To working moms: If you DH made enough money, would you still work?

[Anonymous]

I would like to stay at home but I do not want to burden DH to be the bread winner. Maybe later when the finances are better, one of us can stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm. I wonder how many of those who claim to love to work and can't imagine not working will work well past retirement age.

This is retarded because it's completely an apples to oranges comparison. How one feels about a career closer to the beginning or even several years in (around the time women have children) versus how one feels after 35-40 years of working is likely to be very different. After putting in a few decades, you've likely accomplished what you've set out to accomplish. At age 25-35? Probably not.

The better question would be "how many of those who claim to love to work and can't imagine not working" would continue to work if they were a dot.com billionaire at age 30, say, from Google or Apple. Looking at many of those guys, who continue to work, I'd say plenty.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't stay at home, but would love for DH to SAH. He'd be great and I recognize the tremendous benefits of having a stay at home parent. Alas, we are not in a financial position for either of us to stay at home. Maybe we'll be able to reconsider when our kids are teenagers and REALLY need a parent at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm. I wonder how many of those who claim to love to work and can't imagine not working will work well past retirement age.

This is retarded because it's completely an apples to oranges comparison. How one feels about a career closer to the beginning or even several years in (around the time women have children) versus how one feels after 35-40 years of working is likely to be very different. After putting in a few decades, you've likely accomplished what you've set out to accomplish. At age 25-35? Probably not.

The better question would be "how many of those who claim to love to work and can't imagine not working" would continue to work if they were a dot.com billionaire at age 30, say, from Google or Apple. Looking at many of those guys, who continue to work, I'd say plenty.

Yes, there are very few loaded people who just sit around and do nothing. Trust fund babies maybe, but they seem bored, at least the ones that are famous for doing it! The world works and humans have evolved because we work. I like my job, but sure, if were multi-millionaires I may not ride the Metro to work and do exactly what I'm doing, but I'd like to think I'd be setting up a foundation, etc.

People are motivated by money to work, or course, but they are also motivated by many other factors, including a drive or a need to do something - contribute, produce. That doesn't mean stay at home parents aren't doing that, but it looks like this first post is just being bitter about folks liking their jobs which is just silly.

[Anonymous]

No, I would continue to work. I had the choice to SAH after my son was born, and by the end of my maternity leave (4 months), I was ready to work again. I'm just not cut out to be at home full time. I wish I was...to have my days spent outside on beautiful days, going to the park, not having to stress out by a schedule and not enough time. Being off work for a long period of time helped me realize who I was, really, that I did enjoy working, enjoy being part of a team, being recognized for my work. I was fortunate though, I went back to work 30 hours a week, so I have time to shop and spend time with my son.

I praise SAHM moms. No, it's not a sacrifice, but it is HARD. Because I work doesn't mean I don't love my child or like to spend time with him-I'd be miserable and he'd be affected.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's great to see people challenging the tired old "SAHM is the hardest job in the world" statement!

I have done both SAHM and WOHM and I personally don't understand how SAHM is the hardest job in the world.

I took long maternity leaves when I had each of my kids and then returned to work part-time. After the 2nd baby, I was home with an infant and a 14-month old for 6 months. That was very difficult and I spent a great deal of those 6 months unshowered, sleep-deprived, and still in my pajamas by early afternoon, but it still wasn't as hard as my prior engagement before kids, working 60hrs/wk under constant stress in a big law firm!

With the third baby, I stayed home for just over a year, with a newborn, a 3-yr old, and a 4-yr old. I loved it! Some days were hard, but overall it was a joy and we had so much fun together. I would NEVER have described it as the hardest job in the world. Yes, I wanted my husband to appreciate my (unpaid) contribution to our family, but I didn't demand that he acknowledge that my job was just as hard or harder than his.

We live in the suburbs and most of my friends now are SAHMs. Our kids are elementary school age now, and believe me, these SAHMs do NOT have the hardest job in the world! I know, because I'm one of them on the 2 weekdays I don't work. When your kids are in school from 8-3, there is plenty of time to get errands done, have lunch with friends, go shopping, get your hair or nails done, etc.

I have been back at work, part-time, for four years. We don't really need the extra money. I'm not crazy about the job, but I don't work terribly hard, my job is secure, and I'm very well compensated in salary & benefits, so I have stayed on part-time. I would never do it full-time and be away from my kids that much. I don't socialize much at work so I wouldn't say I'm doing it for the camaraderie or adult interaction. It's more that the pay & benefits are too hard to walk away from given that the stress/demands of the job are so manageable.

So much of this depends on what type of temperaments and personalities your children have. It may not be so easy for the SAHM who has fussier more difficult kids, no help around the house, a husband who works long hours. Please keep the perspective that your experience is not the experience other people have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's great to see people challenging the tired old "SAHM is the hardest job in the world" statement!

I have done both SAHM and WOHM and I personally don't understand how SAHM is the hardest job in the world.

I took long maternity leaves when I had each of my kids and then returned to work part-time. After the 2nd baby, I was home with an infant and a 14-month old for 6 months. That was very difficult and I spent a great deal of those 6 months unshowered, sleep-deprived, and still in my pajamas by early afternoon, but it still wasn't as hard as my prior engagement before kids, working 60hrs/wk under constant stress in a big law firm!

With the third baby, I stayed home for just over a year, with a newborn, a 3-yr old, and a 4-yr old. I loved it! Some days were hard, but overall it was a joy and we had so much fun together. I would NEVER have described it as the hardest job in the world. Yes, I wanted my husband to appreciate my (unpaid) contribution to our family, but I didn't demand that he acknowledge that my job was just as hard or harder than his.

