Homework and Seeking Your Teen

[Anonymous]

You're being selfish and trying to put your needs above your daughter's. Doing homework in a common area is the most ridiculous thing ever. You should be supporting her rather than trying to hinder her.

If you need to see her more, schedule mandatory family time (that doesn't interfere with homework). I wouldn't try to make it daily. I know for me, DH, and oldest DD, the more required family time we had, the more we resented it. My middle DD is pretty compliant so she probably wouldn't push back too much.

Basically, you need to adjust your expectations of what it means to have a teenager.

Anonymous wrote:No, OP, there isn't another more accurate word for how you're acting. She's a sophomore. Her grades count and her studies are difficult. She can't focus or get anything done when there is noise and there's you, her dad (I'm assuming the DH is yours and not hers, per your post), and her brother. That's A LOT of distractions and you're asking way too much of her. You need to explain the level of work she has to her brother as it won't be any different when he's her age - he'll be doing the same exact thing.

It is entirely unreasonable to expect an hour from her each night before dinner, then she has dinner during which she can't do anything, so you're taking anywhere from 1.5 hours to 2 hours away from her every night. That's NUTS!!

You need to check yourself - and your son - and stop being selfish. Spending time with you won't get her into a good college.

I wouldn't worry about being called selfish, OP... it's definitely the same bitch poster every single time calling you selfish (writing styles are exactly the same & the cold hearted to the core writing that lacks in even a shred of empathy is the same).
She must be an absolute blast at parties... I'd run too if I were that PP's kids, lol

OP, you're not selfish, you're a mom who's first experiencing the beginning stages of letting go.
Everything you're feeling is completely natural!
We have these precious little beings who for the first 10 - 13 years of life want to spend every waking second with us & then it's like BOOM!... see ya mom!
Of course you're going to have a difficult time adjusting, if you didn't you'd be just like the bitch poster above who's husband AND kids probably want absolutely nothing to do with her, so she's used to it (and completely explains why she has SO much free time to sit on DCUM & criticize you).

As one of the other mom's suggested, schedule something maybe once or twice a week (outside of homework time) that you both really enjoy.
Whether it be getting manicures together, watching Project Runway or Grey's Anatomy, or just going to Starbucks for a latte, find something that she really enjoys doing (even if you don't enjoy it so much). If spending time with her means that much to you, adapt your likes to something she enjoys. Same with your son... maybe they both like a particular sports team & can watch their games on TV or at the event or playing Minecraft together. If you really want to spend the time with her for a an hour or so a week, find what she likes & both adapt yourselves to it.
She will enjoy it & it won't feel forced to her.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You're being selfish and trying to put your needs above your daughter's. Doing homework in a common area is the most ridiculous thing ever. You should be supporting her rather than trying to hinder her.

If you need to see her more, schedule mandatory family time (that doesn't interfere with homework). I wouldn't try to make it daily. I know for me, DH, and oldest DD, the more required family time we had, the more we resented it. My middle DD is pretty compliant so she probably wouldn't push back too much.

Basically, you need to adjust your expectations of what it means to have a teenager.

Anonymous wrote:No, OP, there isn't another more accurate word for how you're acting. She's a sophomore. Her grades count and her studies are difficult. She can't focus or get anything done when there is noise and there's you, her dad (I'm assuming the DH is yours and not hers, per your post), and her brother. That's A LOT of distractions and you're asking way too much of her. You need to explain the level of work she has to her brother as it won't be any different when he's her age - he'll be doing the same exact thing.

It is entirely unreasonable to expect an hour from her each night before dinner, then she has dinner during which she can't do anything, so you're taking anywhere from 1.5 hours to 2 hours away from her every night. That's NUTS!!

You need to check yourself - and your son - and stop being selfish. Spending time with you won't get her into a good college.

I wouldn't worry about being called selfish, OP... it's definitely the same bitch poster every single time calling you selfish (writing styles are exactly the same & the cold hearted to the core writing that lacks in even a shred of empathy is the same).
She must be an absolute blast at parties... I'd run too if I were that PP's kids, lol

OP, you're not selfish, you're a mom who's first experiencing the beginning stages of letting go.
Everything you're feeling is completely natural!
We have these precious little beings who for the first 10 - 13 years of life want to spend every waking second with us & then it's like BOOM!... see ya mom!
Of course you're going to have a difficult time adjusting, if you didn't you'd be just like the bitch poster above who's husband AND kids probably want absolutely nothing to do with her, so she's used to it (and completely explains why she has SO much free time to sit on DCUM & criticize you).

