Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have somewhat similar dynamics with one set of neighbors who are devout Catholics - complete with yard signs and conversation supporting many things I disagree with.

They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.

I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"

Etc...

Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.

So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.

If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.

But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.

So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.

Good luck.

There is a huge difference between being Catholic and being a racist. I mean you can be both, but OP's issue is with her racist Trump Supporting neighbor. Totally different.

I am tired of people lecturing me on how we have to keep the communication lines open with Trump supporters. They're racist and have zero interest in reaching out to people with my ethnic background. Why is it my responsibility to reach out to them?

Yup to all of this. You will never, convince someone they are racist or have hate in their hearts. They will justify it unless they -- ON THEIR OWN -- come to a different understanding. You cannot change someone else's thinking.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel similar to many PP and it is everything behind the 'lock up' statement that, #1, believing this reasonable to not only support but to put up a sign in the neighborhood to me 'advertises' that they are irredeemably ignorant and fit the deplorable definition. #2 - I could never let my guard down with them so there would not be any pleasure in a friendship at this point if this was such a surprise at seeing who they really are I would be worried about what else I am missing in judging their character and values. #3 - I just refuse to condone supporting him yet know I do not want to descend into political discussions with people like them so I wouldn't want to be in the position of having to confront. I am working hard already where I can on the next election (many important races already in 2017 in VA just getting started (I am in MD so travel for me) I would have no interest in engaging with this neighbor at all - and I wouldn't lose a second of sleep over. I would I guess at this point as suggested above put the 'no hate' type signs up and for myself - I would put up my "Still with Her" signs - at least one facing the neighbor's front door. Especially as the Evil in Chief is even worse than I ever thought he'd actually be - I just cannot look at people who supported him in the same way ever again. I honestly feel like this with some of the still bernie people too but that is another thread....

[Anonymous]

Looking at people through politics is a way to a miserable life. Not saying the neighbor is any different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking at people through politics is a way to a miserable life. Not saying the neighbor is any different.

Interesting. I think a lot of people who didn't like the civil rights movement felt your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's a fool. Just cut her off and move on. There is no need to be friendly with her.

+1.

I don't understand this fake-friendliness concept. If you're stuck with someone you dislike at the office, you have to be professional whether you like it or not, but a neighbor?
If you bump into her face-to-face, say 'hi' and keep going, otherwise disengage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have somewhat similar dynamics with one set of neighbors who are devout Catholics - complete with yard signs and conversation supporting many things I disagree with.

They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.

I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"

Etc...

Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.

So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.

If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.

But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.

So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.

Good luck.

There is a huge difference between being Catholic and being a racist. I mean you can be both, but OP's issue is with her racist Trump Supporting neighbor. Totally different.

I am tired of people lecturing me on how we have to keep the communication lines open with Trump supporters. They're racist and have zero interest in reaching out to people with my ethnic background. Why is it my responsibility to reach out to them?

OP here. Exactly. My husband is Catholic and pro-life, and I am very much not. We can agree to disagree on the issue. This is something beyond. This is the foundation of democracy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have somewhat similar dynamics with one set of neighbors who are devout Catholics - complete with yard signs and conversation supporting many things I disagree with.

They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.

I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"

Etc...

Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.

So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.

If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.

But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.

So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.

Good luck.

There is a huge difference between being Catholic and being a racist. I mean you can be both, but OP's issue is with her racist Trump Supporting neighbor. Totally different.

I am tired of people lecturing me on how we have to keep the communication lines open with Trump supporters. They're racist and have zero interest in reaching out to people with my ethnic background. Why is it my responsibility to reach out to them?

OP here. Exactly. My husband is Catholic and pro-life, and I am very much not. We can agree to disagree on the issue. This is something beyond. This is the foundation of democracy.

Oh, and my pro-life, Catholic husband is so disgusted with the Republican party that he claims he will never vote for a Republican again.

[Anonymous]

This thread is really helping me restore some of my faith in humanity. Nearly every thread these days has some jerk complaining about the "illegals" or saying some other racist rant. Thank you.

- Central American immigrant turned Citizen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok to punch nazis and cool to ignore racists. Don't let them think this behavior is normal.

This.

Just ignore her. A polite hello is all that is required in terms of being neighbors, if she tries to talk to you, say you're busy and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a neighbor for gods sake. No one easier to ignore.

+1

LOL. ITA. But some people go batsh*t crazy when they are ignored. They fear people knowing their true colors, and calling them on it, even if by ignoring them. OP, you have every right to ignore.

