Unfriendly neighbors in a friendly neighborhood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Umm, probably not that. Women (even attractive women) have to deal with more attractive women all the time. It's part of life.

If anything, the neighbor might want to have get togethers at their house w/o feeling obligated to invite the new neighbors over. So they are being standoffish."

It is part of life, but some women have embarrassingly low or non existent coping mechanisms, such that they try to drag other women into it, classic scapegoating. It has not happened to me (I am not hot, trust me, I have no such problems), but I know it happens.

It happens at work, with a good looking colleague I have, and it happens every day IRL. Just because you don't experience it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Some women can be terribly insecure...and that is where their crazy comes from.

o.k. But the neighbor is the one who is being social and nice to everyone but Op. Op, are you breathtakingly beautiful? Are all the other friendly neighbors ugly in comparison to you?

I am going to guess - no. Op, are you talking about this neighbor to your other neighbors? It seems that she is coming up a lot in your conversations with other people.

And it seems as if you are a little bit too worried about her opinion of you. I think you would be better off forgetting about her. Maybe your mind is making this out to be a lot more than it is?

I don't think OP cares as much as you think she does, she was just asking why the neighbor is an inconsiderate twat, for seemingly no reason. OP, chances are the other neighbors feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

I have a new theory. Crap is going on in neighbor's life, and she has neither the time nor the energy to bring a plant over or whatever. She's actually been not so friendly to most people in the neighborhood for a while, except for her closest friends. Since she was previously more outgoing/friendly, she still has that reputation, which is why you hear nice things about her. If she's experiencing health concerns, marital troubles, other big issues, that might affect how chummy she acts with her new next door neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a new theory. Crap is going on in neighbor's life, and she has neither the time nor the energy to bring a plant over or whatever. She's actually been not so friendly to most people in the neighborhood for a while, except for her closest friends. Since she was previously more outgoing/friendly, she still has that reputation, which is why you hear nice things about her. If she's experiencing health concerns, marital troubles, other big issues, that might affect how chummy she acts with her new next door neighbor.

+1. It doesn't sounds like this is about you or anything you did. The only thing that makes sense is that this is about whatever they have going on in their lives right now. Everyone gets preoccupied with their own shit all the time. I would just lay low, be courteous when you encounter them and don't take it personally if they continue to not be friendly or welcoming.

And in the off chance it is actually about you, it's likely something you can't change about yourself so why waste time and energy worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a new theory. Crap is going on in neighbor's life, and she has neither the time nor the energy to bring a plant over or whatever. She's actually been not so friendly to most people in the neighborhood for a while, except for her closest friends. Since she was previously more outgoing/friendly, she still has that reputation, which is why you hear nice things about her. If she's experiencing health concerns, marital troubles, other big issues, that might affect how chummy she acts with her new next door neighbor.

+1. It doesn't sounds like this is about you or anything you did. The only thing that makes sense is that this is about whatever they have going on in their lives right now. Everyone gets preoccupied with their own shit all the time. I would just lay low, be courteous when you encounter them and don't take it personally if they continue to not be friendly or welcoming.

And in the off chance it is actually about you, it's likely something you can't change about yourself so why waste time and energy worrying about it.

+1

Just treat that neighbor the way that they treat you, OP. If they act surprised, the joke is on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have neighbors like this. They do talk to us but it's obvious that they don't like us. Everyone in the neighborhood thinks they are friendly, neighborly, etc.

The neighbor's children are very well behaved, they listen to everything their parents tell them to do. She's a stay at home mom and organized and has everything scheduled, her routine. my children on the other hand are rumbustious and not well-behaved. My feeling is that she doesn't want my children to be a bad influence on her children. Anyway, it's awkward because it's very obvious that they don't like us. My children like her children and I can tell they are hurt when they can't play with those neighbors. They have play dates with other children in the neighbors.

Well I'm a working mom and don't like my kid being around children who aren't well behaved. Maybe this is a good way for you to teach your children. I tell my kid when people compliment them about their behavior and explain that parents like have well behaved kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a new theory. Crap is going on in neighbor's life, and she has neither the time nor the energy to bring a plant over or whatever. She's actually been not so friendly to most people in the neighborhood for a while, except for her closest friends. Since she was previously more outgoing/friendly, she still has that reputation, which is why you hear nice things about her. If she's experiencing health concerns, marital troubles, other big issues, that might affect how chummy she acts with her new next door neighbor.

I think I'm your neighbor, OP. I used to be the offical welcomer through our neighborhood association. Did this for two years and enjoyed making a personal visit to each new family and through neighborhood treasury, included a goodie bag of sorts. Then, I stopped. No one on the association took my position, so as new neighbors moved in on my street, I made a point to make up a welcome basket and personal note. Many times, I'd simply drop off the gift and include a personal note...hi, we are the Smiths, lived here for 6 years, welcome, we live at 1234, if you need anything, call, here's our number...

