I used a surrogate - AMA

[Anonymous]

For OP and others who were able to use your GC's health insurance to cover Surrogacy costs, were you advised to keep the fact that it was a Surrogacy kind of hush hush? Or was it not a problem at all? Using the GC's plan kind of feels like fraud to me, but I'm finding that there aren't that many options other than paying for the whole thing out of pocket.

After the baby was born, how quickly were you able to add the baby to your own health insurance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For OP and others who were able to use your GC's health insurance to cover Surrogacy costs, were you advised to keep the fact that it was a Surrogacy kind of hush hush? Or was it not a problem at all? Using the GC's plan kind of feels like fraud to me, but I'm finding that there aren't that many options other than paying for the whole thing out of pocket.

After the baby was born, how quickly were you able to add the baby to your own health insurance?

Not at all. Her health insurance covers her, which includes pregnancy. What she did with the child after delivery really has no bearing on her health insurance. It does cover her medical needs while pregnant. It wasn't a problem at all.

We were able to add the baby to our health insurance immediately. This also wasn't a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for posting this! We're just starting our journey so it was really helpful to read all of this info.

Best of luck in your journey! It is so difficult but know that we are all here to support you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For OP and others who were able to use your GC's health insurance to cover Surrogacy costs, were you advised to keep the fact that it was a Surrogacy kind of hush hush? Or was it not a problem at all? Using the GC's plan kind of feels like fraud to me, but I'm finding that there aren't that many options other than paying for the whole thing out of pocket.

After the baby was born, how quickly were you able to add the baby to your own health insurance?

NP here, but I also hired a GC. She had great health insurance that covered the pregnancy. It's not fraud, because policies either cover this or they specifically exclude it (for example, MY insurance has a specific exclusion for surrogate pregnancy). If the insurance company didn't want to cover it, they would have specifically excluded it.

Babies were added to my insurance instantly (like, I handed over my insurance card before I even got to see my twins-- they were born premature, so I wasn't there for delivery). There were a few bills for the babies that somehow got sent to her insurance by mistake, but it wasn't that hard to sort out.

[Anonymous]

Did you create embryos prior to matching? Or did you search for a GC during the IVF process?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you create embryos prior to matching? Or did you search for a GC during the IVF process?

I was very lucky that I had a couple of frozen embryos. We only searched for a GC after it was determined I could not possibly carry a pregnancy to term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that lots of enlisted military wives are doing this to supplement their incomes, especially while husbands are gone on missions. It's quite hard for such military wives to develop careers as they move pretty often.

I am an retired enlisted wife and I have never heard of it. Tricare is very generous depending what but there are not lots of enlisted women doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you create embryos prior to matching? Or did you search for a GC during the IVF process?

I was very lucky that I had a couple of frozen embryos. We only searched for a GC after it was determined I could not possibly carry a pregnancy to term.

How did they determine you can't carry?

[Anonymous]

In regard to cost, I have a couple of friends who've used a gestational surrogate and an egg donor, and the cost was around 100K.

[Anonymous]

Do your family and the GC's family ever get together now? If so, what, if anything, do you plan to tell your child about the relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you create embryos prior to matching? Or did you search for a GC during the IVF process?

I was very lucky that I had a couple of frozen embryos. We only searched for a GC after it was determined I could not possibly carry a pregnancy to term.

How did they determine you can't carry?

After delivering a stillborn child, two doctors (1 RE, 1 OB) advised against me trying to carry again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your family and the GC's family ever get together now? If so, what, if anything, do you plan to tell your child about the relationship?

My older child was fully aware of what was going on, and we did several outings with the GC and her family. There is a great book that someone on here recommended called, The Very Kind Koala, about surrogacy. I would tell my child if they wanted to know, and I did ask the GC for photos of her pregnant so I can one day show my DC.

That said, my older child has never asked about my pregnancy - only about babyhood.

I would love to see my GC and her family again. We text and email all the time, which I encourage. I don't know if everyone would choose that route but it works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that lots of enlisted military wives are doing this to supplement their incomes, especially while husbands are gone on missions. It's quite hard for such military wives to develop careers as they move pretty often.

I am an retired enlisted wife and I have never heard of it. Tricare is very generous depending what but there are not lots of enlisted women doing it.

I'm the wife of a retired officer and I have known women (both wives of SNCOs) that have done it. In fact, both the women I know who did it, did it twice.

Personally, I don't think Tricare should allow coverage, unless of course the intended parents were also covered under Tricare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that lots of enlisted military wives are doing this to supplement their incomes, especially while husbands are gone on missions. It's quite hard for such military wives to develop careers as they move pretty often.

I am an retired enlisted wife and I have never heard of it. Tricare is very generous depending what but there are not lots of enlisted women doing it.

I'm the wife of a retired officer and I have known women (both wives of SNCOs) that have done it. In fact, both the women I know who did it, did it twice.

Personally, I don't think Tricare should allow coverage, unless of course the intended parents were also covered under Tricare.

What difference does it make to you? The purpose of insurance is to provide health care to a covered person and treatment for that person's body. So if the baby in the surrogate's stomach belongs to another couple, her husband or even a rapist, the insurance covers HER body - not the baby in her tummy. No sweat off your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that lots of enlisted military wives are doing this to supplement their incomes, especially while husbands are gone on missions. It's quite hard for such military wives to develop careers as they move pretty often.

I am an retired enlisted wife and I have never heard of it. Tricare is very generous depending what but there are not lots of enlisted women doing it.

I'm the wife of a retired officer and I have known women (both wives of SNCOs) that have done it. In fact, both the women I know who did it, did it twice.

Personally, I don't think Tricare should allow coverage, unless of course the intended parents were also covered under Tricare.

What difference does it make to you? The purpose of insurance is to provide health care to a covered person and treatment for that person's body. So if the baby in the surrogate's stomach belongs to another couple, her husband or even a rapist, the insurance covers HER body - not the baby in her tummy. No sweat off your back.

But surrogacy is different in that the surrogate is paid. Arguably she should have to repay her insurance for what it paid toward maternity from what her earned as a surrogate. But as long as everything is represented accurately to the insurer and there is no fraud, it is up to the insurer to decide, I guess.