We live in the suburbs and most of my friends now are SAHMs. Our kids are elementary school age now, and believe me, these SAHMs do NOT have the hardest job in the world! I know, because I'm one of them on the 2 weekdays I don't work. When your kids are in school from 8-3, there is plenty of time to get errands done, have lunch with friends, go shopping, get your hair or nails done, etc.

I have been back at work, part-time, for four years. We don't really need the extra money. I'm not crazy about the job, but I don't work terribly hard, my job is secure, and I'm very well compensated in salary & benefits, so I have stayed on part-time. I would never do it full-time and be away from my kids that much. I don't socialize much at work so I wouldn't say I'm doing it for the camaraderie or adult interaction. It's more that the pay & benefits are too hard to walk away from given that the stress/demands of the job are so manageable.

So much of this depends on what type of temperaments and personalities your children have. It may not be so easy for the SAHM who has fussier more difficult kids, no help around the house, a husband who works long hours. Please keep the perspective that your experience is not the experience other people have.

I agree. I have a 7 year old, and 3 year old, and staying home with them. It is really hard. Especially (!!!) with a 7 year old boy, who doesn't want to be in the house at all, and wants to do sports ALL THE TIME!!! But I see how much they both need me, and don't want to leave them for work...

[Anonymous]

I would work part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think these discussions of what's harder-- working outside the home or staying home with your children-- are just pointless in their generalizations. It obviously depends on the job and on the family/individuals in the family, and there's no way to compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges.

Lots of things can make a job (including staying home) harder or easier: hours, commute, pay, social recognition, ego satisfaction, camaraderie, intellectual challenge/boredom, physical danger or difficulty, emotional challenge, logistical challenge, opportunity for advancement or new challenges, variety of tasks, sense of completion or accomplishment, cooperation/contribution of other family members, economic security, job security, and a million others.

Mix that with the temperament of the mother, the temperament of the children, the boss and coworkers, the quality of the marriage, the quality of the neighborhood, the help of extended family. . .

You get the point. Can we just stop now?

The only valid comparison any mother should make is between actual choices IN HER OWN LIFE.


(This doesn't preclude fantasies about living a different life, but in that case I'd like to be a rich philanthropist. )

Yes.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and I must admit I'm a bit envious of all of you who love your jobs and have high earning potential. I plan to return to work when my kids are in school but it wasn't hard for me to stop working because I didn't love my job and didn't have high earning potential in my field (despite advanced degree). I've been out of the workforce for four years and worry each day about what I'll actually do when I go back. But ideally I would work part-time and be home with the kids part-time...seems like the perfect balance, at least until the kids are older.

[Anonymous]

No way!

[Anonymous]

It's great to see people challenging the tired old "SAHM is the hardest job in the world" statement!

I have done both SAHM and WOHM and I personally don't understand how SAHM is the hardest job in the world.

I took long maternity leaves when I had each of my kids and then returned to work part-time. After the 2nd baby, I was home with an infant and a 14-month old for 6 months. That was very difficult and I spent a great deal of those 6 months unshowered, sleep-deprived, and still in my pajamas by early afternoon, but it still wasn't as hard as my prior engagement before kids, working 60hrs/wk under constant stress in a big law firm!

With the third baby, I stayed home for just over a year, with a newborn, a 3-yr old, and a 4-yr old. I loved it! Some days were hard, but overall it was a joy and we had so much fun together. I would NEVER have described it as the hardest job in the world. Yes, I wanted my husband to appreciate my (unpaid) contribution to our family, but I didn't demand that he acknowledge that my job was just as hard or harder than his.

We live in the suburbs and most of my friends now are SAHMs. Our kids are elementary school age now, and believe me, these SAHMs do NOT have the hardest job in the world! I know, because I'm one of them on the 2 weekdays I don't work. When your kids are in school from 8-3, there is plenty of time to get errands done, have lunch with friends, go shopping, get your hair or nails done, etc.

I have been back at work, part-time, for four years. We don't really need the extra money. I'm not crazy about the job, but I don't work terribly hard, my job is secure, and I'm very well compensated in salary & benefits, so I have stayed on part-time. I would never do it full-time and be away from my kids that much. I don't socialize much at work so I wouldn't say I'm doing it for the camaraderie or adult interaction. It's more that the pay & benefits are too hard to walk away from given that the stress/demands of the job are so manageable.

I agree with the poster who said these discussions of what is harder really don't add much value.

But the above quote is my post & I wanted to respond to some criticisms. First, I realize others may have more difficult situations. My kids are not three "miniature adults" - they behave (and misbehave) like the children they are. Yeah, I'm sure other kids are more difficult than mine, and some are less difficult. I had one baby who completely stopped napping at 22 months. When I stayed home with a new baby and a 14-month old, my husband was working ridiculous hours in a sweatshop law firm and was out of town at least two full weeks per month, often two solid weeks including the weekend in between. I had no help and no family in the area. Most of the time it was just me and my two babies, and it was exhausting & isolating. I guess I just didn't consider it a "job." After my third kid, my husband was still working long hours and, because we just moved, he was taking bar review classes and studying for the bar every night after work for several months. Now, like another poster, I have a high-energy 7-yr old boy who won't stay in the house and wants to play sports outside 24-7, and a 4-yr old who's just the opposite. So I have a pretty good idea of what being a SAHM involves and I wasn't putting SAHMs down. I wasn't speaking from the perspective of "ladies who lunch."

[Anonymous]

I would, with out a doubt, stay at home. There is nobody in this world who is fit for raising my kids better than me or my DH. Granted, I would reather be the one to raise them. I love my job, I make great money but I would rise teh the challange and embrace every second of it. I blinked and DD is 3.5 years old now. Soon enough she will be hanging out with friends, going to the movies with her boyfriend, ect and won't have time for mom and dad anymore. This would be the perfect opputunity to embrace her childhood!!!