No one seemed to care either way. No acknowledgement, nothing. Yes, I'd get to know some of the neighbors later but I realized that my efforts were largely ignored, so I took my toys and went home. Try to be neighborly and friendly and most everyone moves in and keeps to themselves. I now have new next door neighbors who've been there almost a year. I wave, smile, say hello, bought Girl Scout cookies from the daughter, but that's the relationship. I give up making an effort. Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

OP, some people have an idea in their head that if you are pleasant, you are "fake". Do you really want that kind of person and drama in your life - people who hyper analyze inaccurately, and judge as a matter of existence? My God, how miserable must that be? Clearly they have their own problems, I don't think you want to get dragged into that mess. Stick with more normal, upbeat, friendly people that you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Umm, probably not that. Women (even attractive women) have to deal with more attractive women all the time. It's part of life.

If anything, the neighbor might want to have get togethers at their house w/o feeling obligated to invite the new neighbors over. So they are being standoffish."

It is part of life, but some women have embarrassingly low or non existent coping mechanisms, such that they try to drag other women into it, classic scapegoating. It has not happened to me (I am not hot, trust me, I have no such problems), but I know it happens.

It happens at work, with a good looking colleague I have, and it happens every day IRL. Just because you don't experience it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Some women can be terribly insecure...and that is where their crazy comes from.

o.k. But the neighbor is the one who is being social and nice to everyone but Op. Op, are you breathtakingly beautiful? Are all the other friendly neighbors ugly in comparison to you?

I am going to guess - no. Op, are you talking about this neighbor to your other neighbors? It seems that she is coming up a lot in your conversations with other people.

And it seems as if you are a little bit too worried about her opinion of you. I think you would be better off forgetting about her. Maybe your mind is making this out to be a lot more than it is?

I don't think OP cares as much as you think she does, she was just asking why the neighbor is an inconsiderate twat, for seemingly no reason. OP, chances are the other neighbors feel the same way.

Maybe she is just an inconsiderate twat to Op. Maybe she is like Mother Theresa in everyone else's eyes. We just don't know. The only thing that we do know is that Op doesn't know this woman and this woman doesn't seem to want to get to know Op. Good enough. Take "get to know the neighbor" off your to do list Op. One less thing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

I find my neighbors irritating, but I just basically ignore them rather than engage on any level. Maybe that is what they are doing to you. Just focus on the friends in the neighborhood that you do connect with.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you explain how they are being unfriendly? Do you say hi to them when you see them? Do theysay hi back or do they visibly turn and walk the other way? Do they give the quick "HI" and then walk away? Or is all this because they aren't overtly making an effort to meet you (acknowledging baby, welcoming into neighborhood?)

I'm pretty shocked at how quickly people on here are calling those neighbors such nasty names because they aren't simply proactively trying to get to know you better.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and this is pp again. OP, did you make a point to go over to the neighbors and either let them know ahead of time about all the construction to the house or stop by afterwards with a gift basket or token gift (cookies,etc.) and apologize for any noise or disturbance your construction may have caused?

For me, I'd be miffed that my neighbor didn't even acknowledge that their construction may have been inconvenient for me. Obviously they wouldn't have to say anything, but it's just common decency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a new theory. Crap is going on in neighbor's life, and she has neither the time nor the energy to bring a plant over or whatever. She's actually been not so friendly to most people in the neighborhood for a while, except for her closest friends. Since she was previously more outgoing/friendly, she still has that reputation, which is why you hear nice things about her. If she's experiencing health concerns, marital troubles, other big issues, that might affect how chummy she acts with her new next door neighbor.

+1. It doesn't sounds like this is about you or anything you did. The only thing that makes sense is that this is about whatever they have going on in their lives right now. Everyone gets preoccupied with their own shit all the time. I would just lay low, be courteous when you encounter them and don't take it personally if they continue to not be friendly or welcoming.

And in the off chance it is actually about you, it's likely something you can't change about yourself so why waste time and energy worrying about it.

This.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the neighbor is putting more effort into being rude than OP is putting effort into being pleasant. Hard to believe it is not deliberate. OP, you do you and treat others as they treat you. Clearly the neighbor is not accustomed to people being nice.

[Anonymous]

We lived for yeArs in a neighborhood where our neighbor was exceptionally rude. She was even rude to me as a child. She was a SAHM who had issues with my mom (a physician) not being part of the PTA. She was friends with the builder of our house and disliked us even before we moved in because her dog used to poop in our yard before there was a house there and now couldn't do it. Things only worsened when her son vandalized our house and police had to be called of course. I was friends with girls in the neighborhood who's parents were friends with her. She was super nice to everyone else, like you're describing, but they were all like her with regard to ethnicity and educational background. My poor mom made so many overtures, but mom is beautiful and remains a well-known and successful professional in her field. There was nothing she could do about the jealousy. And there was nothing we kids could do about being written up in local papers for various academic. And other accolades. All this to say, OP, others have been in your position. Yes, it makes you feel
Bad, but you know if you've never done anything to harm them and you must proceed with that in mind and try your best to treat them as you would anyone. In our case, it turned out that the neighbor husband ultimately rejected the wife and they got a divorce. It was a sad situations. She moved away. He is still there and is a nice, quiet guy. My parents also moved to s much nicer house 10 mins away but still rent out the house I grew up in to a nice couple who now have neighbors who are also nice to them.

[Anonymous]

I think folks are reading way too much into this. Why can't people accept the fact that many people want to be left alone? Some people just don't have the time nor the energy to have meaningless chatter with neighbors. Count your blessings because you can have a busy body, drama queen as a neighbor.