Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want to spend that much time at Grandma's?

Op: No, I don't think they be happy to miss camp, and I know they wouldn't want to miss their extracurricular activities. Play dates trump everything always lol. This is why we plan weekends and dinners. The kids like going to see their grandparents, but they never specifically request it.

Yeah, what kid ever does?????????? A lot of kids don't appreciate their grandparents until they're older. I certainly didn't...grandma's was pretty boring! But you build their relationship starting NOW. Regardless of what a freaking KID wants. You do what's best for them. Do you prefer they give up precious time with a blood relative to go fart around at some dance camp? COME ON. Give me a break! I'm sure your kid would choose to eat pizza and cheetos for dinner every night but they don't get to, because 1) it's not the best thing for them and 2) they're kids and kids don't put a lot of thought into the long term consequences of their choices. Seriously. You people are unbelievable with the "well MY kid doesn't WANT to" and "my precious snowflake just CANNOT be bored!" So selfish, it's sickening!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want to spend that much time at Grandma's?

Op: No, I don't think they be happy to miss camp, and I know they wouldn't want to miss their extracurricular activities. Play dates trump everything always lol. This is why we plan weekends and dinners. The kids like going to see their grandparents, but they never specifically request it.

Yeah, what kid ever does?????????? A lot of kids don't appreciate their grandparents until they're older. I certainly didn't...grandma's was pretty boring! But you build their relationship starting NOW. Regardless of what a freaking KID wants. You do what's best for them. Do you prefer they give up precious time with a blood relative to go fart around at some dance camp? COME ON. Give me a break! I'm sure your kid would choose to eat pizza and cheetos for dinner every night but they don't get to, because 1) it's not the best thing for them and 2) they're kids and kids don't put a lot of thought into the long term consequences of their choices. Seriously. You people are unbelievable with the "well MY kid doesn't WANT to" and "my precious snowflake just CANNOT be bored!" So selfish, it's sickening!

I used to be forced to visit my grandparents. I hated it. I was bored. I would tell my parents this, and they would tell me the same things you're saying here. So they forced me to go. And I still hated it. My memories of them are being bored at their house. I vowed to never do that to my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have overbooked your kids and it is wrong. Grandpa and access is irrelevant, but she is right in that kids should not have that many activities. Boredom is the king of best inventions and stimulates great minds. Let them be bored, stop micromanaging and being insane. Plus you will save money and they might sleep more and end up taller. You sound not like a helicopter mom, but a drone mom!

? These are activities that they asked to do. My daughter is in a dance clinic with friends, and my son does basketball with some of his friends. Camp is mandatory, because I need a break too. I'm not going to tell my kids they don't need to socialize and do activities because grandma doesn't approve.

So which is it, they asked you to do the camp or it is mandatory, because you need a break? So you are a SAHM? There is a big difference of mandatory and choosing what to do. If your question was," do you kids want to do basketball camp or science camp, and you have to do the camp..." they chose the lesser evil, what if you asked them, "Do you want to stay at home and sleep in during the summer or go to camp?" would they still have chosen camp? And then you or another pp writes, "they like camp, good, because they are going!" Both of these do not sound like kids had any choice at all. How many weeks are they not in the camp during the summer? And yes, half day of camp and music lessons in the evening is a lot, having them do a sheet of math and reading is more productive, that is what countries with kids surpassing our kids by far do. Our kids are already overscheduled during the school year, and if you are SAHM, because if you are at work why would you write about needing a break from kids, then you do have time to yourself while they are in school. The only reason you are posting here is that you feel guilty, not towards your mom, but towards your kids. Working people get vacation, your kids don/t even get that.

[Anonymous]

Some kids, like my son, thrive on structure and schedule and really and truly NEED their camp time. We learned this the hard way in our house. OP doesn't say it, but there could be a reason the kids are in camp.