As one of the other mom's suggested, schedule something maybe once or twice a week (outside of homework time) that you both really enjoy.
Whether it be getting manicures together, watching Project Runway or Grey's Anatomy, or just going to Starbucks for a latte, find something that she really enjoys doing (even if you don't enjoy it so much). If spending time with her means that much to you, adapt your likes to something she enjoys. Same with your son... maybe they both like a particular sports team & can watch their games on TV or at the event or playing Minecraft together. If you really want to spend the time with her for a an hour or so a week, find what she likes & both adapt yourselves to it.
She will enjoy it & it won't feel forced to her.

Good luck!

This is the perfect response OP and I agree that the posts in which you're repeatedly called selfish all came from the same miserable poster. This PP gave you great advice, find something your daughter really enjoys doing and do it with her. You'll find your niche together, it's all just so new to you and nobody likes change, it feels uncomfortable and scary (except to teenagers I guess ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You're being selfish and trying to put your needs above your daughter's. Doing homework in a common area is the most ridiculous thing ever. You should be supporting her rather than trying to hinder her.

If you need to see her more, schedule mandatory family time (that doesn't interfere with homework). I wouldn't try to make it daily. I know for me, DH, and oldest DD, the more required family time we had, the more we resented it. My middle DD is pretty compliant so she probably wouldn't push back too much.

Basically, you need to adjust your expectations of what it means to have a teenager.

Anonymous wrote:No, OP, there isn't another more accurate word for how you're acting. She's a sophomore. Her grades count and her studies are difficult. She can't focus or get anything done when there is noise and there's you, her dad (I'm assuming the DH is yours and not hers, per your post), and her brother. That's A LOT of distractions and you're asking way too much of her. You need to explain the level of work she has to her brother as it won't be any different when he's her age - he'll be doing the same exact thing.

It is entirely unreasonable to expect an hour from her each night before dinner, then she has dinner during which she can't do anything, so you're taking anywhere from 1.5 hours to 2 hours away from her every night. That's NUTS!!

You need to check yourself - and your son - and stop being selfish. Spending time with you won't get her into a good college.

I wouldn't worry about being called selfish, OP... it's definitely the same bitch poster every single time calling you selfish (writing styles are exactly the same & the cold hearted to the core writing that lacks in even a shred of empathy is the same).
She must be an absolute blast at parties... I'd run too if I were that PP's kids, lol

OP, you're not selfish, you're a mom who's first experiencing the beginning stages of letting go.
Everything you're feeling is completely natural!
We have these precious little beings who for the first 10 - 13 years of life want to spend every waking second with us & then it's like BOOM!... see ya mom!
Of course you're going to have a difficult time adjusting, if you didn't you'd be just like the bitch poster above who's husband AND kids probably want absolutely nothing to do with her, so she's used to it (and completely explains why she has SO much free time to sit on DCUM & criticize you).

As one of the other mom's suggested, schedule something maybe once or twice a week (outside of homework time) that you both really enjoy.
Whether it be getting manicures together, watching Project Runway or Grey's Anatomy, or just going to Starbucks for a latte, find something that she really enjoys doing (even if you don't enjoy it so much). If spending time with her means that much to you, adapt your likes to something she enjoys. Same with your son... maybe they both like a particular sports team & can watch their games on TV or at the event or playing Minecraft together. If you really want to spend the time with her for a an hour or so a week, find what she likes & both adapt yourselves to it.
She will enjoy it & it won't feel forced to her.

Good luck!

This is the perfect response OP and I agree that the posts in which you're repeatedly called selfish all came from the same miserable poster. This PP gave you great advice, find something your daughter really enjoys doing and do it with her. You'll find your niche together, it's all just so new to you and nobody likes change, it feels uncomfortable and scary (except to teenagers I guess ).

+1 Well said by the two PPs!