AP classes and making an A-/B+ average, and can't seem to break into the 30s on the ACT. He works so hard and just can't seem to do very well. The other is a freshman in all honors and is making straight As so far. He is unmotivated and likely to hit a wall at some point.

Believe it or not, the struggling junior is the 157. IQ is only one factor and will only get you so far, and you have no idea what other factors and other facets of your child's personality will come into play. There is no reason to expect that your kid will have a shot at top colleges any more than you would assume that about any child.

Let your kid be a kid, make sure to support curiosities and never force academics.

Revisit the topic after freshman year and then you can start thinking about where your kid may be headed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure her work ethic remains strong as she continues through schooling. Getting good merit aid comes down to class rank, GPA, and test scores. You cannot report an IQ score to get merit scholarships. As a GT student she'll likely excel at standardized testing, but it'll be the atmosphere you create for her at home that will determine her motivation to excel. I know too many extremely bright students who found high school to be above them and did not give it much effort. They got close to perfect scores on the SAT, but their GPA was far too low for any top university (let alone merit aid).

This.

HYP + Stanford do not award merit scholarships, OP. Any aid your student gets at those schools will be need-based. Focus on what the PP said above.

Was the WISC-V used for testing your DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are way, way too far ahead of yourself here. I have two teens. Both were tested with the WISC IV for a gifted program in 2nd grade. One scored a 148 and one scored a 157. I was told that our public school GT wouldn't be enough, and that private was unlikely enough. I was encouraged to homeschool or seek private teachers. I found that one was quite happy and challenged in our public GT program. The other did well in a small private K-8.

They're both in high school now. One is a junior and is taking all honors and AP classes and making an A-/B+ average, and can't seem to break into the 30s on the ACT. He works so hard and just can't seem to do very well. The other is a freshman in all honors and is making straight As so far. He is unmotivated and likely to hit a wall at some point.

Believe it or not, the struggling junior is the 157. IQ is only one factor and will only get you so far, and you have no idea what other factors and other facets of your child's personality will come into play. There is no reason to expect that your kid will have a shot at top colleges any more than you would assume that about any child.

Let your kid be a kid, make sure to support curiosities and never force academics.

Revisit the topic after freshman year and then you can start thinking about where your kid may be headed.

+1

There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip.

[Anonymous]

Check out hoagiesgifted.org for great resources in gifted children, including why grade acceleration is absolutely the best approach in many instances — dcum will nearly never support grade acceleration.

Also I second the Davidson Institute if your child meets their criteria.

I do not think you should be thinking of college at all yet. As many have mentioned, your child’s path will not be straight. Gifted kids often have greater social and emotional needs (you are already seeing anxiety and perfectionism which can be devastating) or learning disabilities (twice exceptional). These things can prove very difficult and you should not jump to the idea that your daughter will get merit aid for college.

My highly gifted kid is currently falling apart in 8th grade because he cannot stay organized and turn in his assignments on time. All tests are 100% but so many 0s on homework because they were late or not turned in. I’m definitely not thinking of merit aid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's important to teach a profoundly gifted child how to handle failure, how to manage large amounts of work, and how not to panic when they encounter something that is at once surprisingly difficult and uninteresting. Make them do things that demonstrate how hard work makes for improvement over time.

These are the issues I struggled with once I went off to college.

Amen! I have a gift d kid who is a perfectionist and really struggles when she can't be the best. Frankly, she won't go to an "elite" school because it will be too stressful. She is in therapy. It I don't see her overcoming it. "Gifted" kids have their own issues, trust me on this. It all sounds so awesome until it falls apart. I'm trying to keep my gifted kid from hurting herself because she feels she doesn't measure up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, moving to a state with an excellent public university system is a great idea if your work lives allow for it. As a pg kid, I really benefited from living in CA, with cheap and easy access to community college and UC classes and libraries from an early age.

Personally, I grew up with what others might call a strong work ethic but it wasn't really school-focused. School was a relatively low bar which I cleared easily and then got on with doing things that interested me. So I’d say I was responsible wrt schoolwork but the Energizer Bunny wrt my own interests/projects.