Sending my kids to camp isn't a break for me, because it means a ton of driving and snack/lunch/extra clothes/whatever other random things we seem to need for camp. I love having them at home. But summer is a great chance for them to try things we can't do during the school year, and my youngest needs the structure of camp.

It's wonderful to have involved grandparents, but things do change as kids get older. My own wonderful mom has had a bit of a hard time realizing it's not as easy to pull them out of school now like we could do when they were younger and didn't have to be as tied to the school calendar. It takes some getting used to for everyone. OP, could you sit down with your mom and say, "these are the things we have to work around now. Where can we work in some extra time for you and the kids?"

[Anonymous]

So tired of entitled grandparents. When its all about the grandparent's convenience, it is just not going to work in most families where you are trying to juggle so many different needs.

I am not my MIL's biggest fan but have nothing but praise for how she interacts with my kids. She works around their schedules and my schedule whenever she can. She is very clear in communicating what she can and cannot do. She sets up her boundaries in a way that is kind but firm. She is also clear on what she would like. It makes it easy to encourage the children to have a good relationship with her. She is modeling how she wants to be treated to them, and its working well. She spoils them, loves on them, but remembers that they are individuals with their own needs.

One of my children is at "Camp Grandma's" this week. She asked me to sign him up for a camp while he is there which I did happily. She doesn't want a bored 9 year old around for a week but does want one-on-one time with him. She worked with me before our summer plans were set and clearly communicated what she wanted (one kid at a time, one week at a time, some structured activities planned during the day for the 9-year-old). I was able to meet all her requests. If she just said "don't make any plans until I figure out what I want", not only would I have paid zero attention to her, I don't think the kids would have looked forward to their "week with Grandma".

OP - your mom is being selfish. Running a household with kids takes some work and people that love you don't try to add to the burden but rather look to reduce the burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are in the wrong, OP.

The mistake is not communicating with your mother about summer plans before you signed them up for camps and activities.

You can remedy this now, and nix some playdates so that they can see their Grandmother if she doesn't live too far away.
If these are the low-intensity camps, you can even declare a couple of days in July and August "playing hooky" and have your kids spend the whole day at Grandma's! Not so much if the kids are in targeted one week camps with a performance at the end.

Have you been on a vacation with the grandparents? You could all go somewhere for one week.

In short, this is a planning error on your part, with the underlying issue that you didn't prioritize Grandma time. She won't be around for very long, you know.

OP, I think your mom is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have no issue with my parents pulling the kids out of camp for a random day here and there. I'd be sure it wasn't a special field trip day or another special camp day. But in the grand scheme of things, kids will have endless days of camp over the course of their childhoods. Memories of fun outings with grandparents will last a lifetime.

Agreed. Both sets of grandparents can come take my kids whenever they want. Whatever summer activity we have planned isn't as important. I wish we lived closer so they could have them more often.

Um, I'm going to speak up on behalf of the kids here. I don't know what ages they are, but clearly not babies. I'm pretty sure they would not enjoy being pulled out of camp for a day. If you're doing a five day camp, one day is kind of a lot (i.e. if it's tennis camp you could miss an entire skill that everyone else worked on). OP, ask your kids what they want to do. I'm not saying you should cater to your kid's whims, but they might not be at the age where they want to spend the week with their grandparents. I did weekends and that was always enough for me. My kids' grandparents are different, but know your audience and your performers. One size does not fit all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want to spend that much time at Grandma's?

Op: No, I don't think they be happy to miss camp, and I know they wouldn't want to miss their extracurricular activities. Play dates trump everything always lol. This is why we plan weekends and dinners. The kids like going to see their grandparents, but they never specifically request it.

Yeah, what kid ever does?????????? A lot of kids don't appreciate their grandparents until they're older. I certainly didn't...grandma's was pretty boring! But you build their relationship starting NOW. Regardless of what a freaking KID wants. You do what's best for them. Do you prefer they give up precious time with a blood relative to go fart around at some dance camp? COME ON. Give me a break! I'm sure your kid would choose to eat pizza and cheetos for dinner every night but they don't get to, because 1) it's not the best thing for them and 2) they're kids and kids don't put a lot of thought into the long term consequences of their choices. Seriously. You people are unbelievable with the "well MY kid doesn't WANT to" and "my precious snowflake just CANNOT be bored!" So selfish, it's sickening!

