Rec leagues bending rules to pick and choose players without SN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

As a parent who didn't care less about winning, I will say that the issue wasn't winning. It was about the overall experience my own child had while participating on the team.

The reality is that some kids were so disruptive that practice was a serious struggle to get through for all kids and became really boring.

In terms of school teams, sorry, but sometimes kids are just tapped out by the end of the day of already dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends. Another issue I saw a lot of the times was that kids who were ok in school but feel apart during practices because they were later in the day and the kids were too tired and/or because medications had worn off.

I believe both kids - NT and special needs - have a right to play on the teams but in truth over many years I never saw any good ways of balancing the two out.

I don't have a dog in this fight, but your post strikes me as bizarre beyond belief. Your child is "just tapped out at the end of the day" dealing with a child in school? Are you serious? Your child's entire day in school is spent dealing with a special needs child? Are you expecting to put that forward with a straight face? Really? If your child is that fragile emotionally, he has more problems than my severely disabled child. I can't imagine being in a situation with my nonverbal, quadriplegic child where she is completely tapped out at the end of the day from dealing with another child. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

As a parent who didn't care less about winning, I will say that the issue wasn't winning. It was about the overall experience my own child had while participating on the team.

The reality is that some kids were so disruptive that practice was a serious struggle to get through for all kids and became really boring.

In terms of school teams, sorry, but sometimes kids are just tapped out by the end of the day of already dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends. Another issue I saw a lot of the times was that kids who were ok in school but feel apart during practices because they were later in the day and the kids were too tired and/or because medications had worn off.

I believe both kids - NT and special needs - have a right to play on the teams but in truth over many years I never saw any good ways of balancing the two out.

If my NT kid ever says anything like this to me, HE will be the one sitting out sports, and possibly all extra curriculars. Then again, I don't care if he's on a winning team, I just want him to be kind and compassionate when he grows up.

[Anonymous]

This craps is why we did Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts instead. Superior experience on all levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

As a parent who didn't care less about winning, I will say that the issue wasn't winning. It was about the overall experience my own child had while participating on the team.

The reality is that some kids were so disruptive that practice was a serious struggle to get through for all kids and became really boring.

In terms of school teams, sorry, but sometimes kids are just tapped out by the end of the day of already dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends. Another issue I saw a lot of the times was that kids who were ok in school but feel apart during practices because they were later in the day and the kids were too tired and/or because medications had worn off.

I believe both kids - NT and special needs - have a right to play on the teams but in truth over many years I never saw any good ways of balancing the two out.

Fortunately, both ethics and the law have taken care of this dilemma for you.

In our society, we have decided that some groups of people have a history of being discriminated against, and that therefore their right to be included is protected. Children with disabilities fall into their group, and their right to play in this circumstance is both a legal and a moral right.

Other groups don't have this protection, because long term data shows that they haven't needed it. One group in this category is assholes, like your kid. Being able to play on a team without people you'd like to discriminate against is not a right, either legally or morally.

Your kid is likely invited to play, but he doesn't get to discriminate any more than the child of Nazis who is "tapped out" with Jewish children, or the white child who is tired of black people does.

[Anonymous]

Do I know you? Your child was new to the school and joined an existing team that included a few kids with different disabilities. No parents ever complained, not once, not even the wonderful coach, god bless him, until you came along.

I don't think it's your child that's tired of "dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends." Your kid is kind and mature.

Like my kid, who is NT by the way before you draw any conclusions. I asked him once about what's going on after I heard about your "talk" with the coach and my child said it's great to be on a team with all his friends, ALL of them, and wouldn't want that to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

As a parent who didn't care less about winning, I will say that the issue wasn't winning. It was about the overall experience my own child had while participating on the team.

The reality is that some kids were so disruptive that practice was a serious struggle to get through for all kids and became really boring.

In terms of school teams, sorry, but sometimes kids are just tapped out by the end of the day of already dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends. Another issue I saw a lot of the times was that kids who were ok in school but feel apart during practices because they were later in the day and the kids were too tired and/or because medications had worn off.

I believe both kids - NT and special needs - have a right to play on the teams but in truth over many years I never saw any good ways of balancing the two out.

