Being more submissive to my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say I'm submissive, but I do believe that in most marriages, there is a leader and a follower. My dh is the leader, it's just his personality. He feels more strong about his opinions and as a firstborn in a large family with a single mother, is used to being in a leadership role. I'm the baby of the family and am very mellow and easygoing. I voice my opinion, but I'm usually fine with letting him be the alpha in our relationship. Married for 24 years. It works for us.

Blech. Wake up - this is 2017. I hope you do not have any kids...I would feel sorry for them.

Then you need to get busy pitying/worrying about my children. In turn, I'll feel sorry for you living life being so judgmental.

[Anonymous]

I also think that most relationships have a leader and a follower. I was married for 3 years when my wife expressed her desire for me to take over the relationship, which included making decisions with her input. We have been married for 20 years and it has worked great for us. I think it does not have to be the man in charge , although usually it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny how all the judgemental, closed-mindedness is only coming from one direction. Or maybe that's just the way it is.[/quote

That is just the way it is. Funny, it's the ones who espouse open mindedness and acceptance who so often demonstrate the opposite. Why would they judge and condemn a relationship different than their own? That contradicts the very essence of the values they claim to hold so dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny how all the judgemental, closed-mindedness is only coming from one direction. Or maybe that's just the way it is.

That is just the way it is. Funny, it's the ones who espouse open mindedness and acceptance who so often demonstrate the opposite. Why would they judge and condemn a relationship different than their own? That contradicts the very essence of the values they claim to hold so dear.

[Anonymous]

I'm torn on this.

If it stays within the relationship and both parties truly want it, then great - it's working for you, run with it.

The problem of course is that we can rarely compartmentalize mindsets that well and keep our attitudes in the home from influencing the rest of our lives. And since the cultural attitude that men are the default in charge is really damaging to society in general / women in particular I find it harder to be 100% OK with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL @ "the submissive wife is, by definition, a strong woman...." Where do these deluded people come from? How damaged do you have to be to subscribe to this idea?

They come from church and/or strict religious upbringings.

[Anonymous]

DH and I concede when the subject isn't something one of us is extremely passionate about. If we are passionate about it, I usually look at how DH's opinion affects me short/long term and decide if it's worth the fight.

[Anonymous]

I submit to my husband and our marriage is stronger because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is sub in our marriage. He likes what I like.

Lulz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I submit to my husband and our marriage is stronger because of it.

+1

[Anonymous]

our marriage would be better (or at least, I would be more satisfied--his mileage may vary) if DH were more take charge in bed and less take charge out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Husbands- what is it about having a submissive wife that's appealing? What do you find challenging about it?

Hi OP. DH here. I have been married twice. The ex was American and not submissive at all. It did not last. DW is from overseas. She grew up in Asia with a more traditional view of gender roles. She is highly accomplished and educated yet as a family we subscribe to more of the power dynamic that you describe. It has worked really well for both of us over the last 10 years. the one thing that does frustrate me sometimes she has a hard time articulating what she wants.

I just wanted to share this to make the point that not every relationship is 50/50.

As an Asian woman, may I just say ewww. Asian woman are not submissive. But they are willing to make compromises for the sake of the family.

PS... she has a hard time articulating what she wants because she is passive aggressive. That's how Asian women like to make you think you make all the decisions.

I'd hope that everybody -- men and women -- would be willing to compromise for the sake of the family. THAT is what makes a strong marriage and family. Sometimes DH takes the lead. Sometimes DW. I appreciate when my husband has expertise in areas I don't, and I think he appreciates and defers to my expertise as appropriate.

If somebody really took the submissive stance all of the time it would be easy to exploit that. It would take an exceptional partner to take everybody's needs into consideration.

[Anonymous]

I grew up surrounded by submissive wives and I want no part of it. I am not willing to make a blanket statement that it's a bad idea but in my experience what you may interpret as a 'stronger' marriage is not stronger because you let you husband make decisions. It's actually weaker because you don't know how to make decisions as a partnership. I know way too many people who woke up one day with an empty nest and realized they didn't have the life they wanted. Instead, they lost themselves and become who their husband wanted them to be...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hells no. We are an EQUAL partnership. No wonder the GOP thinks the way it does

No such thing. It's an allusion.

That said, marriages thrive when both do more than an equal part.

[Anonymous]

No way would I ever do that. He has anxiety and is not a natural leader like I am.