I used to be forced to visit my grandparents. I hated it. I was bored. I would tell my parents this, and they would tell me the same things you're saying here. So they forced me to go. And I still hated it. My memories of them are being bored at their house. I vowed to never do that to my child.

Agreed. I would love to speak to the children of these posters and find out exactly how they feel...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want to spend that much time at Grandma's?

Op: No, I don't think they be happy to miss camp, and I know they wouldn't want to miss their extracurricular activities. Play dates trump everything always lol. This is why we plan weekends and dinners. The kids like going to see their grandparents, but they never specifically request it.

Yeah, what kid ever does?????????? A lot of kids don't appreciate their grandparents until they're older. I certainly didn't...grandma's was pretty boring! But you build their relationship starting NOW. Regardless of what a freaking KID wants. You do what's best for them. Do you prefer they give up precious time with a blood relative to go fart around at some dance camp? COME ON. Give me a break! I'm sure your kid would choose to eat pizza and cheetos for dinner every night but they don't get to, because 1) it's not the best thing for them and 2) they're kids and kids don't put a lot of thought into the long term consequences of their choices. Seriously. You people are unbelievable with the "well MY kid doesn't WANT to" and "my precious snowflake just CANNOT be bored!" So selfish, it's sickening!

NP. I remember taking 20 library books for my week with my grandparents (at age 10) and getting done with them half-way through the week. There wasn't much to do. I didn't complain about spending the week with them, but aside for a few games of cards + scrabble each day, not sure what I did other than read a lot. The week with them, being bored, did not build any special memories, or make me more attached to them. And I did it many summers. I did it out of duty to my parents, who did it out of duty to theirs. If that's how you'd like your relationship to be between grandkids and grandparents - duty-bound - then so be it. I won't be choosing the same for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask grandma what week she would like to run Camp Grandma

Unfortunatley, that's not going to happen. I prepayed camp and I'd be out about $500 if you factor in field trips, pool money, camp itself, and their practices.

Three thoughts--1) what does it matter if you're out the $500; Camp Grandma doesn't cost anything and it would make her happy. You can think of it as paying $500 for Camp Grandma. 2) What are the kids doing the week before school starts when camps traditionally are not available--could they spend the week with her then? or 3) Can they spend the week with her and she take them to camp and pick them up after and do all the things during the week that you would do with them? Let her house be the base for a week.

I don't think it's a good idea to set the precedent that Grandma can throw a fit and schedules get rearranged to her benefit. I wouldn't tolerate that in toddlers, let alone an adult. Frankly I think the idea that you need to keep their schedule free so she can drop by at random times of her liking is pretty entitled behavior.

+1 sheesh what's with all of these absolute monarch grandparents?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want to spend that much time at Grandma's?

Op: No, I don't think they be happy to miss camp, and I know they wouldn't want to miss their extracurricular activities. Play dates trump everything always lol. This is why we plan weekends and dinners. The kids like going to see their grandparents, but they never specifically request it.

Yeah, what kid ever does?????????? A lot of kids don't appreciate their grandparents until they're older. I certainly didn't...grandma's was pretty boring! But you build their relationship starting NOW. Regardless of what a freaking KID wants. You do what's best for them. Do you prefer they give up precious time with a blood relative to go fart around at some dance camp? COME ON. Give me a break! I'm sure your kid would choose to eat pizza and cheetos for dinner every night but they don't get to, because 1) it's not the best thing for them and 2) they're kids and kids don't put a lot of thought into the long term consequences of their choices. Seriously. You people are unbelievable with the "well MY kid doesn't WANT to" and "my precious snowflake just CANNOT be bored!" So selfish, it's sickening!