[Anonymous]

You've posted before. You can be racist and married to a minority. You in particular. I feel so bad for your self-hating husband and your child. You make me sick.

Im not the pp you responded to, but I'm a white Trump voter married to a minority and have lots of minority friends. There are waaaay more of us than you think. Lots of minority voters who don't view Trump as racist (because he's not racist). I'm not racist, my husband very much loves himself (lol! But it's true!) and waste all the energy you want feeling sorry for our kids! Great, I make you sick. Psh. You don't even know me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You've posted before. You can be racist and married to a minority. You in particular. I feel so bad for your self-hating husband and your child. You make me sick.

Im not the pp you responded to, but I'm a white Trump voter married to a minority and have lots of minority friends. There are waaaay more of us than you think. Lots of minority voters who don't view Trump as racist (because he's not racist). I'm not racist, my husband very much loves himself (lol! But it's true!) and waste all the energy you want feeling sorry for our kids! Great, I make you sick. Psh. You don't even know me!

You are a racist and your husband is a racist and you're teaching your poor child racism.

Just because you don't like being called out doesn't mean that it isn't true. You're a racist and are seen as such by everyone. Trump is a racist, sexist, xenophobe, bigot, and sexual predator. Just because you'd prefer to believe otherwise doesn't make it any less true. I hope for your child's sake that you will see the light one day, but you sound too wrapped up in hatred and denial to see it.

Oh and the "I have lots of minority friends so I'm not racist" excuse counts for nothing. You're probably not aware of how much they're avoiding you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have somewhat similar dynamics with one set of neighbors who are devout Catholics - complete with yard signs and conversation supporting many things I disagree with.

They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.

I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"

Etc...

Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.

So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.

If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.

But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.

So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.

Good luck.

There is a huge difference between being Catholic and being a racist. I mean you can be both, but OP's issue is with her racist Trump Supporting neighbor. Totally different.

I am tired of people lecturing me on how we have to keep the communication lines open with Trump supporters. They're racist and have zero interest in reaching out to people with my ethnic background. Why is it my responsibility to reach out to them?

Yup to all of this. You will never, convince someone they are racist or have hate in their hearts. They will justify it unless they -- ON THEIR OWN -- come to a different understanding. You cannot change someone else's thinking.

Just look at 18:21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You've posted before. You can be racist and married to a minority. You in particular. I feel so bad for your self-hating husband and your child. You make me sick.

Im not the pp you responded to, but I'm a white Trump voter married to a minority and have lots of minority friends. There are waaaay more of us than you think. Lots of minority voters who don't view Trump as racist (because he's not racist). I'm not racist, my husband very much loves himself (lol! But it's true!) and waste all the energy you want feeling sorry for our kids! Great, I make you sick. Psh. You don't even know me!

You are a racist and your husband is a racist and you're teaching your poor child racism.

Just because you don't like being called out doesn't mean that it isn't true. You're a racist and are seen as such by everyone. Trump is a racist, sexist, xenophobe, bigot, and sexual predator. Just because you'd prefer to believe otherwise doesn't make it any less true. I hope for your child's sake that you will see the light one day, but you sound too wrapped up in hatred and denial to see it.

Oh and the "I have lots of minority friends so I'm not racist" excuse counts for nothing. You're probably not aware of how much they're avoiding you.

You are hilarious!!! You're mental, but literally making me lol at how crazy you come across in each of your posts. Hey, did you see Joy Villa's dress she wore at the Grammys? Is she racist too, since she's a Trump supporter? I know she's half black, but she probably hates herself too, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You've posted before. You can be racist and married to a minority. You in particular. I feel so bad for your self-hating husband and your child. You make me sick.

Im not the pp you responded to, but I'm a white Trump voter married to a minority and have lots of minority friends. There are waaaay more of us than you think. Lots of minority voters who don't view Trump as racist (because he's not racist). I'm not racist, my husband very much loves himself (lol! But it's true!) and waste all the energy you want feeling sorry for our kids! Great, I make you sick. Psh. You don't even know me!

You are a racist and your husband is a racist and you're teaching your poor child racism.

Just because you don't like being called out doesn't mean that it isn't true. You're a racist and are seen as such by everyone. Trump is a racist, sexist, xenophobe, bigot, and sexual predator. Just because you'd prefer to believe otherwise doesn't make it any less true. I hope for your child's sake that you will see the light one day, but you sound too wrapped up in hatred and denial to see it.

Oh and the "I have lots of minority friends so I'm not racist" excuse counts for nothing. You're probably not aware of how much they're avoiding you.

Ha! You are so crazy that I am starting to find you entertaining. I can't wait to see what you post next.