Please just take your kid off the school teams you don't like and join other ones that are more to your liking. I am a coach and I don't want you involved, sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad that parent posted b/c I think that's the way a LOT of parents of NT kids secretly feel. They don't even consider themselves terrible people, because they put up with having the kids with SN in their child's class or school. But (in their mind) why shouldn't they be allowed to choose who to associate with outside of school? Why should they be inconvenienced? They don't think about other kids at all, only what they want and think is best for their kid. They form "neighborhood teams" with 4 coaches and the team is "full" with their hand-selected families. These are the same kind of people who would invite 8 out of 10 boys in the class to parties IME.

[Anonymous]

In our experience, there are always 1-2 disgusting parents like this at every school. But they are the minority, not the majority.

Most of the ones I know make an effort to include everyone and they would be embarrassed and ashamed if this type of exclusion happened. It's obvious when you look at the make up of the activities. You see girls and boys who are superb athletes on the same team as ones with disabilities and most everyone comes back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it the league or the parents.

We were in a SAM league in MoCo and a team pretended they were not a team anymore and formed a new team without the SN kid. He ended up on our team.

The week before we played their team the mom explained the situation to my H (the coach).

We put him in at striker and told every kid on the team that nobody should shoot except this kid for the 1st half. I can't remember how much we won by but it was enough and this boy scored multiple times (as he did every game). It's just this game we never took him out even though league rules say he needs to sit a quarter.

When my H went to shake the coaches hand, he held it and said, "you are an a$$hole for kicking <insert name> off your team". There were no other words and I am pretty sure the guy was not the bad guy, some mom probably was.

It is not in the spirit of any rec league that I am aware of but parents can form teams and if they have enough players they can say they don't want any kids assigned to their team.

Terrible, but hurrah for your DH!!

Does your league play on public fields (that is rents?) If so, is there an ADA complaint here that could be reported to the league organizer (or county if it is the lessor of the fields)?

Surely there would be more than a stink (rightfully so!) if a team "fake folded" to prevent a child who speaks another language or who is a particular religion from playing on said team. That would be on the local news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

+1. You are awesome!

(DS is a chess player, so no skin in this game, but eye opening just the same!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

As a parent who didn't care less about winning, I will say that the issue wasn't winning. It was about the overall experience my own child had while participating on the team.

The reality is that some kids were so disruptive that practice was a serious struggle to get through for all kids and became really boring.

In terms of school teams, sorry, but sometimes kids are just tapped out by the end of the day of already dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends. Another issue I saw a lot of the times was that kids who were ok in school but feel apart during practices because they were later in the day and the kids were too tired and/or because medications had worn off.

I believe both kids - NT and special needs - have a right to play on the teams but in truth over many years I never saw any good ways of balancing the two out.

You're a terrible, terrible, shallow person.

+100.

[Anonymous]

As a parent who didn't care less about winning, I will say that the issue wasn't winning. It was about the overall experience my own child had while participating on the team.

The reality is that some kids were so disruptive that practice was a serious struggle to get through for all kids and became really boring.

In terms of school teams, sorry, but sometimes kids are just tapped out by the end of the day of already dealing with a child in school and they don't want to have to deal with him/her in sports and on weekends. Another issue I saw a lot of the times was that kids who were ok in school but feel apart during practices because they were later in the day and the kids were too tired and/or because medications had worn off.

I believe both kids - NT and special needs - have a right to play on the teams but in truth over many years I never saw any good ways of balancing the two out.

REALLY?? Who are you? I know you are exactly why us parents of special needs kids feel isolated most of the time; not to mention our kids. Good job teaching your kids how to also be shallow humans. I run into this ALL the time. Maybe you should form premier leagues for your perfect kids that cannot be bothered?

[Anonymous]

I know one mom who thought her kid was "too good" for most of the kids on her son's team which is very inclusive. These were her words. She said this to me when she told us my DS was among those she handpicked being worthy enough of playing with her child. I politely told her no thank you and then rolled my eyes. I heard they left to join a premier type team. People were glad to see her go. They felt sorry for her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The goal is to win so its not about SN, its about the stronger player. My child swims and has no issues on his team.

The goal of what is to win? Of grade school rec league sports? No. I don't think that's the goal, not do most reasonable parents and volunteers.

+1. PP you need to read a parenting book.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't surprise me but it's awful behavior. I've had kids in team sports for many years, and unquestionably the worst parenting behavior I saw was from the rec leagues, not the competitive leagues. For my youngest I pulled him from rec as soon as possible. I had had enough.