You're being ridiculous. It sounds like kids see their grandparents every couple of weeks. Op is already doing the work to actively build/maintain the relationship. She's just not keeping them home so grandma can see them on a whim. Stop yelling about things that aren't true.

[Anonymous]

I would have no issue with my parents pulling the kids out of camp for a random day here and there. I'd be sure it wasn't a special field trip day or another special camp day. But in the grand scheme of things, kids will have endless days of camp over the course of their childhoods. Memories of fun outings with grandparents will last a lifetime.

I'd let the kids miss camp to spend time with my parents. DH's parents, not so much. They have no idea what is developmentally appropriate for kids - they expect a 4 and 6 year old to sit still for hours while grandpa talks to them about his beliefs about the Bible (oh, and we're also not religious).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have no issue with my parents pulling the kids out of camp for a random day here and there. I'd be sure it wasn't a special field trip day or another special camp day. But in the grand scheme of things, kids will have endless days of camp over the course of their childhoods. Memories of fun outings with grandparents will last a lifetime.

Agreed. Both sets of grandparents can come take my kids whenever they want. Whatever summer activity we have planned isn't as important. I wish we lived closer so they could have them more often.

Um, I'm going to speak up on behalf of the kids here. I don't know what ages they are, but clearly not babies. I'm pretty sure they would not enjoy being pulled out of camp for a day. If you're doing a five day camp, one day is kind of a lot (i.e. if it's tennis camp you could miss an entire skill that everyone else worked on). OP, ask your kids what they want to do. I'm not saying you should cater to your kid's whims, but they might not be at the age where they want to spend the week with their grandparents. I did weekends and that was always enough for me. My kids' grandparents are different, but know your audience and your performers. One size does not fit all.

One size definitely doesn't fit all but I can't think of an age where my kids wouldn't have chosen a fun outing with their grandparents over one day at camp. There is also a big difference in whether the grandma plans an activity or expects them to sit at her house for the day. But for an outing, even something simple like a picnic or low key, my kids would happily give up one day of camp, especially if they were in camp all summer and if it was a half day camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have no issue with my parents pulling the kids out of camp for a random day here and there. I'd be sure it wasn't a special field trip day or another special camp day. But in the grand scheme of things, kids will have endless days of camp over the course of their childhoods. Memories of fun outings with grandparents will last a lifetime.

Agreed. Both sets of grandparents can come take my kids whenever they want. Whatever summer activity we have planned isn't as important. I wish we lived closer so they could have them more often.

Um, I'm going to speak up on behalf of the kids here. I don't know what ages they are, but clearly not babies. I'm pretty sure they would not enjoy being pulled out of camp for a day. If you're doing a five day camp, one day is kind of a lot (i.e. if it's tennis camp you could miss an entire skill that everyone else worked on). OP, ask your kids what they want to do. I'm not saying you should cater to your kid's whims, but they might not be at the age where they want to spend the week with their grandparents. I did weekends and that was always enough for me. My kids' grandparents are different, but know your audience and your performers. One size does not fit all.

One size definitely doesn't fit all but I can't think of an age where my kids wouldn't have chosen a fun outing with their grandparents over one day at camp. There is also a big difference in whether the grandma plans an activity or expects them to sit at her house for the day. But for an outing, even something simple like a picnic or low key, my kids would happily give up one day of camp, especially if they were in camp all summer and if it was a half day camp.

Not all grandparents are the same. My kids will give up anything for my parents, but would choose more homework + school over DH's. Because his parents expect kids to sit still and not make any noise or mess.

[Anonymous]

I think this is all a hoot. Our kids literally stampede to get ready when we announce that Grandma and Grandpa want them for an outing/overnight/lunch or dinner out/trip to the summer house/go to a movie/you name it. Our five kids range from 5 to 19. I frequently offer to drive a second car "to make it easier" just so I can go along. Different strokes for different folks.