My wife hates my parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's my 2 cents. (It probably doesn't apply exactly to your situation. But this thread is like several I've seen lately).

I think that wives have FAR too much power over the time spent with husbands' families. And I'm speaking as a wife.

I'm sure that it's because we're the traditional childcare provider that we get to yield this power. But I really think it's wrong. For instance, since my brothers married, my family never sees them unless we go through their wives. I'm not crazy about my in-laws but I really make an effort to spend as much time with them as with my own family. I feel it's only fair to my husband.

Why do men let their wives get away with this? Why do women favor their own families over their husbands'? Are the in-laws REALLY so evil? Or do the ywomen refuse to tolerate the same shortcomings that they put up with in their own families?

I have sons and I certainly hope that the power tips towards a more equal balance eventually.

I can appreciate this, but I can tell you why it's happened in my family - because I decided it was no longer my sole responsibility to manage my husband's relationship with his family. Our families live in roughly the same area. So when we go home, I call my mother, we talk about what we'd like to do on what days, plan, etc. My husband would make no arrangements with his family until I emailed/called them all and nailed everything down. And they're not that much better at responding. His mother will cry and guilt trip us about not seeing her "precious grandson" often enough, then not return my calls and emails about finding a time to visit. So after about 3, 4 years of this, with no improvement on either side, I decided my husband was more than capable of making plans with his own family. And if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But I don't allow the responsibility to fall solely on my shoulders.

Do I favor my family above his? Or say, tolerate my family's quirks and foibles more than this? Absolutely. Because they're my family. I've known and loved them for decades longer. My MIL is fine and in no way evil, but she's not my mother.

This is precisely my feeling... I don't NOT like his family, but obviously I adore my own family more than his. They're my family. They also make a huge effort to see us and make plans with us, whereas his family is so difficult to pin down. They very rarely all get together (even though his parents and both of his siblings all live here) and I think it's sad - but it's not my job to make arrangements for his family to see one another. I know my husband wishes they were together more like my family, but even he doesn't make the effort because it has been like this for as long as he can remember. So yes - we hang out with my family much more. They make the effort and we enjoy our time with them.

[Anonymous]

I will let my children draw their own conclusions about their grandparents, I will not color their opinions with my own.

Some of the best advice I've read on DCUM....

[Anonymous]

I decided to read this to figure out if my husband has started posting on DCUM. Phew..situation is a little different6, but I hate my in-laws too and have very legit reasons. They are verbally abusive and narcissistic and still pull everyone into their divorce war even though this happened over 30 years ago, but enough about my in-laws...

I suggest reading some books about making marriage work and getting couple's counseling. You need to be able to support your wife and set boundaries. I don't know enough about your situation to know if her desire to stay away from them is warranted. I know my in-laws screw up everyone they get near and ruin marriages, but again, enough about my in-laws...

[Anonymous]

PP posting again...um I think there are some MILs posting on here to stir the pot.

If in-laws are indeed verbally/emotionally abusive than NO, it is not OK for the wife to suck it up and they are not entitled to see grandchildren. Grandchildren should not be subjected to danger and/or abusive behavior.

Tou know what children want most of all? They want their parents to have a happy marriage. My mom sucked it up and dealt with a nasty MIL and I have many painful memories of her visits. Thank goodness my parents eventually cut the cord when the woman got too nasty. Seeing my parents happy and getting along, rather than arguing so much about MIL, was the best gift of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am sooooooooooo glad that I am a widow.

Ok, you're sooooooooooo going to have to give us more detail here. Did you kill the grandparents, as well?