And what provided that energy was not a work ethic so much as curiosity and a delight in figuring things out. Basically, for a pg kid like me, school was not where most learning happened. Libraries mattered more. In some cases, extra curricular mattered more (speech and debate and math team, for me). Museums mattered. Films mattered. The newspaper mattered. The woods mattered. Even the kitchen mattered.

School is not that interesting, but the world is fascinating. And school can be a useful way of discovering (vs pursuing) interests and playmates/partners in crime (another advantage of living in a college town during MS and HS — it was easy to find kids who loved to read and think and talk and explore).

Ironic thing for me is when I had a kid of my own, I set out to find DC a more challenging school than the ones I attended. Big mistake. DC lost the free time I had and got used to a regime in which obligation, competition, triage, and stress dominated the school environment, and school became mostly where DC learned.

DC excelled in HS, got into a great Uni, and continues to do well in college, but DC’s work/play distinction is much sharper than mine and, as a result, there’s less drive and less joy. If I had to do it all over again, I’d send DC to public school for HS and provide more space and time for a choose your own adventure approach to intellectual life.

Unless you are exceptionally rich, California is one of the worst states to move to if you have a smart kid.

Except for a tiny handful of tye very wealthy areas, California schools are abismal now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to read through the whole thread so sorry if this is repetitive. But I would not worry about developing a good “work ethic” too much at this point. Elementary school homework is often profoundly boring for the gifted and forcing them to do it may just make them burn out or turn off school. Focus on the assignments that are inherently challenging (Like writing a biography) and ignore the stuff that is just busy work for them. Focus on encouraging and feeding heir interests and also try to encourage the thinking that a challenge is good, and of something is hard, hat just means it’s more interesting. Most gifted kids skate through early elementary and then when they get to something they actually need to learn, they get frustrated quickly because they’ve never had to actually try to learn something. Focus on feeding their passion for learning and curiosity—I think that’s worth investing some of your income there (so if they are passionate about archaeology, take them to Jamestown and, if you’ve got the cash, Italy. Or at least take them to the museums downtown and hit the library to find books on that topic.)

Also, I actually don’t think mediocre grades in hS are the end of the world. A lot of gifted kids are really bored by many HS classes so they check out. In college, they can find more challenging classes that are in tune with their interests and then real bloom and end up at a great graduate school. Sometimes the kids that are more focused on getting across the board A’s and being “well rounded” for college applications never really find their passion. That was sort of me. I went to a top college, did great, but never really focused in on what I love. I’ve got a fine career, but I know others that did much worse in HS that have careers they really love.

I really disagree with the bolded statement. First, if the assignments are ridiculously easy, then they can be polished off quickly and accurately and kid can move on to other things. The “that’s beneath you”/“ignore the boring stuff” attitude is really damaging in the long run for a host of reasons. By contrast, developing speed and accuracy wrt rote tasks is quite useful. Secondly, the boring vs inherently challenging distinction removes the kid’s agency. It’s worth recognizing, from an early age, that you can raise the bar yourself. Finding what’s interesting and learning how to engage/motivate yourself are important life skills.

I strongly disagree with that poster too.

I posted earlier as a mom of a profoundly gifted now teenager.

The two most important things you can teach a profoundly gifted kid is organizational/time management skills and work ethic. Period.

Their minds are sponges and they already enjoy learning. They get lazy very quickly because they can check in the day of the test and ace it.
When they hut the point where that doesn't work so well they don't know how to study or work hard and crash and burn.

And profoundly gifted or not, Cs do matter in high school.

[Anonymous]

It's important for you to realize there is nothing unique or remarkable about what you're describing and when she applies to college she will be competing against similarly gifted students for slots.

[Anonymous]

Be careful if you see signs of perfectionism. The stress of launching into a big project that has to be absolutely perfect can be paralyzing. Very hard to convince that kind of kid that a mediocre project that is completed on time is far preferable to a perfect one that exists only in the imagination. Especially hard on a parent that knows the gifted kid’s “mediocre” will probably earn a B at worst.