Are you okay with your husband going out drinking and dining alone with other women?

[Anonymous]

I travel semi-frequently for work doing communications, often with men. We have breakfast and dinner 1:1 and on some occasions we need to use a hotel room to conduct an interview in a quiet space. Nothing untoward has ever happened. People are going to cheat or they are not going to cheat -- meals and proximity of a bed have nothing to do with it. Just see all the stories on here of people having sex in cars and empty stairwells (!) in the office...

Totally ridiculous. I would be at a huge disadvantage in my job if my bosses or I subscribed to this theory.

[Anonymous]

I actually asked my husband about this the other day because it's not something we have ever discussed. He said in a social manner he would not do it but has done it plenty of times for a work thing. For instance, if another company wants to team with his on something, they may reach out and their project manager might be a woman. They might meet for lunch or coffee to discuss. I have always known this and never had an issue with it because it's just women doing their job and I'm confident enough to know that a) they are most likely not at ALL interested in my husband in any respect other than a professional working partnership and b) even if they were, the two of us are good.

If you're in a committed healthy relationship with good boundaries and open communication this simply should not be an issue in 2017.

[Anonymous]

I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually asked my husband about this the other day because it's not something we have ever discussed. He said in a social manner he would not do it but has done it plenty of times for a work thing. For instance, if another company wants to team with his on something, they may reach out and their project manager might be a woman. They might meet for lunch or coffee to discuss. I have always known this and never had an issue with it because it's just women doing their job and I'm confident enough to know that a) they are most likely not at ALL interested in my husband in any respect other than a professional working partnership and b) even if they were, the two of us are good.

If you're in a committed healthy relationship with good boundaries and open communication this simply should not be an issue in 2017.

Most people are not.

[Anonymous]

Dining with wine? Yes. Bar hopping? No, mainly because we are not the going out drinking kind of people!

DH meets up with many friends and colleagues (both his and mine) when he travels. Sometimes they are with their spouses and sometime not. I do the same. Still, both of us would tell each other if we are uncomfortable with a person meeting our spouse alone. At that point, there would not even be a contact - no dinner, no coffee, not even an email.

The toxic people are not in any kind of relationship with us. With others, I trust my spouse and I trust the other women. To not do so says a lot about my own insecurities and frankly disrespects a lot of people, not just my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Sounds like you married a keeper.

I have enough to worry about, and I don't have the time or mental/emotional capacity to control my husband. If it has been us in your situation, I would have packed his things and shipped him over to Suzy's house. If she didn't want him, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Did u get fat? Why is he so easily able to fall in love with whoever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Sounds like you married a keeper.

I have enough to worry about, and I don't have the time or mental/emotional capacity to control my husband. If it has been us in your situation, I would have packed his things and shipped him over to Suzy's house. If she didn't want him, oh well.

Yes - that was definitely one of the options. I do sometimes think of how my life would have been different had I chosen the 'see ya' path instead.
Too late now.

He has been a good husband and father since, but it made for several crappy years that I did not deserve.

I have noticed that the successful women in my field for the most part have not married. It seems you need to choose husband/kids or career - unless you marry someone like Notorious R.B.G. did (Marty).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Did u get fat? Why is he so easily able to fall in love with whoever

He's an idiot who goes for anything new.
No, I'm not fat I'm still hot for my age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Did u get fat? Why is he so easily able to fall in love with whoever

He's an idiot who goes for anything new.
No, I'm not fat I'm still hot for my age.

If that's the case, he doesn't sound like a keeper.

[Anonymous]

I'm OK with it because my DH has to be OK with my dining alone with other men. It's part of business. I often have to have breakfast, lunch or dinner with clients and I can't pick their gender. I have been hit on by potential males clients who instantly become ex-potential clients. Very early in my career (late 80's) I was hit on by a couple of higher ups in the company I worked for (ala Bill O'Reilly) and that was really creepy. Back then there was no HR process to really deal with it so I just politely said thanks but no thanks I'm happily married. I didn't stick around very long! I did ask my DH if he had ever been hit on by a female at dinner and he laughingly said "other than you, sadly, no!" FWIW, we were once co-workers and I did hit on him at lunch one day and we have been together ever since!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Your husband cheated on you once and recently got too involved with a high school girlfriend. This thread is not for you because your marriage is a disaster and your husband has no principles. For normal men who value monogamy this is not a big deal. Your husband is not that man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Did u get fat? Why is he so easily able to fall in love with whoever

He's an idiot who goes for anything new.
No, I'm not fat I'm still hot for my age.

If that's the case, he doesn't sound like a keeper.

I was being sarcastic when I called him a keeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was all modern and thought this kind of thing was fine.

Then my DH came home one day and said he had fallen in love with this other woman from work and he wanted a divorce. I had been working a lot and he was going out for lunches with this woman.(all you men who want successful hard working money earning women - I'm not sure some of you really do because you act like babies when it's happening). She had been flirting heavily with him and had spent plenty of time bashing me too - though I'd never met Suzy Bitch. Come to find out years later (from DH) that she didn't have feelings for him really but was more of a game of 'let's see if I can catch this married guy'. Well, she did catch him because he was really in love or at least heavily infatuated with her - he was really messed up about it for a long while. That was really fun to go through

Do I trust DH to be having lunches out alone with women? I don't really think that for him it's a great idea. Apparently he might just run off with whatever floozie presents herself if I'm otherwise occupied. He told me that it 'just happened'. Like he had no control.

We've since reconnected , had 3 beautiful kids together and had a nice time together. But this definitely colored our relationship as I doubted that he actually loved me for a long time.

For some men (and women) it's probably better to go out with a group and not personal time out with one other person.

He recently had a high school GF 'reconnecting' with him through daily emails and maybe meeting up- was that an argument? Yes it was.
If he didn't have a tendency to take things too far it would be fine, but that's not the case. What the hell - emailing every damned day?
If he wants to hit the road - fine. But I'm not dealing with his confused blubbering 'I'm in love with two women at the same time' trash again.

Fascinating that you (and he) put this on her...he is the one in the relationship with you. It's 100% on him.

[Anonymous]

work meals, not a problem. his very good friend whom I also know, not a problem. Someone who he doesn't really need to go out with for work, and someone who I don't know, or one particular ex? no.

Context is everything.