Things you do 'your way' and parents/ILs disapprove

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents think I'm some kind of nazi mom for not giving my toddler juice.

Yes! Stop with the juice crap! "Not even watered down juice?" She won't die because she only drinks water!

Ugh, totally! My dad stopped just short of asking for medical proof that DD doesn't have scurvy. (Not by a long shot.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to not give advice beyond what they would give to a friend. The goal is to transition to being equal adults (and that works only if you are not financially dependent on them in any way) You can insist on the respect of an equal. If they would not give unsolicited advice or comment to a friend, they should not be giving it to you.

My mom would give unsolicited advice to the Pope.

My mom would too! She totally does it to everyone, including the barista at Dtarbucks.

Mine too. She would also gossip about me to the Pope.

This is why I would never, ever introduce my mom to my coworkers. She would immediately blab to them about my bonus based on something she accidentally saw (like a psystub). It might be wrong, but she would blab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we moved to Shaw my MIL was so horrified she offered to buy us out of the house.

I can relate. We bought a place and my parents came to visit. She said, "the cab driver told us to be careful because this is a dangerous neighborhood. Why'd you buy here?"

"Mom. The cab driver was clearly a weirdo. We live in Shirlington. It's only dangerous if you think an over abundance of French bulldogs is dangerous."

My mom is scared of public transit of any sort. She's also scared of driving herself around new areas and expects others to drive her around.

[Anonymous]

Absolute horror that we don't use a travel agent for vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to not give advice beyond what they would give to a friend. The goal is to transition to being equal adults (and that works only if you are not financially dependent on them in any way) You can insist on the respect of an equal. If they would not give unsolicited advice or comment to a friend, they should not be giving it to you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my parents, it's wasting food and I don't even think we are that wasteful. Whenever they leave I have every single Tupperware filled with two bites of leftover food. If I buy a rotissiere chicken, they insist we need to boil it to make broth or soup. My husband and I have a standing joke of trying to get rid of the rotisierre bones before they can get their hands on them. They would use leftovers from 1.5 weeks ago. My limit is 4-5 days.

They should meet my husband. Same thing. I have to double-bag throw-aways and put it out just before trash day. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both parents and ILs think I'm weird and rigid about ensuring that my 4yo and 1.5yo both get good naps, even during visits and on vacation. Then, in the same conversation, they marvel at how well-behaved and calm my girls always are. Huh...could it be that they are well-rested?

Yes, my ILs get ANGRY about my children's naps! Yet they never want to go do anything, so it's like "why do you care that they are sleeping when we're just sitting in the living room not doing anything anyway??"

I am not rigid about the nap schedule per se, but I do insist that my 2yo nap every day. Preferably for 2-3 hours. When we are together, they ask every 15 minutes if they can wake her up. She's been sleeping so long! If she sleeps longer than an hour, there are near constant comments about how this must be her longest nap ever, she must not have slept well the night before, etc. we aren't keeping them from doing anything, they just want to wake her up to play, but then they don't actually want to play.

+1 to both of you! I'd ask if we had the same ILs, but DD is the only grandchild

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both parents and ILs think I'm weird and rigid about ensuring that my 4yo and 1.5yo both get good naps, even during visits and on vacation. Then, in the same conversation, they marvel at how well-behaved and calm my girls always are. Huh...could it be that they are well-rested?

Yes, my ILs get ANGRY about my children's naps! Yet they never want to go do anything, so it's like "why do you care that they are sleeping when we're just sitting in the living room not doing anything anyway??"

I am not rigid about the nap schedule per se, but I do insist that my 2yo nap every day. Preferably for 2-3 hours. When we are together, they ask every 15 minutes if they can wake her up. She's been sleeping so long! If she sleeps longer than an hour, there are near constant comments about how this must be her longest nap ever, she must not have slept well the night before, etc. we aren't keeping them from doing anything, they just want to wake her up to play, but then they don't actually want to play.

+1 to both of you! I'd ask if we had the same ILs, but DD is the only grandchild

Ugh same here! To top it off, MIL lives in California and wants us to immediately move infant DD to Pacific time for our trips, despite the fact that DD is LOSING IT by 5 PM local time every day. So DD is supposed to not get naps and stay up until 9 PM local time (so midnight for us) from day one of our trips.

Thank god for hotels and a DH that has no problem telling his mother No.

[Anonymous]

My mother and MIL were horrified that we sent our child to a DCPS Title 1 school for a few years. They kept it to themselves, but nevertheless it was clear through their actions and side comments and comments to DH that they were "worried" and "disappointed." I was very sad and disheartened about this and do not regret out decision at all.

My parents think insisting our child eat with a fork is inhumane. Basically, they think this about enforcing any rules at all.

My mother is afraid of medicine. If she has a splitting headache she'll take half a Tylenol. Maybe. Is constantly second-guessing our medical choices, including those we make for our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother never forgave me for quitting my job to stay home with my two children, despite the fact that both have special needs that needed more intense parantal involvement.

I'm sorry, OP. That hurts.

You should get a super-hero Mom award for that. You are the example of unconditional love all children need and deserve

[Anonymous]

My parents are the opposite. They believe that mothers should be SAHMs and that daycare is the most horrible thing that could happen to a child.

[Anonymous]

pp here. My parents feel that daycare will destroy a child psychologically, intellectually and health-wise (too many germs or something like that), and that they will be abused. Mothers who put their kids in daycare are evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to not give advice beyond what they would give to a friend. The goal is to transition to being equal adults (and that works only if you are not financially dependent on them in any way) You can insist on the respect of an equal. If they would not give unsolicited advice or comment to a friend, they should not be giving it to you.

My mom would give unsolicited advice to the Pope.

My mom would too! She totally does it to everyone, including the barista at Dtarbucks.

Mine too. She would also gossip about me to the Pope.

This is why I would never, ever introduce my mom to my coworkers. She would immediately blab to them about my bonus based on something she accidentally saw (like a psystub). It might be wrong, but she would blab.

Worse, mine would say "Hi, I'm Larla's mom! Larla tells me you come in late every day and then immediately leave for 30 minutes to go to Starbucks!" (and so I just don't say anything to my mom now)

[Anonymous]

My sibling's answer to everything is to spank, spank without explanation. If you see behavior you don't like or hear something you don't approve of, walk over and spank, then walk away.

I talk to my children instead, so deserve what I get.

[Anonymous]

Reason with our children. My parents think it's so weird that we explain the rationale for rules & requests, before expecting compliance. We move into the 123 Magic routine once we've provided an explanation, but often it isn't necessary once the kids get it. My dad especially is baffled as to why we think they can understand.

My MIL disapproves of plenty but has backed off in recent years. It was about food, life style, treating our au pair like a member of the family rather than a servant, etc.